I don’t get enough credit for being such a strong woman even though I’m weak as hell. I don’t get enough admiration and i don’t get enough thank yous. I’m tired and I hope it’s just my pms talking.

Can’t remembered when was the last time I cried this much. I’ve been holding in so much. So much feelings that it’s gonna explode. What’s wrong with feeling? Am i feeling for the wrong person because he doesn’t have the capacity to understand my feelings? I don’t understand. It’s been roughly 2.5 weeks since I started to feel this way. I thought things would get better on my part. Did it? No. How do you even talk to a partner that always end up telling you that “That’s your problem not mine.” What’s the point of even talking about your feelings?

I haven’t felt my heart broken in a long time. I can’t believe he don’t feel like it’s anything serious. I feel tired. I feel like I need something to make me happier instead of this dull and depressing zone. When one thing goes wrong, everything else follows. I’m not gonna be the girl last year. If anything I’ll not even entertain any single bit of it... My heart is too weak for that. It fucking sucks to put someone through something like that mentally. You have no idea how i feel. U really don’t. But it really doesn’t matter. Because end of the day I am me you are you. Whether we end up a wedded couple at the end of the day, I know if things go south in any way, I can only fight for myself and pull myself up..

There may be times I do feel maybe I mean a lot to you. But the pst 2.5 weeks have slowly been all about yourself. Your needs your wants. You you you. When all I think about is also you you you. So end of the day, who’s thinking about me.....? Nobody. Who’s there to listen to my sorrows who’s there to perk me up when I need someone to make me laugh....?

So what? So what if we’re tgt for a long time? Does it mean the love can die just like that? Does it mean you can throw attitude at me whenever you like? It just gives me the permission to do the same. I shouldn’t be getting a different treatment from you because that’s how you are when you are angry. Where’s the part where he’s the bigger person trying to protect me? Where’s the part where he’s the bigger person and he doesn’t wanna see me sad.....? I don’t see it at all and I’m fucking sad. I want someone who’s able to dote on me and not fight with me like a fucking enemy. What’s so hard about that? I really don’t understand anymore and I’m really so tired and sad.

He tells me no grudges. How sure are you even sure? How long again do I have to recover from this? You just have no clue the kind of mental and emotional process it takes to recover.

I’m sad. So sad. So heartbroken.