SO MUCH TO SAY BUT..... I know as i type along I'll probably forgot what I want to say. Ohwell hehehehehe.

Last Monday was welcome dinner. Performed our usual hip hop piece which I thought was a horrible run even though I enjoyed it. Hahahaha and also we did the FOXX's performance during the "expose yourself". I felt so much love from the audience. Alright actually I heard Ruishan's and Jingwen's name more than anyone else's but the vibe the audience gave me was so overwhelming I just had to give my all. Apparently my all still wasn't enough. This kind of feeling ah.... Really boo. I....... can't get over the fact that I did my part of the choreo wrongly. I even tripped and made a fool out of myself. It's been a week and I still can't get over it. I remember last year when I was watching this other group perform Boa's Eat you up, one of the guy attempted to do some bboy move but he fell. & He was forever remembered as the guy who failed that stun twice. I'm probably the replacement of him. This sadness boo.

When you're being put into an environment where whatever you do it is never good enough, you'll feel what I feel. Sigh I really wanna establish that I'm a hip hop girl. But..... I seem to have started a little too late. Everyone kinda have that impression that I'm just a borderline dancer. I'm so sad man especially when others don't see me. Like I'm invisible even though the spotlight was shine on me. GOSH I don't even know how to write what I'm feeling. No one is looking at me at all because I'm just not there.

Dikir Barat was such a killer boohoo. Suffered the whole week with the sitting position. & what was worst was that my body was aching so much from all the wushu and dancing and shitz. Contemp made my knees bruise like shit again gah really when do i not get bruised from contemp? When?!

Had our first few jazz classes last week and it was so tiring cuz of the bodycon and warm ups!!!! But it was fun because the music Yenny chose were awesome!! Her classes reminds me so much of Shining. I miss Shining's classes!!!! I think I will feel very motivated if the teacher chooses nice music. If the music makes me wanna die ah, yeah I will really feel like dying lol.

Friday night was a fun night. After dikir barat, me andrea and jingwen had dinner with some of the performance mates at the frass. This Rif..... had so many mind-fucking games and it made me mad cuz I just couldn't get it. LOL I literally was squeezing juice out of my brain to "crack" his game. & then he can laugh at me. God the whole night I think he laughed at me the most. Piak piak piak. Hahahaha but it was a fun night. Been so long since we hung out in big groups.

Addicted to Teen Wolf on Saturday night... Finished one season during the weekends.

Monday was not that bad I guess. Except for the fact that I almost fainted or puked during ballet. God worst feeling ever I don't wanna feel it again. Sat out of ballet and wushu. Did Music app presentation and obviously Susan said something about my talking skills again. She really needs to know I'm not someone who can talk man. Seriously....... What can I do if I was born this way you tell me. I really don't know what's wrong with me actually. I just can't talk properly. I'd pick writing over speaking ANYTIME. Did a short dance for my presentation and I actually wasn't happy with it. Gah I keep screwing performances up. I NEED TO STOP GETTING NERVOUS.

Did like an hour of dikir barat self prac. There wasn't any dikir barat today so I went to the frass to sleep. So hot I sweat while sleeping ok omg. LOL sat at KFC for so long before we were waiting for time to pass. Bumped into Leonard again. Omg me and him forever bumping into each other wow. Jingwen and I are forever talking about our single life. This sadness always having single ladies talk with her. Haiya hahahaha. "You either fall in love or you watch others fall in love."

Went for Kayte's basic groove. Boo i really wanna be good. I really can't wait for the day for someone to come up to me and tell me I'm amazing.... Not based on bias opinion, but that he/she really felt that I was good. Will that day ever come? SHANNY :( Feeling sad for myself but no that's not the way to go. Life goes on

Alright I'm gonna attempt to go to bed right now. Goodnight ma ladies