I want someone who loves me more.

I want someone who's not afraid to show that he's scared to lose me. 

I want someone who knows what I love as gifts. 

I want someone who's willing to work towards a better self for a better future.

I want someone who doesn't take advantage of my care and concern. 

I want someone who doesn't take advantage of my time.

I want someone who shows me that I'm the most important.

I want someone who'd do anything to keep me around.

I want someone who's independent enough to take care of himself. 

I want someone who has right morals and knows when to forgive. 

I want someone who has a big heart. 

I want someone who feels like I deserve the world.

As much as I don't want females to be treated as shit just because they are females, I don't believe in equal gender rules. I do believe females don't necessarily belong in the kitchen. I believe females can be independent and live by themselves. I believe females are smarter than males because we don't think with our pussies. I believe females are more emotional than men. However, I also believe males are generally physically stronger than females. I believe there are certain things females would leave to the males to do. I believe that females still love to be chased rather than chase. I believe that males should be the one to show more so a girl can feel like she's not being played.

There are some things that are just not male-female equivalent. & i always believe in finding a guy who loves me more. Because guys are not as emotionally attached as girls. & if they love you more, it shows that he's willing to do so much more for the relationship and it shows that he's serious. If he's constantly trying to save his face/ego more than saving your feelings, it shows where the relationship stands.

I miss alone time. Now that things have changed, it emphasizes so much more on how less we try to find time to spend with each other. Hais. How long will this keep up. Tiring to be the only one feeling like this. Tiring to be the only one worried about savings. Tiring to be the only one trying to find some quality time in us. It has become quantity over quality yet again. Remember how you used to embrace every moment we have together that you didn’t even bare to take a nap? Remember how any random week you’d just ask to take photos together just for safekeeping purposes..? Where did all these mini gestures went? Because there are the kind of things that i remember and keep it dear to heart. It’s becoming a routine again and time is always taken for granted of. Now we’re doing everything with ur family and it’s like when is there ever an “us” time if we don’t create it? Just feel like every chance we have alone tgt in the house it’s about sex sex sex. hais. Is there anything more to our relationship without it? 

Someone who's not reliable..

Just afew words because I've said enough.

This week truly feels different.

Our future as blur as this photo 

A new kind of lifestyle has started for us. I don't know why but I'm just not good at adapting to changes. During the weekend, he has moved to the North side of Singapore to live with his family. To be honest, it felt more homely. It felt more welcoming. But the fact that we'd be sacrificing our alone time and intimate time together is really an obstacle for me. It doesn't bother me that much that I have to travel further, it's the alone time that I'm bothered about. I think we fought about 2-3 times over this in a short span of 2-3 days. He keeps saying that we'll be fine and those are just small matter. But the past few months of us trying to solve the small issues are now gonna become an issue just because of the lack of alone time together. 

Maybe when I was 16, I'd crave a relationship that's built around just feelings and not physical needs. But as I grew older, it all comes in a package. If there's a lack of physical intimacy between a couple, then there's no difference between a normal friend and a boyfriend. He don't understand that I cannot perform well and I will not be able to satisfy his needs if I have to constantly be scared that someone is gonna knock on the door anytime. Not saying I'm very good to begin with but that makes things worse. Because it means I'll be nothing but a worried soul trying to make sure he doesn't ejaculate thinking about other girls just because I cannot meet his expectations. Sometimes girls moan to make things sexier, to make the guy feel we're pleased. But whatever situation we're in now, it's not possible and as a guy himself he just doesn't see the bigger picture. There I was trying to warn him about how things will turn out in the coming weeks/months and yet all I get was "Stop thinking too much/ you're thinking too much". Right now it just feels like I'm waiting for the time bomb to countdown every single minute of my life and it sucks. 

Both tempers are getting worse as the day goes by and it's like no one knows how bad the next argument is gonna be. 

This is me telling the world I don't feel safe nor secure at all. 

Sigh. Good feelings never last. Sometimes you think your relationship is strong enough to brave through the storms but when it really comes down to it, it's way easier said than done.