Guilty Pleasure

You know what's one of my most guilty pleasures? 

Looking at pretty pretty really very pretty clothings that i can never imagine myself in. When I'm bored, i just surf the internet and look at pretty and tall people in beautiful clothes I wish I owned.

Sigh. I guess it's kinda true when people say some girls are just lazy to dress up. I sometimes feel that way. I live in Singapore. It's such a hot place and I don't see the point of dressing up and putting on make up. I'm gonna quote Amanda, "You dress for yourself." Guess that's kinda true but still.... :( I don't know. I feel sad for myself. I don't know how to love myself, don't know how to embrace my own body, don't have any confidence when it comes to MYSELF. 

 I love this white dress. Can you imagine me in it? My fat, short, full of flaws legs? My meaty arms?

 I love her choice of skirt and blouse. But, well, look at her size. I'm almost 2 times her size.

 What am i compared to this?

 I love this kind of tank. But i can never wear such tanks because i'll NEVER look good in them.

I love her boots. That's because it looks good on her small legs. I bet her thighs are the size of my calves.

Seriously I'm not trying to make myself look so bloody bad. I just.... feel out of place. I picture people laughing at me every time I try to be a girl. You know I feel like I'm not supposed to be born a girl? Other girls out there wears beautiful clothes and not be judged. But when I do, people look at me like I'm a freak. HUH? I don't get it. I don't have 2 balls and 1 long thing in between my legs. Wait no. Even guys can be fashionable and I like it. SO WHY CAN'T I????! I'm a freaking girl.. 

GOD K WHY THE FUCK AM I OVERSIZED IN THE FIRST PLACE? I SWEAR I WANT TO KNOW REWIND TIME TO KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN EATING WHEN I WAS YOUNG THAT I'M SO BLOODY FATTY NOW. 

Irritating girls can eat 5 meals a day and not put one even 1 pound. I FREAKING EAT 1 MEAL A DAY AND I CAN BE SO FAT. Damn it man damn it. Don't talk to me about metabolism rate because i know of people who eats 5 meals a day and doesn't exercise and still remains her weight. 

If god asks me what's the most unfair thing in the world, I'd say my fucking size.     

(Sorry I exploded.)