I AM BACKKKKKK

Alright last week school has been awfully tiring and yet fun at the same time. I can't decide on which feeling is more dominant in me right now. It's only week 1 of Lion/dragon dance and I felt like its been weeks since we've been doing lion/dragon dance. That is our 2nd Asian Theatre project with the performance kids. I was picked as the percussionist at first. Hmmm oh well I should've actually just stick to being a percussion because right now I'm the Lion's tail and it's so damn tiring. Actually everything's tiring. Like the Lion's head or the dragon. EVERYTHING'S HARD. God 

Been feeling rather homeless after school last week. I don't know what to do I just sit there and wait for things to happen. Hung out with Rifdee and Becky alot lately. Mostly Rif I guess cuz he and I are in the Lion's group. & when we all hang out after school, of course I can't disturb the couple so I'm usually talking to Rif or Becky~~~ He's such a funny guy I feel happy when he's around hahaha. I feel like I've made a new friend because I was never close with him or hung out with him before. Shawn just ignores my presence most of the time I can't stand it but I don't care so it's ok with me LOL. 
 

Albert's class was just like a contemp class today. Edem's super duper injured right now because albert forced a split on him. Gawd :( Just when I thought body con with Albert was awesome.... Nooooo it's getting from bad to worse. 

 

Lion dance was tiring as hell today because coach ling made us do the jumps. Joey was my lion partner and she needed to jump on me but kept on failing until the very end of class. Miracle happened!!! HAHA but guess what..... My thigh is damn bloody bruised right now it's so ugly T_T

Had dinner at Bugis and then went back to school with everyone because all of them had parents or whoever to fetch and bla bla bla. Andrea left first. Then Shafiq Becky and Shawn left all at once. All those who had a ride home... Gawd. Afiq was on the other side of the frass and since we go home the same way, I waited for him to go home, WHICH WAS ACTUALLY QUITE LONG. Sat on the frass with Rif till Ruishan and afiq decided to go home.

SO YUP FINALLY HOME AND NO I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO CONTEMP TMR. I NEVER DO 

Another week of my life gone

Hi guys. I'm back after another week of tiring school.

So you know what. I feel like this Semester feels like it's last year this time all over again... It's so similar yet so different. Such a feeling that I really need to get used to.

Nothing much to say about school. I was practically worrying about Dikir Barat performance for the whole week because it took me so damn long to remember the lyrics. I literally remembered everything like on the day of performance. Yeh yeh I work well under extreme stress. So i was so upset that I did better during the last rehearsal than the performance itself. I made so many mistakes that I've never ever made during rehearsals. I was so mad at myself I was so afraid Miss Melissa would scold me or something. But she didn't... I feel so happy like really happy that I finally stopped getting the she-hates-me-she-wants-me-out-of-the-programme feeling from Miss Melissa. I feel so good. When i talk to her I actually feel like she likes me now. This feeling.... I can't even explain I swear. I told her my back became a little stronger than before and that I could get back up from a bridge. She was actually proud of me!!!!!! Guys just feel happy for me please cuz this feeling to me, is overwhelming.

But when something good happens, the bad comes after. My motivation for contemp is NOT THERE AT ALL. Yes to the extent that I even like ballet now. I hate 8.30 lessons. It's really not productive for me at all. Last year, ballet was always the first lesson and I know my brain was just sleeping throughout the lesson. Now Contemp's the first lesson of the day... This is not happening guys I can't survive 8.30 lessons.... Every one of us were jumping with joy when we all knew that last Friday, classes start at 10.30.... My body only responds to earth at 10 the earliest. Anything before that.... I'm really just sleeping with my eyes opened.

Just finished with Season 2 of Teen Wolf. It's so addictive goodness gracious. It's just a disturbing show in a way because it has alot of gory scenes and shit and I can't take it at all. It makes me squirm. But..... The storyline and everything has so many surprises here and there. It's so unpredictable it makes you just wanna keep watching it!!!! I was just being my typical emotional self while I was watching the ending of S2. Like what the hell toying with my feelings this one. I always think like oh he's a good person and then he becomes bad. Oh he's a bad person THEN he becomes good! GAH but I don't care. One thing I know for sure, Derek is a good person. Not very excited to wait for episodes again after i complete the 12 released episodes of S3. Bleh me just don't like waiting for episodes.

Love you guys till the next time 

SO MUCH TO SAY BUT..... I know as i type along I'll probably forgot what I want to say. Ohwell hehehehehe.

