Future

"I realized that when you are put under stress, you do not work well. For example, if there is a new exercise, and you feel tense trying to learn it, you actually learn slower." quoted from my contemp teacher, Leia.

I really don't know how to overcome THIS SHIZ. This made me thought of what happened during hip hop on Thursday. When Mycs made the whole room tensed, I TOTALLY FORGOT EVERYTHING. Like when I am supposed to go out, where's my next blocking, what's the next song even. Omg why am I like that!

Spent my whole morning watching dance videos online. I'm so envious of those who are able to learn a choreography in an hour and is able to PERFORM it on the spot. I always can't.

....... I fell asleep and forgot to blog so right now I'm gonna continue.

I actually dreamt of dancing. WOW LOL that's a first. Obviously proves that I've been thinking too much about the point that I just stated above, before I fell asleep. I dreamt that I was in a studio that I actually felt like I belonged. & we were also practicing for a recital. Weird thing was, I didn't know anyone from my dream. Hm weird.

GAH I WANNA D A N C E.... Why can't I just DANCE and not worry about assessments... Sigh I remembered this acting lecturer whose name I've forgot that took over our animal work class. (Just for your information, he's the one lecturer in my school that probably owns all of Jeremy Scott's Original shoes) He said assessments are the ones that kills art. YEAH DUH GOSH CUT THOSE ASSESSMENTS. Those unneeded assessments..

Honestly I feel like I know what I want, but I just really don't know how to get there. I still think I'm not on the right track to my career. I don't know. I don't see the need of ballet in the future. & that is the one thing I'm always worried about. How is this passion? I feel so judged cuz I suck so much in ballet. It's like because I suck so badly at ballet, I suck badly overall.. I can't stand this judgment no more.... I wanna look forward to waking up everyday. I don't wanna dread school. The worst thing you can ever feel, is DREADING SCHOOL.

Mummy asked me if I've plans in the future, asked me if I would do degree. I really don't know man. I really need someone to talk to. I need to know how to get there. But I don't know anyone.... SIGH why is this all back to square 1 again. I hope I figure this out soon. I need to.... Time is too little..

Meheheheh

I don't know why I've been reminiscing the past a lot recently. Like ALOT. I even dreamt of it last night. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY HEAD. You know what I dreamt? I dreamt that all the bad memories were all combined into ONE gif. & I just kept replaying it and replaying it and the people who were the cause of it just kept haunting me. DON'T GET IT LOL.

I think about how life would be if I didn't transfer out during my last year of primary school. Would I have continued dancing back then? Would I have been a more successful dancer? If then I wouldn't have had the past that I dreamt of last night. LOL always thinking so much nonsense when I have nothing to do. Ok I don't exactly have NOTHING to do... I'm just procrastinating. AS USUAL.

 

 

GOSH FEELING SO INSPIRED TO SLIM DOWN AGAIN AFTER WATCHING SHAKIRA'S AND BEYONCE'S VIDEOS. HAHA I was watching it with my parents. Omg my mother is one crazy ass.... All of a sudden she stood up and copied Beyoncé's move. Made me laugh like mad HAHAHA.... K la even though I'm fat, gotta thank my mother for my curvy body~~~ Without it i'm really fat as hell...

 

Tomorrow's work day boohoo :( Need to finish all my research then I'm really done!!! Ok not really... Gotta study for anatomy and dance history. ALL THIS BULLSHIT NEEDS TO BE OVER!!!! At least I'm gonna get dimsum breakfast with family tomorrow~~~ Weeeheeeee. How do i get through stressful periods??? EAT LIKE A PIG. Yeah that's how I do it. & when people enjoy good food during holidays, I SLIM DOWN. Yeah I know weird me yeah.

 

I'm really very sad Monday's last lesson is no longer hip hop :( It's back to Asian dance... Sigh. Asian dance is boring because we do the same thing every single week. Ok actually this sem's Asian dance classes are very little but when you think of it... 1 lesson of this sem's is equivalent to 2 classes of last sem's. So actually, it's almost the same. Oh well....

 

Meheheh

:)

HI GUYS. MY NOTEBOOK IS FINALLY FIXED. I am actually using it to type this RIGHT NOW. Cheer for me babies!!!!!~ Can't believe tomorrow's a public holiday. WOOHOO!!! I'm like super duper hapy right now because everything is going so well for me. But at the same time, I am having this horrible headache that I cannot get rid of. NOOOOO.

