Despondent

Wassup. Today's such a short day. I wished it was longer, i really do.

Got woken up by Geraldine's call. She asked me to meet her and Jazreel so i agreed since i had nothing else to do other than heading to NYP to drop off the enrolment letter. Went to bathe and stuff. It took me 40minutes to reach NYP. Sigh what a long journey. So i dropped off my enrolment letter and went to Bugis to find Geraldine and Jazreel.

Took away MCD for lunch with Geraldine and headed to Jazreel's mom's shop. So that was the first time i saw Jazreel's boyfriend. We just sat there and talked and played poker. Surprisingly i found it fun. At least there were people and they were talking while i'm listening and yes i'm with people.

Slacked there till 6pm and i had issues deciding where i should go. Geraldine needed to go to her cousin's birthday party at 7.30pm while Jazreel had to celebrate her half year anniversary with her boyfriend. I didnt want to go home early on a Friday night. Jazreel was ok with me being a lightbulb but i obviously mind. So i didn't follow her. Followed Geraldine instead and walked around Cityhall. Sigh damn turned off, cuz all the while i'm thinking how boring it'd be once i reach home.

After awhile Geraldine and her mom needed to go off so we said goodbye at the MRT station. I was just SO TURNED OFF by the fact that i can't be happy and hyper and HAPPY. I keep thinking how SO MANY PEOPLE are having fun on a friday night AND HERE I AM BLOGGING MY BLUES AWAY. Fml. Went to Nex to crab a cup of frap and one chocolate cake. Yes i am so sad i dont even care if its fucking fattening. I thought after eating and drinking those stuff i'd feel more hyper, BUT NO. God what is wrong with me.

I need a life. Seriously i think i can go downstairs right now, and steal my dad's liquor and just get so wasted that i can sleep the whole day tomorrow. Oh my god. Drinking alone? That is fucking. sad. I hate this kind of days. Days when i feel like no one bothers about me at all. Like no fucking one person in this world loves me at all. Yes they say if i cant even love myself, i can't expect others to love me. YES HOW TO LOVE MYSELF? I dont know.

The feeling of knowing how little friends you have.. They say you only need one true friend. Yeah true but you can't possibly hang out with her 24/7 right. That's just fucking lifeless. & yes that's my problem now. I wonder how it feels like to have millions of people to call up when you're bored. Millions of people who actually knows your existence. Or at least bother to ask what's going on in your life. I hate the feeling of knowing how i was so close to this very person a few years back and right now, we're not even friends anymore. Even sending a "hi how are you?" message seems so awkward.

Oh yeah i was pretty much feeling like this too yesterday and vented it out a little on twitter. I guess it caught Geraldine's attention and she sent me this. How sweet. I think this is the one and only sweet text i've receieved in ages. I'm not even kidding.

Simple sentences like this is enough to cheer me up.