Last Monday was welcome dinner. Performed our usual hip hop piece which I thought was a horrible run even though I enjoyed it. Hahahaha and also we did the FOXX's performance during the "expose yourself". I felt so much love from the audience. Alright actually I heard Ruishan's and Jingwen's name more than anyone else's but the vibe the audience gave me was so overwhelming I just had to give my all. Apparently my all still wasn't enough. This kind of feeling ah.... Really boo. I....... can't get over the fact that I did my part of the choreo wrongly. I even tripped and made a fool out of myself. It's been a week and I still can't get over it. I remember last year when I was watching this other group perform Boa's Eat you up, one of the guy attempted to do some bboy move but he fell. & He was forever remembered as the guy who failed that stun twice. I'm probably the replacement of him. This sadness boo.

When you're being put into an environment where whatever you do it is never good enough, you'll feel what I feel. Sigh I really wanna establish that I'm a hip hop girl. But..... I seem to have started a little too late. Everyone kinda have that impression that I'm just a borderline dancer. I'm so sad man especially when others don't see me. Like I'm invisible even though the spotlight was shine on me. GOSH I don't even know how to write what I'm feeling. No one is looking at me at all because I'm just not there.

Dikir Barat was such a killer boohoo. Suffered the whole week with the sitting position. & what was worst was that my body was aching so much from all the wushu and dancing and shitz. Contemp made my knees bruise like shit again gah really when do i not get bruised from contemp? When?!

Had our first few jazz classes last week and it was so tiring cuz of the bodycon and warm ups!!!! But it was fun because the music Yenny chose were awesome!! Her classes reminds me so much of Shining. I miss Shining's classes!!!! I think I will feel very motivated if the teacher chooses nice music. If the music makes me wanna die ah, yeah I will really feel like dying lol.

Friday night was a fun night. After dikir barat, me andrea and jingwen had dinner with some of the performance mates at the frass. This Rif..... had so many mind-fucking games and it made me mad cuz I just couldn't get it. LOL I literally was squeezing juice out of my brain to "crack" his game. & then he can laugh at me. God the whole night I think he laughed at me the most. Piak piak piak. Hahahaha but it was a fun night. Been so long since we hung out in big groups.

Addicted to Teen Wolf on Saturday night... Finished one season during the weekends.

Monday was not that bad I guess. Except for the fact that I almost fainted or puked during ballet. God worst feeling ever I don't wanna feel it again. Sat out of ballet and wushu. Did Music app presentation and obviously Susan said something about my talking skills again. She really needs to know I'm not someone who can talk man. Seriously....... What can I do if I was born this way you tell me. I really don't know what's wrong with me actually. I just can't talk properly. I'd pick writing over speaking ANYTIME. Did a short dance for my presentation and I actually wasn't happy with it. Gah I keep screwing performances up. I NEED TO STOP GETTING NERVOUS.

Did like an hour of dikir barat self prac. There wasn't any dikir barat today so I went to the frass to sleep. So hot I sweat while sleeping ok omg. LOL sat at KFC for so long before we were waiting for time to pass. Bumped into Leonard again. Omg me and him forever bumping into each other wow. Jingwen and I are forever talking about our single life. This sadness always having single ladies talk with her. Haiya hahahaha. "You either fall in love or you watch others fall in love."

Went for Kayte's basic groove. Boo i really wanna be good. I really can't wait for the day for someone to come up to me and tell me I'm amazing.... Not based on bias opinion, but that he/she really felt that I was good. Will that day ever come? SHANNY :( Feeling sad for myself but no that's not the way to go. Life goes on

Alright I'm gonna attempt to go to bed right now. Goodnight ma ladies

Gah what is life

Current feeling: -_-

It's a sunday night... School barely even started but because of the long weekend, I've yet again, lost motivation for school. (That was fast.. Yeah tell me about it.)

So many things going on for the whole of next week. I'm having like silent mental breakdown but instead of doing anything i'm doing nothing. Not prepared for FOXX performance at all. I'm scared of the slanted floor we're gonna perform on. Really. Not prepared to be judged all over again :(

Don't even get me started on the freaking presentation that I'm supposed to present along with Edem and Adi. I'm actually not worried for myself because erm yeah I've done my part of the research. It's just a matter of luck. Like whether i'll freak out and stutter all over again... Gawd that's not even news anymore, coming from Shanette. & The ION Gallery sight specific piece that we're doing this Wed... Ridiculous we don't even have any costume for it yet. Noooo :(

Everytime school starts I have this strong tendency to slim down. Like DOWN DOWN DOWN. Why? Cuz I'm the biggest size in class and it is da demoralizing. You know like if you're in public oh well it's ok cuz there will definitely be people bigger than me LOL. But in school? In class? NUH UH UH GURL TIME TO SLIM DOWN.