So school was not that bad today. (LOL I TYPED THIS, WENT TO MY BLOG, AND REALISED MY LAST POST WAS ON SUNDAY. GOD TIME NEEDS TO SLOW DOWN.) K school this week was not that bad. We learnt a new hip hop choreography on Monday that was super duper hip hop and I like it! Mycs just did blocking for that choreography today. I swear I thought she'd put me at the back because I was feeling very pathetic for that choreo... Even though i liked it, I didn't do as well as Luvenia and Cheryl.. Guess where I ended up.. RIGHT SMACK IN THE FRONT. -Die- I felt so many daggers stabbing into me because I really think I don't deserve to be in the front. Lol k wait I always feel like I don't deserve it. Unbelievable. I used to think I could do better in Funk jazz. I always feel like my hip hop feel is wrong. It's not the same hip hop feel as hip hoppers. LOL... But ever since Mycs, she told me I looked better in hip hop pieces. I still remember my first conversation with Mycs. I told her I kinda only did Funk jazz/Street Jazz and I always die in hip hop open classes cuz it was so hard to get the kind of feel.

Bleh whatever it is.... Now I have to work hard on the piece or else Mycs will be pissed again. (but i actually like it when she notices that i've done something wrong and tells me about it HEH) Gosh you should've seen her this morning. She was so mad at Adi for not remembering his steps. Then she made so much tension in the room that I totally went haywired during no diggity and my hip hop group piece. Well other than that, all's well~

Spent my Tuesday night at Danzpeople~ Danced from 7.30 till 10.30 at night!!! Now there's so many different choreographies in my head! I wished I had all the songs though... Then I can work with character and stuff.

Wednesday's contemp was so..... bleh. She did so much rolls and planks and my hands and knees couldnt handle it T_T Super tiring sigh. & ballet's new adage hurts my upper body like crap. Esepcially my right arm. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY. I can't even sleep properly for the past few days. BASICALLY.... My whole body is injured and I really need time to recuperate. I really can't wait for the holidays. C'MON I CAN DO IT 4 MORE WEEKS!!!!!!!!!

This week was actually a more cheerful week compared to last week. (OBVIOUSLY.) I'm really super glad today's the last day of school. WE SHOULD REALLY HAVE 4 WEEKDAYS AND 3 WEEKENDS.

I fell into deep sleep just now in the studio while Andrea and Jingwen were doing their own stuff. MUST BE BECAUSE OF ANDREA'S MUSIC. Gosh i remember there was this time where I was sitting outside D studio and I fell asleep listening to Andrea's ipod playlist. I AM SURE IT'S THE SAME PLAYLIST. Hmmm so they ended up taking video and photos of me and them doing stupid poses. Bad girls. NOT GONNA POST IT UP HAHA I'm gonna keep the entertainment to myself. ALL MINE. They looked damn funny in the video, especially Jingwen HAHA.

Yay gonna sleep in peace tonight. BYEEEE

Stressing

Hmm, I saw 7yearsofhannahmontana trending and i decided to post about this.

This is the first time in my 18 years of life that I've met someone who have so much tv childhood as me (except fion la we grow up together of course we talk about the same shows). I remember in secondary school, I used to tell my clique so much about Martin Mystery and they all thought that I was abnormal and weird. You have no idea how shocked I was when I knew they never ever watched Martin Mystery. WHAT HAVE THEY BEEN DOING IN THEIR CHILDHOOD.... Ok back to Hannah Montana. It was one of my fave disney show after Lizzie Mcguire and That's so Raven. NO ONE I KNEW LOVED THAT SHOW. & that's because they dislike Miley Cyrus.... Gosh when I was young I only knew how to love shows I didn't even bother to find out about their personalities and shit. I loved barbie movies and mummy used to buy the new barbies movies when I was younger. No one else I knew loved barbie movies too. In fact all of them hated barbie. L o l .... When I met Andrea, she told me she loved barbie movies too! & we both loved Princess and the Pauper~~~!!!! She watched Martin Mystery too. AND she's a big fan of hannah montana. Gosh I miss Disney Channel :( All the shows now are just bullshittttt. I liked Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide too. I'm sure none of my clique knows the show too... Of course Drake and Josh too. & SO MANY OTHER SHOWS I MISS WATCHING TV T_T

Feeling sad for the generation after us. I think our generation was the last generation of OLD. Like we still used cassettes when we were young. I still saw those BIG BIG CDs. We still used disk-mans. We've been through the nokia-colourless phone generation... We've been through the internet line-connection thingy. We've been through buying CD-roms. What are the kids going through nowadays? Ipads. Iphones. Lousy TV shows. Talking like a gossip girl when they are 7... I'm actually quite sad how things are so accessible nowadays.

