Future

"I realized that when you are put under stress, you do not work well. For example, if there is a new exercise, and you feel tense trying to learn it, you actually learn slower." quoted from my contemp teacher, Leia.

I really don't know how to overcome THIS SHIZ. This made me thought of what happened during hip hop on Thursday. When Mycs made the whole room tensed, I TOTALLY FORGOT EVERYTHING. Like when I am supposed to go out, where's my next blocking, what's the next song even. Omg why am I like that!

Spent my whole morning watching dance videos online. I'm so envious of those who are able to learn a choreography in an hour and is able to PERFORM it on the spot. I always can't.

....... I fell asleep and forgot to blog so right now I'm gonna continue.

I actually dreamt of dancing. WOW LOL that's a first. Obviously proves that I've been thinking too much about the point that I just stated above, before I fell asleep. I dreamt that I was in a studio that I actually felt like I belonged. & we were also practicing for a recital. Weird thing was, I didn't know anyone from my dream. Hm weird.

GAH I WANNA D A N C E.... Why can't I just DANCE and not worry about assessments... Sigh I remembered this acting lecturer whose name I've forgot that took over our animal work class. (Just for your information, he's the one lecturer in my school that probably owns all of Jeremy Scott's Original shoes) He said assessments are the ones that kills art. YEAH DUH GOSH CUT THOSE ASSESSMENTS. Those unneeded assessments..

Honestly I feel like I know what I want, but I just really don't know how to get there. I still think I'm not on the right track to my career. I don't know. I don't see the need of ballet in the future. & that is the one thing I'm always worried about. How is this passion? I feel so judged cuz I suck so much in ballet. It's like because I suck so badly at ballet, I suck badly overall.. I can't stand this judgment no more.... I wanna look forward to waking up everyday. I don't wanna dread school. The worst thing you can ever feel, is DREADING SCHOOL.

Mummy asked me if I've plans in the future, asked me if I would do degree. I really don't know man. I really need someone to talk to. I need to know how to get there. But I don't know anyone.... SIGH why is this all back to square 1 again. I hope I figure this out soon. I need to.... Time is too little..