I have like 8kg to go to my ideal weight. 8 GUYS 8. 8 is freaking...... IMPOSSIBLE. Well ok I'm just aiming for 3 right now. Just 3. When I say slim down I don't mean slim down and then put back on. When I slim down I make sure I STAY that weight FOREVER. Ok la maybe afew hundred grams up and down but still around the same weight you know. If not there's no point slimming down. Lol.

I'm thankful I have been maintaining my weight... I eat alot yeah cuz of the holidays but I move alot too. THANK GOD. It was so hard for me to stand on the weighing machine during the holidays cuz I was SO scared that I'd just shoot up all of a sudden. Takes me so much courage to go up that freaking weighing machine. But everytime I did I heave a huge sigh of relief. THANK GOD ONCE AGAIN. I maintained. BUT MAINTAINING IS NOT ENOUGH FOR A FATTY BITCH LIKE ME BOOHOO SLIM DOWN SLIM DOWN~~~~

Gah ok ok ok ok ok I'm like not even concentrating while I'm typing this right now. Bleh

HAPPY PUBLIC HOLS!

ALOHA GUYS!!! Selemat Hari Raya to all my amazing Muslim friends!!!! Me love you all so much~~!

Another week of school has passed. Technically this is only week 1 but if we go by literal, it'd be already week 3 ok. Bleh.. We only had 3 official school days and already have so much work to be done. I guess I'm really in year 2 now. Well at least I have like 4 days of break cuz of the festive holidays!!! Yay to hari raya and national day and the weekends babehzzz!

I know my previous post was about how I lost all motivation for school. But when school started I actually felt different. I was actually paying attention in Ballet and stuff. Don't know if this will last for long but yeah. I kinda just took Jingwen's advice. Ha ha.... I told her about how I just can't simply find motivation for school at all. She told me to just stop complaining and like saying how much I don't want a certain class. So i just did.

Been quite depressed over something though.... Can y'all guess? Group work. I'm so annoyed at how no one wants to be grouped with me. I don't know why my closest school friends die also don't want to work with me. I feel like I work ok with them but I guess they just refuse to work with me. Always leaving me with no one. I don't see what's wrong with working with your good friends. The others also stayed with their good friends what?! Oh my god. What logic is this can't stand it. For 2 days straight we were supposed to choose our own group mates. I don't even have a say in anything because the person I wanna work with doesn't want me AT ALL. Why are there so many group works..... I can't handle shit like this. JUST LET ME WORK ALONE. Or else can the teacher just pick groups for us.... WHY LET US PICK? So annoying. If I was still in BPS, if the teacher let us pick our own groups I'd be so happy because it's like default one, I don't even need to worry. My clique will definitely count me in. This just makes me depressed man. Monday went so well until we were left to pick our own groups and no one pick me, leaving me in the no-one-wants-to-work-with-them group. Fuck. Fine whatever can't give no shit. Went for my daily groove class with the usuals. Yay it did brightened my night.

So yeah besides group work shit, school's actually going quite well. I'm enjoying Dikir Barat, a part of our Asian Theatre project. Our teacher for it is extremely humorous and I'm so thankful for that! I'm excited for our Dikir Barat performance during the end of the month!!! YES I KNOW we only have like 2 weeks to prepare for the performance. We're supermen and women. Look forward to it!!!! Hopefully someone records it!!~~~

Anyway!!! Mummy and I switched laptops!!! She gave me her new macbook because she needed Windows software and no matter how she tried installing it into the macbook, it didn't work. So she just took my computer instead. I know it's kinda bad to give her an old computer but..... I asked her many many many times before I willingly took her macbook. Heheheh~ I'm happy!!! I finally have a macbook! Although I'm really NOT used to the software but I'm sure i'll get the hang of it soon... Still exploring it. Need to get a casing for it otherwise scratches will be on it in no time man.

Enjoying the nice public holiday now~ Looking through instagram and seeing all the pretty costumes my Muslim friends are wearing.. Hahaha I want money too!!!!! CNY!!!!!! (Cheh still have so many more months hahaha.

Alright guys till the next time!!!