Alright alright i spent my whole day doing my research and writing essay. & watching SHINee's One fine day~~~ Sobs I already miss them I wanna see them again and again and again T_T Don't know how come they can make me laugh and smile so much :(

Right now I'm left with 70 words and I really have no idea what else am I gonna write. The next thing I need to do after research and writing is.... Dance history's presentation. & then... Rep's presentation. AND THEN... ANIMAL WORK ASSESSMENT.. & Then it's time for ballet exam and art history exam and all sorts of shitty exams. Fml this term is so short and hectic. Driving me nutz. Brain about to explode with the amount of work I have waiting for me. The amount of work I put on when I'm stressed, is just unbelievable. K la i don't know if I do but i eat alot. Just can't control..... :( Sigh

I NEED MY SHINEE BOYS EP 6 T_T WHERE IS THE SUBBED VERSION HURRY UP I NEED SOME SMILES.

Escaping

I am not in the right state of mind to finish up my schoolwork because i'm so distracted by so many other stuff. I was angry yesterday so I wrote a draft on what I was gonna post. Then this morning, I thought if I should post it up. I was super upset with my mother that morning. I can't even believe what happened. Yeah we had a huge fight and right now we're still having cold war. I decided not to post because.... Yeah you should never say anything when you're angry, or you'll regret. I shall just not.

"LIFE BECOMES EASIER WHEN YOU ACCEPT AN APOLOGY YOU NEVER GOT." 

-Robert Brault

Went to school with a heavy heart. Tried so damn hard to not think about that morning. Tried so hard to enjoy hip hop. But I can't. Just got through the day and yeah. I loved Alvin's lesson. IT WAS SO AWESOME. The activity he did yesterday, I knew it too because I saw him did that on tv. Had dinner at Nex with Andrea and went home. Saw my holland relative at home. Greeted her and went back to my room.

Slept till about 11 this morning and attempted to do my research and writing essay. GOD I ONLY HAVE 1.5 PARAGRAPHS DONE. Sigh ate so much because I was stressed and I didn't know how to reject my dad. This sucks.... I hate to be stressed... I really need to holidays to hurry come.

Was thinking about the past this evening because I was browsing through afew of my old friends' FB and my old flame's too... Looked through my old blog posts too and was freaking judging my sec 1 self. Not even kidding. I would've punched my sec 1 self man.

Haha was happy to have a chat with Klaryce just now. Can't believe she actually thought of me too cuz she was doing the same thing as me, checking out Facebook... HAHA. It's so comforting to hear more about her because I was with her throughout her whole past that has impacted her the most. "So much to share with you. HAHA good old days" she sent me. Sigh :') Hopefully I get to see her soon... It's really been soooo long.

I was telling her about my weight issues too and then she told me this "I was unhappy because I gained weight. My shorts get bigger. I can't wear my old jeans anymore. I'm serious. (Boyfriend's name) doesn't let me skip meals or eat lesser than what normal person should. LOL. You can see how much he changed me. But because I have him. And eating makes me happy. It doesn't bother me as much as before" So blissful I also know. I have no one. If I was in love and my -invisible- boyfriend loved me for who I am too, I probably wouldn't be as depressed. The fact that I'm gonna stay single the next few decades of my life is just, YEAH DEPRESSING.

She made me thought of career paths and stuff. & Melissa Quek popped out of my head again. "I think you're not cut out for this course." I really don't know why I can imagine her saying that to me. It's just so vivid. I tried to think of who I could confide in about career matters. I thought of Shining but i was scared of what she'd tell me. Shit just got messier in my head so I decided not to. Basically, i'm just escaping from reality.

Since I was thinking so much bout Lasalle, Andrea came into mind. So I just thought I'd text her to tell her I miss her... Then she ended up telling me that I wouldn't get kicked out and stuff like that. Talked for awhile and just when I was convinced enough to continue my weekend, Leia replied to my email.

