Rawr.

I think i'm having depression. What the fuck. Why am i eating like a pig these days? I really don't wanna mention the amount that i've been eating because the thought of those calories will REALLLY drive me into depression.

Owell today is a fucking bad day. I hate myself for being so easily affected. Ok storytime. Be prepared for a oh-so-wordy-post.

So i was late for work today. I set 3 alarms everyday at 8.30am, 8.45am & 9am. After my 9am alarm rang, i continued sleeping and woke up at 9.30am. I thought i could sleep like 5min more so i did but i end up waking up at 10am. Hence, I was late for work.

I kinda wore a little fancier than usual because I had a concert to attend at night. The walk from Simei MRT to Simei ITE always makes me pant like some dog and sweat like some pig. Plus it was raining this morning, so i was like quarter drenched. When i reached iTea, i changed into my Polo tee and my hair was in a mess. Usually if people sweat, their hair would be less volumised and less airy. But mine's different. The warmer and humid i feel, my hair will be more volumised and more airy, making me look like some mental patient that has gone way out of control. Ok.

While i was trying to catch my breath, Xuejun was scanning me from head to toe 2 to 3 times. & she said "You really look like aunty leh." Kelvyn immediately laughed. -_- I just gave a what-the-fuck-did-i-do-to-offend-you-people face. I know i've said that her words are always not serious but there are freaking times when you can tell if a person's joking or not, & when she said that i know she's not joking. I just swallowed it down. Yeah i know i'm not pretty. Yeah i look like an aunty. Ok. Whatever. Frustrated meter: 15% <- This is for saying me aunty, Kelvyn laughing at xuejun's so called joke and me being quarter drenched. DO KEEP IN MIND THAT I'M CURRENTLY HAVING MY PERIOD. SO MY MOOD IS SERIOUSLY.......... you won't wanna know.

Ok my day carried on pretty well. Then as usual, i was just bouncing around according to the beat of the music. Xuejun had to come and tell me to "STOP SHAKING LA". Ok in my moodswing's state of mind, i was about to show a black face. Then i stop and think, she didn't mean what she said. So i just ignore her. Nevermind i tolerate. Still, my frustrated meter increased by 5%. So it became 20%.

Then Xuejun and Christopher was at the sink area washing things and talking about how irritating the song that was playing was. Xuejun told him, "This kind of music then can dance ma~" I think Christopher somehow said "Dance also must have body then nice what." Or something like that, I REALLY DIDNT HEAR WHAT THE HECK HE SAID. I wasnt paying any fucking attention to them. I knew roughly what they were talking about only because i heard the word dance. Xuejun assumed i heard what he said and just pointed at me and kept laughing. At that point of time i realised they were talking about me. -.- Xuejun said to me "Wa he despise you sia." and told Chris, "Christopher can you don't be so bad anot. Always say such things." After those two lines, i thought of their conversation and then everything made sense. I'M SO MAJOR IRRITATED AT THAT TIME. Frustrated meter: 60%. Who fucking said only sexy people can dance? I know i have alot of fats but can you don't be so fucking direct? I'm still a fucking female and i take all of those things to fucking heart please. You guys think it's so funny to keep laughing at me issit? I'm not some bloody exhibit for you to fucking judge you know? I don't know which day, he said something about my looks too. I'm just like zzzzzzzzzzzzz. What the hell do they expect me to look like? Fucking barbie doll? Give me money. I go do plastic surgery, go do liposuction.

I really don't know what i do to offend the people there man. Mood gone down all the way already. I see their faces i also angry. The best part is both of them keep asking why am i so fucking angry bird. OH WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER, MAY I KNOW? "Cuz of the fucking both of you la!" What the fuck sia. -.-

Aglin came around 4pm to take her EZlink card that she lent me 2 weeks ago. The moment i saw her, my smile was as big as i am. Sigh it's so nice to see her after so long. Her soulmate Xave was there too and it was my first time seeing him. Made Cereal Milktea for her and continued working while i stop at times to talk to her. As i was cleaning up the place, Xuejun said my hair was very messy. -_- Ok. But she had to add, "Eh Chris your girlfriend hair damn messy sia." Zzzzzzzz here it goes again. After Xuejun washed her shakers, she went to Chris and Chris starting talking about my flaws again. FUCK YOU LA AS IF YOU GOT NO FLAWS. Can they stop it or not? Can't they just be bloody kind and SHUT THE FUCK UP?

Then Xuejun start again, "Someone ask you why you so emo." I replied, "Who sia?" & she pointed at Chris. I just turned away. I didn't want to waste my time laughing at their so-not-funny jokes anymore. But when i was behind, i was still able to hear their conversation. How mean can Christopher get, seriously? True colours all come out. -.- I heard something like "Who say i'm concerned? I'm not please." Huh? What fucking sentence is this. We both know we're just friends. Or colleagues. Or whatever you want to group us as. Friends/colleagues cannot be concerned about each other? WOW. What a fucking.......... ungentlemanly person. Ok i don't know how to explain but i know the sentences i heard were all so pain to the heart. I think my dog care about me more than you.

When we closed the shop, Xuejun made a drink for me. I really cannot be angry at Xuejun you know. I feel her care and concern deep down, even though all she does is scold me. I can feel it, that's enough. That fucking Chris can just bang his head and die. We went Bedok Point together. On the way, Chris kept asking if i was ok, asking if i had some heart issues. WHAT FOR? Ok or not your business? If you don't wanna try to make me feel better then stop bloody asking me. Had Pastamania for dinner.

Rushed down to indoor stadium right after that. I reached on the dot, 8pm. I couldn't get the tshirt because i was late. Sigh i hate my spot. It's so far from him. Those nearest to him were so lucky..... I want some fan service from him :( He's so perfect i kept sobbing. There was this part of the interaction, where 5 lucky fans were called up to stage. They were chosen because their seats below had a note placed by kim hyun joong in the afternoon. What the fuck i had no luck at all. So they played some lame game on stage. 1 had no present, 4 had present. THE ONE WITH NO PRESENT WAS THE FUCKING LUCKIEST, BECAUSE KIM HYUN JOONG DEDICATED A SONG TO HER AND GAVE HER A BOUQUET OF ROSES AND DID SOME ROMANTIC SCENE I JUST DIED ON THE FUCKING SPOT, ON STAGE. AND SHE GETS TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH HIM TOO AND SIGH, IF I CONTINUE THIS I THINK I WILL CRY. He's just too perfect. So perfect. SO. BLOODY. PERFECT. I just sat there and think how i can be able to see him right infront of me. I need to be successful. Overall it's a really really beautiful Fanmeeting. I loved it alot. It'd be better if i had a bunch of kim hyun joong spazzers. Sigh nevermind i shall just keep him to myself. I hi5-ed him. His soft hands............ Oh my god.

I just don't know why people don't like me. I don't know why reality's so harsh. I don't know why no one is able to accept me for me. Before i bathed just now, i looked at myself in the mirror and ask again, AM I REALLY THAT UGLY!?!?!?!??!??! Fuck my fucking life. Wished i look better. I MOTHER FUCKING WISHED. Sorry i'm too screwed today.