Killer thoughts deep in the night

It's 3.38am in the morning now.
Can I just say this post is just for..... nonsensical thoughts? I mean I might wake up later in the morning, look at this again and go like, "DID I ACTUALLY POSTED THIS?!" Yes. I'm currently having one of those FML moments where I just can't get to sleep obviously because I'm thinking of stuff I don't really wish to think about.

I thought about Poly, about Lasalle, about clothes, about weight issues, about almost everything in my life for almost 2hours now. And for your information, night thoughts are ALWAYS negative. What the hell.

I have this strong feeling in me that I'm not going to enjoy the next 3 years of my life. I'm going to meet irritating people whom I just simply can't click with. I'm going to be judged by many people because I cannot dress well, I don't dress like a girl and stuff like that. God I just need 1 true friend I swear.

Thoughts on how I need to slim down is extremely overwhelming tonight. & it's all because of one shorts. So I bought a new shorts earlier this week which is US size 6. Usually for shorts I'd get 8 because I have fat thighs. When I took size 6, my mother gave me a really doubtful look because the shorts looked really small.
Mom: You sure that's your size?
Me: uh yeah? my previous shorts too loose for me.
Mom: It looks really small.
Me: I can fit la! you want me to try issit? wait. -rushes to the dressing room, but didn't try cuz there were too many people-
Mom: You don't need to try if it's your size.
All I could think of at that moment was "Did I freaking put on weight?" She made me thought that I really bought the wrong size so I went to try immediately when I reached home. It fitted perfectly. I totally heaved a sigh of relief.

Then all night I've been thinking.......... about being small size. I MEAN HOW CUTE WOULD THAT BE? This is Singapore, not freaking USA. Who gives a shit about being tall? Every freaking Singaporean guy is getting shorter each year. You mean you'd like your boyfriend to be half a head shorter than you?! That's just a really humongous turn off I swear. Not that I can do anything to my height so I've already accepted the fact that I'm considered tall in Singapore. I would like to wear heels everyday, though. NOT BECAUSE I WANNA BE TALL, BUT BECAUSE I WANNA LENGTHEN MY DAMN SHORT PIG LEGS. But I can't. It might make my legs hurt like mad crazy and I might look like a freaking giant, about to wallop them anytime when I'm with my friends. Sigh. What is this? Inproportionate body I accept, but at least give me a short body and long legs, not long body short legs right?! -.- (I don't get why I'm whining over issues that can never change.)

Dang. Time check: 4.05am.

I gotta wake up before freakin 10am later. I really don't know what time I'll fall asleep.... Insomnia is driving me more than insane. Is there a medicine that can make me sleep, for 8 hours straight without waking up? DUH SLEEPING PILLS. Seriously, where do I get sleeping pills from? I've never seen it in my entire life. My parents keep telling me to sleep early. AS IF IT'S SO EASY. I switched off my computer, didn't touch my phone and tried to sleep for 2 whole hours. Did I sleep? NO. I end up thinking all sorts of nonsense and end up posting my nonsense thoughts. Awesome.... My whole body system is so screwed I can't think of anything else to say.