I'm always very scared to ask her bout my progress.... Cuz I know where I stand already even without her telling me. I know.... And true enough I was right... Even though she said I deserve a pass because I was very hardworking and has improved, I felt like she was giving me pity marks. Sigh -major sad face- When will I ever achieve something with my own -invisible- ability...? Up till now I still feel like Melissa Quek kinda regretted giving me a chance to get into Lasalle. I obviously didnt got in because I was good in dancing... I got in because she thought I was hardworking in terms of trying even though I couldn't get steps right and stuff.

God really needs to tell me what I'm good at. Really I've spent half my life depressed over being not good enough. It's enough....

Weight Obsession

Ballet was pretty ok today... No comments on ballet. I just love the Pose Pirouette en dedan turns. Looking so graceful~~~~ Hehee actually the enchainments for this sem is much more dancey compared to last sem's... Got so mad after I changed for hip hop. Don't even wanna say why in case gurl's reading my blog and making a nuisance on her private twitter. But just to let you know, I don't even wanna respond to your horrible comments because it's a waste of my saliva and a second of my life to even respond to whatever you said. I don't like frenemies.

Hip hop was infuriating. So we completed the new choreo and then we started to polish our own dances. I got pissed because it was obvious that no one was actually in the class. Their soul's totally not there and even simple counting also cannot count right. We had to repeat and repeat the same part just because nobody's focusing. If you wanna count, count properly. If you wanna sing the beat, SING THE CORRECT BEAT. If you can't sing the beat THEN COUNT. Don't tell me to chill when you sang the wrong beat and made everyone confused and pretend nothing's wrong. Really, please be serious when you need to. I'm gonna quote Jingwen. You need to learn to put down your man pride. Well.... & I can't stand how there's this obvious level of difference. Like it's already stuck in everybody's brains. Like whatever that one particular person says is always correct because he/she is usually quite good in remember her steps and stuff. & when I try to say or correct something, nobody listens because I feel like people's thinking "Nah I don't think she's right she's not good enough to tell me this". You guys do know that no one's perfect right? God IT'S JUST INFURIATING. People need to learn how to LISTEN. Ears are for listening.

We had this guest artist, Alvin, who came in to like teach us in a way. He's the "coach" who taught the people in the singing competition called Sunsilk Academy Fantasia. The moment he stepped in, I thought he was sooooooo damn familiar because he was wearing a brown shirt. Oh FYI his like "trademark" is his monk-looking clothes. He always wears a brown top and a dark brown pants. ALWAYS. I wonder if he has other clothes. & then I saw his specs and knew immediately that it was him. Wow we laughed like mad during his class. So funny!!!! I kinda knew what he was gonna do already because he did the same thing on TV to the singers. Hahaha awesome it brought me some happiness after such a depressing week.

BUT.....

Happiness doesn't stay. 

As if I'm not already depressed enough about so many other things, weight had to keep coming into my mind today. To end off my day with my already-full-of-weight-problems brain, I got a comment that I looked slimmer in the past. That's one of the worst comments you can ever receive in your life. That photo was taken during the period where I literally ate like 1 meal per day. Or consumed like only 300calories. Lol yes I'm gonna do that.

Sick of this. When will i ever not think of my weight and how fat i am? NEVER MAN. NEVER. Why can't weight just go down and never come back up? Don't tell me I'm doing nothing about it. I am but it's just progressing too slowly and even I can't take it. I'm going extreme this time. Do. Not. Care. Anymore. 

Mental breakdown

Time is flying. Like insanely fast. & i'm not even kidding.

Monday - Had totally no motivation for ballet. this sucks. Watched gypsy and was very inspired by the amount of effort they have put into the whole show. I have a lot of respect for the musical students. Was kinda upset when Isaac tweeted saying that he saw me sleep. What the fuck I didn't even felt sleepy throughout the whole show. Reached home at about 11ish and I just stoned all the way till bed time. Sigh there was so much going on in my head. I need to clear up my head :( Threw away the problems temporarily and just slept.

