Gah what is life

Current feeling: -_-

It's a sunday night... School barely even started but because of the long weekend, I've yet again, lost motivation for school. (That was fast.. Yeah tell me about it.)

So many things going on for the whole of next week. I'm having like silent mental breakdown but instead of doing anything i'm doing nothing. Not prepared for FOXX performance at all. I'm scared of the slanted floor we're gonna perform on. Really. Not prepared to be judged all over again :(

Don't even get me started on the freaking presentation that I'm supposed to present along with Edem and Adi. I'm actually not worried for myself because erm yeah I've done my part of the research. It's just a matter of luck. Like whether i'll freak out and stutter all over again... Gawd that's not even news anymore, coming from Shanette. & The ION Gallery sight specific piece that we're doing this Wed... Ridiculous we don't even have any costume for it yet. Noooo :(

Everytime school starts I have this strong tendency to slim down. Like DOWN DOWN DOWN. Why? Cuz I'm the biggest size in class and it is da demoralizing. You know like if you're in public oh well it's ok cuz there will definitely be people bigger than me LOL. But in school? In class? NUH UH UH GURL TIME TO SLIM DOWN.

I have like 8kg to go to my ideal weight. 8 GUYS 8. 8 is freaking...... IMPOSSIBLE. Well ok I'm just aiming for 3 right now. Just 3. When I say slim down I don't mean slim down and then put back on. When I slim down I make sure I STAY that weight FOREVER. Ok la maybe afew hundred grams up and down but still around the same weight you know. If not there's no point slimming down. Lol.

I'm thankful I have been maintaining my weight... I eat alot yeah cuz of the holidays but I move alot too. THANK GOD. It was so hard for me to stand on the weighing machine during the holidays cuz I was SO scared that I'd just shoot up all of a sudden. Takes me so much courage to go up that freaking weighing machine. But everytime I did I heave a huge sigh of relief. THANK GOD ONCE AGAIN. I maintained. BUT MAINTAINING IS NOT ENOUGH FOR A FATTY BITCH LIKE ME BOOHOO SLIM DOWN SLIM DOWN~~~~

Gah ok ok ok ok ok I'm like not even concentrating while I'm typing this right now. Bleh