Our future as blur as this photo 

A new kind of lifestyle has started for us. I don't know why but I'm just not good at adapting to changes. During the weekend, he has moved to the North side of Singapore to live with his family. To be honest, it felt more homely. It felt more welcoming. But the fact that we'd be sacrificing our alone time and intimate time together is really an obstacle for me. It doesn't bother me that much that I have to travel further, it's the alone time that I'm bothered about. I think we fought about 2-3 times over this in a short span of 2-3 days. He keeps saying that we'll be fine and those are just small matter. But the past few months of us trying to solve the small issues are now gonna become an issue just because of the lack of alone time together. 

Maybe when I was 16, I'd crave a relationship that's built around just feelings and not physical needs. But as I grew older, it all comes in a package. If there's a lack of physical intimacy between a couple, then there's no difference between a normal friend and a boyfriend. He don't understand that I cannot perform well and I will not be able to satisfy his needs if I have to constantly be scared that someone is gonna knock on the door anytime. Not saying I'm very good to begin with but that makes things worse. Because it means I'll be nothing but a worried soul trying to make sure he doesn't ejaculate thinking about other girls just because I cannot meet his expectations. Sometimes girls moan to make things sexier, to make the guy feel we're pleased. But whatever situation we're in now, it's not possible and as a guy himself he just doesn't see the bigger picture. There I was trying to warn him about how things will turn out in the coming weeks/months and yet all I get was "Stop thinking too much/ you're thinking too much". Right now it just feels like I'm waiting for the time bomb to countdown every single minute of my life and it sucks. 

Both tempers are getting worse as the day goes by and it's like no one knows how bad the next argument is gonna be. 

This is me telling the world I don't feel safe nor secure at all. 

Sigh. Good feelings never last. Sometimes you think your relationship is strong enough to brave through the storms but when it really comes down to it, it's way easier said than done.