Tuesday - Was very awake for ballet today. I felt so awesome. It's just one of the rare days... Ha. Then we went to Jalan basar's swimming complex as a class to do some activity Dayal assigned us. I couldn't go into the pool because coach ling wrapped my ankle this morning sigh. I was too sleepy during Credo In Us rehearsal and dance history. Was really super duper zoned out. Dance history was actually interesting because John was telling us the "Pointe" and "tutu" talk. I was just too tired. The sun sucks energy. Bloody hell how greedy. Don't the sun already has infinity energy to itself?!?!?! Stop sucking my energy.

Had self rep rehearsal and then spent my whole night at Danzpeople. So it's my first time attending their classes there and we go there because of Mycs. She kinda told us bout the recital which I'm super excited about~~~ I attended Mycs' and Andreas' open classes. They were kinda teaching the recital routines. Mycs was so friendly and outgoing with us :') Even though we were like newbies there I felt like we belong because of her presence. &...... She hugged us for the first time EVER. Sobs I'm gonna be so emotional the day she leaves SG for good. I'm not even kidding. I'm so emotional with stuff like that if you don't already know sobs.

Even tho I enjoyed their classes, I felt like my standard was very super super low. Feeling abit depressed about this right now and I'm thinking how I can get through this. Sigh everyday also think new things... I really need a day where I can stop thinking and just, you know, BE PERFECT. lol WTF I'm obviously already in lalaland. Sorry.. But yeah... I'm constantly comparing myself with others. Constantly feeling like shit. Sigh SIGH YOU JUST DON'T KNOW LA IM JUST FEELING SO.... LOUSY. Like everything I do is just not good and I'm just, NOT GOOD. So pressurizing. I really wanna be promoted. This feeling is exactly how I felt 3 years back when I almost fell into normal acad stream cuz of my extremely horrible grades back in sec sch... No.... Why am I living such a dangerous life... Always scared and always afraid.... I hate this... I wish I was a secured student. But I'm obviously not. I suck academically, suck in ballet, contemp nowhere near good, hip hop improved but its still shitty as hell.... fuck my life. I'm so god damn bloody depressed. Couldn't get to sleep last night at all. Just kept on crying like nobody's business and stopped and cried again F THIS SHIT. I don't know why the picture of Melissa telling me "I'm Sorry. You're not cut out for this course" so vividly replaying through my mind. That picture was what kept my tears coming. Everytime i close my eyes, i see that picture. No.....................

Today - I really had no motivation for ballet. I don't know what to do. Assessment is in a months time... I am not improving and I don't know how I'm gonna pass this sem's assessment. I wanna do well but I'm just not getting it right. Techniques techniques techniques..... Bullshit. I am probably never gonna get ballet right in my entire life. Viewpoints was bullshit too... I felt like everyone was just doing their own things. I didn't know how to continue their "own thing" so I just sat out of it. Had Contemp in the afternoon as usual. Put my whole heart to the whole class and still felt like crap in the end. I need to learn how to control my emotions. All of a sudden my eyes gets all watery and shit just cuz I couldn't get it right. I need to suck it up and move on sobs. (but i cant) Thank god I sweated like shit. Tears in my eyes just looked like it was sweat from my forehead.

Went to watch this show at Substation called "Leaping Fish". Gosh I freaking wasted my 1.5hours of life. It's the stupidest shit ever. When I watch it, I feel like I'm watching a primary school drama skit, except it's two full grown adults. -_-

I'm finally home before 10! So glad I could actually blog right now. I'm really feeling super cooped up inside. Everything's hitting me all at once, all over again. I really wanna know what's my plus point. There's nothing. THERE'S NOTHING I CAN THINK OF AND I'M JUST EJIWOSFESKHNFKAFJFN F F F F F F F F

Dont know what to do. I really just need to shut down.

I feel like I need to have faith and obviously more confidence in whatever I do but it just doesn't work that way. I just know that I can't. S I G H

There's this audition thing going for the this flashmob that needs 30 dancers. Jose, the person in charge, sent out the email to millions of people and yeah. So he's gonna choose his 30 dancers. My conclusion is, I'm probably not gonna be chosen. & then that's gonna hurt my already depressed self-esteem. Fuck i really can't deal with this right now. I don't know how the fuck am i gonna overcome this shit. I'm like drowning but I don't wanna scream for help because no one's gonna help me.

Bye bye time for me to sleep. Best is to not wake up, really

A dream you dream alone is only a dream

CURRENT MOOD: OVERWHELMED

Omg what a weekend. What a coincidental weekend. Gosh ok.

Basically, my whole week of energy was drained out by school, as usual. What's new? I have alot of work piled up. I have less than a month to get shit done. Semester is gonna end in like 1month plus time. How fast!?!?!? IT'S TOO FAST

Alright so I met up with my ladies on Thursday night. I can't believe I got high on caffeine. Liqian too. Both of us were like on drugs or something what the hell. LOL missed them so much... I would kiss them all if I could muacks muacks muacks hahaa~~ We went to watch this show by Melissa's dance school. It was so boring in the beginning. All I could think of is sleep. I was really too sleepy... But thankfully the other half was so much more interesting. The awkward moment when your stomach has so many laughing worms and you can't stop laughing and you're in a freaking theatre... I was being judged by this aunty. She turned back and gave me SHUT UP OR ELSE face. WHO CARES IT WAS SO FUNNY.... They were using shadow puppets. Then the puppets were so freaking small. Then Andrea said "eh cockroach" LOL!!!! After she said that I just cannot stop laughing everytime i see the puppets. So bloody funny HAHAHA.

Saturday was initially a stupid day. We had to go back to school in the morning at 10 for stupid arts history and then we had Credo in Us at 5-7pm. Thankfully we went to Bugis+. They had this Safra Dance Fiesta thing going on so we all had lunch and then sat there till 4pm. THEY WERE SO BLOODY AWESOME!! We saw our junior that just got into Lasalle. Wow he is one awesome hip hop dancer. & turns out that we were schoolmates and cca mates during primary school. I bet Crystal was thinking I was insane when I asked her who the heck was he and why I couldn't remember him. She freaking "DUH" me with capitals when I asked if he was in WGPS. LOL ok fine. It took me so long to digest that in the night. Before that there was some confusion going on with Andrea(er) and Andrew and I was just like OH ok I thought they knew each other. Ok that was just a misunderstanding hahahahaha.

Went to Kbox this afternoon with my ladies again. I LOVE Y'ALL I LOVE Y'ALL hehehe. But I was so hyper in the morning so I think I used up all my energy... I felt so dead at like 3. I've been feeling like that for the past few days. I'd be hyper one moment and then the next, I can't even finish a sentence cuz I'm that tired.

Went home at 5 and when i was about to fall asleep, my brother told me that we were going for dinner. Had Sushi tei for dinner. There was this guy who was working there that caught my attention. Dk he just looked familar so yeah. When he served us I saw his name tag. I kinda knew I know this name but I just cannot remember how this person looked like. Then i kept saying his name in my head to think of how he look like but i gave up. So i went FB to check. & everything made sense. He was a friend that I have not talked to since sec1. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH COINCIDENCES THIS WEEKEND!!!! CAN'T DIGEST ALL THESE. Singapore is too bloody small. Too. Bloody. SMALL. (Wow the irony.)

Alright too much for a weekend. I need to start doing work hahahaha. Goodbye darlingz.

No diggity BLEH

OLLA!

I am currently SICK, again... Yawnz

Spent my weekends with my family and watching shows... Heh currently watching this old taiwan drama by Rainie and Wilber. Well I think it was a show when everyone was crazy about but I just didn't bother watching until now. Because so many people were crazy over it, the OST was playing everywhere and I was in love with the song. Yeh yeh yeh ok I never wanted to admit that Wilber Pan was handsome. Because when I was younger, "Bu De Bu Ai" kept playing and I got so bloody sick of that song. Somemore I played Audition in the past. Noobies in audition just freaking loved that song because it was one of the slower bpm songs. So i hated that song!!!! Everytime that MV came on MTV, I'd just say how irritating it was and how he should freaking..... stop singing it. But I do know that he is very good looking and those lips ARGH -i wanna kiss it-. Due to pride issues I just denied it all the way. Even until now I don't dare to spazz to my maid because she knows I used to hate over "Bu de bu ai". Right nowwwww I got a reason to spazz! HAHA because of the show~ HIS BLOODY LIPS IS SO BLOODY SEXY AND SOFT LOOKING OMG ROAR. I don't know but he gives me a very "taeyang" feel. K I should probably say taeyang gives me a very "wilber pan" feel since I know wilber first then taeyang. BUT yeah you know. K sorry his lips really very distracting

 GIVE ME THOSE LIPS

K back to reality. School was not so bad today. WOKE UP LATE. It was one of those days where you were so into your dreams you forgot to wake up. & what was i dreaming about? ME AND MY BROTHER AND HIS FISHES OMFG. WHY MAN WHY. In my dream, we were kinda in trouble and I didn't know what to do and then my mother called me to tell me I was late. Hmm

Had hiphop test today. Gave my ALL during the first run. Cuz yeah I thought we only had one try. But we had another try. So the second one I was less confident and made mistakes here and there plus my knee only gave me one try to prove myself sigh sigh sigh :( The second time I was dancing with my piercing pain knee :( But yeah I think my all was not so bad considering that Mycs actually pointed that me and Jingwen stood out the most? OF COURSE NEED MORE STAMINA. If i had more stamina I might have been able to last throughout the whole 6 minutes EVEN WHEN IM IN PAIN. Our other routine was bullshit la. I don't know we'll get high marks for that. I am bullshit hahaha.

Mycs continued our "No diggity" routine. GOSH SO AWESOME SIGH MYCS I LOVE YOU FOR BEING SO AWESOME. K right now I still can't get the timing right and stuff booohooo. I have 2 days to get timing AND steps right. Yeah baby 2 days.

Goodbye. Time to watch those lips move. 

Immobile

Okay, I got so caught up with playing app games and watching shows that I totally forgotten to blog.

So project week was totally not project week. Well, we do get lesser lessons, we get to sleep more. Other than that it's just equally tiring. 2 Albert lessons = 2 weeks of dancing. My knee was hurting so extremely bad during Albert's 2nd lesson that I made my group redo the exercise so many times because I couldn't do full out. It always hurt like 5minutes and then I can dance again. The pain still lingers but it's bearable.

After so many weeks of not having hip hop lessons, we finally had hip hop yesterday! It was awesome! Mycs did blocking for my group's item. AWESOME I feel so awesome... Except my solo part is abit rubbish. I still don't know how I'm gonna end it. Boohoo my knee started hurting just 30minutes after dancing hiphop. I was just praying for it to go away sigh :'( Improv was insane. We turned so many times it made me feel like I was on drugs. Had a terrible terrible headache after class.

I thought I was gonna be late for hip hop this morning but apparently a miracle happened.  Since when Serangoon - Dhoby Ghaut was only a 10minute train ride? I was so shocked. I looked at the time and went like WOAH YOU SERIOUS BRO. I couldn't believe my eyes. So yeah, was just on time for hip hop. She taught us another choreo. It was so smexayeeeeee. Sadly, my group only had like 1 eight of choreography. I think she haven't finished with our part. WELL HOPEFULLY. Because I think it's really too short.

I had no motivation to do body conditioning. Just didn't bother.... I told Miss Leia about my knee and she knows that we had albert's lessons. Then she said one thing that made so much sense. "Panick makes your mind forget all about your knee and feet alignment. That's why all your knee your ankle or wherever or like that." Contemp was killing my knees and ankles. I don't know what to say anymore. I wasn't even doing full out. I was just eating into the pain doing the routines. After class, I couldn't plie properly anymore. I was trying so hard to protect my knee, I probably used the wrong muscle to plie so now my groin hurts so badly too. F M L FUCK MY LIFE

This is driving me extremely mad. Asking your friends for help or advice is never a smart thing to do. I don't understand them. I asked if I should see my physiotherapist. They told me coach ling is good. I kinda totally forgot about coach ling so I text him this morning to book an appointment. It was already late in the afternoon but I didn't receive a reply from him. So I was quite sad. This Andrea then told me he might not be able to help me. I'm just like omg seriously? I don't know what's her point in telling me actually. C'mon everything has got 2 sides to it la right? I really don't know what to do tears just came out of my eyes. I really don't wanna know what's going on with it because I am afraid it'd be serious... I don't wanna sit out of lessons. Can I have a new pair of legs? :(

The thing with me is I always think my injuries are not serious and I don't need to do anything about it. Most of the time I just let it heal by itself and I survive what! But this is not happening to me. I am just getting worse day by day. I hate to exaggerate my injury. I just don't know how serious is it. I always think "Is it serious enough for me to talk about it or do I just shut up and continue dancing?" I really wish I had Jingwen's body... From sem 1 till now, she has never injured herself EVER. I'm so envious gurl

Having my period right now and am eating like a monster. Stressing out over my stupid injury. Lousy body LOUSY BODY GND BYEBYE

When i look at you

Ollaaaa. Reached school at like 9.30 today. We had Asian dance presentation today. Sigh I'm such a stressed up bitch... Everyone's presentations were like all up to standard and i felt like mine was just bullshit. Obviously la.. I really can't do presentations. I get all tensed and nervous and shit. I really just can't talk k. End of story i really hate talking. Then Gigi kept pointing out that I needed to have more confidence when I talk and stuff. I really do know confidence can cover up ALOT of mistakes.... I really can't :( I really don't know when I can ever overcome this obstacle.

Had albert's class in the afternoon. I was actually mentally patting myself on the head throughout the whole lesson until he started pushing like a bitch for the center split. I thought I was doing very well for this whole lesson..... All of a sudden subluxation happened. Omg I thank god when it happened, the exercise was already ending and my group didn't need to redo... I had like 5minutes to fix it back. I was so scared that it'd hurt throughout the lesson. Many say Albert will still tell you to continue class regardless of what injuries you have. THANK GOD. K that's not my main point. My main point was.... I was actually shrieking like a baby when he was pushing us down to our center splits. So painful.... I was already feeling painful and I wasn't prepared for him to push me down. HE PUSHED ME ALL THE WAY. Well my body is capable of going all the way. But.... The muscle is super stubborn and it doesn't wanna open up. That's why I felt so pain. Embarrassing shit I am not gonna shriek tomorrow. I AM NOT GOING TO!!!!

I can't believe I'm in the "gossip girl" realm. Lol a girl like me, that doesn't give one shit about gossips is actually being gossiped. I really feel like I'm a guy-gone-wrong-during-birth. Like mentally I think like a guy. Well at least 60% of the time.

I'm very drained out now. Hm gonna sleep early tonight hopefully. Wanted to sleep after I bathe but I thought it'd be too early so.... heheheh. I'm gonna go eat maggie mee byebye

Control

Friday was a rather slacky day~ Managed to reach Jitterbugs on time. Then had Vincent's body con class. Lunch and contemp was the last class of the day and the week! I was so happy school ended at like 3 yesterday! Went to hood bar to chill with Andrea Luvenia Sonia and Lavanya. Till about evening, me and Andrea walked back to school, where we bumped into Afiq and Shafiq and afew other performance students who looked kinda down. Mom picked me up from school and that's pretty much what I did for the whole day. LOL

Went for a 1.5hour massage with mummy on a Saturday morning~ Shiok! Went back home, chatted with mummy a lil bit, chilled and then went for dinner and a movie with family. Finally caught Ah Boys to Men 2!!! I really have no life ever since school started. School totally conquered my entire free time. So the last movie before this was actually Les Miserables, which was last year. Yes I am that pathetic.

Sunday's a slacky Sunday. Alright I'm supposed to be like pasting cardboard behind papers for Asian dance presentation but I'm just this lazy. Just recieved news from mummy that I'm gonna have to skip school on March 15 cuz she booked a BBK trip from 15-17. I don't know how she read my mind but I've been thinking of going BBK since like Friday. I was browsing through my phone the other day, and saw photos that I took last year when I was there. So yeah even though I'm only going there for like 3 days, I still wanna go. THE THING IS.... I'LL HAVE TO SKIP SCHOOL????? SHIT? There's hip hop that day!!! I don't wanna skip hip hop!? Shit why can't she tell me to skip like Tues or Wed... I won't even wanna skip Monday now because during the whole of March, we have hiphop lessons on Monday too!!! Exciting right?! We're probably training up for the hip hop show that Mycs told us the other day!

Oh no this sucks. I just told mom if we can go on Good Friday instead. It's more fair to me and my attendence lol. I'm so gonna get a warning letter for this sem too, definitely. Ha. I'm hoping she changes the date to Good Friday or hopefully the flight timing is in the afternoon...

Hmmmm I actually can't wait to go Sydney in June!!! I'm so excited because it's been so long since I went to a Western country. Have been hanging around Asia lately. Ah I'm excited!!!! It's gonna be cold too wheeeee~

Alright have been snacking alot recently. Like the past week. Wtf? Shit my life. Because waiting time for Winter's tale was very long, i end up eating. Yes I'm gonna start controlling again. CONTROL SHAN CONTROL YOU CAN DO IT