Whats comfort zone?!

Ranted so much to Jai 1minute ago. I'm just like boiling somehow. Argh. Feels so good to be able to rant to someone. I HONESTLY FEEL GOOD YAY JAI I LOVE YOU I LUB LUB CHU.

Suddenly Yoga became a class that i always look forward to. It has become interesting~ Ballet was not very okay but still okay. I expected myself to be more focused. What happened to me. Not satisfied with my performance in ballet at all today, hmph. Rhythm ensemble was after lunch break and it was as usual, BORING. Ew Rhythm ensem is just boring. The most dreaded mask work came. SHIT every week just gets more and more scary. This week we gotta like go up and perform SOLO. We were supposed to be doing a chore, then you gotta like say how you feel out and SING IT IN OPERA FORM. I was really shivering from the start. Beside me was Melissa. I kept telling her how afraid i was but she wasn't responding to me at all. & in Mask work, Jingwen is the only person in Andrea's eyes. I'm like invisible unless yeah i've disappeared from her eyes too long -_-

The seniors kinda loosen me up by making me laugh so much at their performances but also tensed the shit outta me cuz it was nearing my turn. When it reached the last 3 people, Harris was like "You can don't go up if you don't want to. I'm not forcing anyone." Stupid line. This line is said to make us feel guilty as shit. So i still went up in the end. I tried to put myself in a real situation. I managed to show like a little bit of my true irritated self but then it faded away when he told me to sing. HOW CAN I SING. Lol teared out of stress. THOSE TEARS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO COME OUT. WHY DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Argh shit i need to harden myself. I'm getting too weak. Then Melissa cried after her performance because she kinda didn't do what Harris asked her to do. THEN EVERYBODY BOTHERED ABOUT HER, EVEN HARRIS. HELLO? AM I SERIOUSLY INVISIBLE? Seriously i think i am. Even though i'm like so bloody fat and big and blocking people's way all the time, i still can be so invisible. I'm amazing, arent i?! But yeah i've been doing too many things that are out of my comfort zone, seriously.

Did alittle bit of my project work with my groupmates Louisa Sonia and Yaqi. Performance project started. We were in another new group again doing a new composition. Stuck to my old group, except this time with new members Jasmine and Ffion. They were from my blood diamond song group~ & another girl named Natalie, someone who's really close with the fiqs. I was very sleepy. Actually being grouped with the people you love is way better than being grouped with people you hardly even know their names. So it was a little boring at first but to be able to be with the people i like, it's fun enough :)

Practiced our composition after pp. Finished up our asian dance project too. Lol I don't know what to expect for asian dance project. I really don't. Went to dinner with the usuals, Jingwen Afiq Shafiq Andrea. Arffin joined us a little later. Boohoo hate to go out in odd numbers. Shafiq was like talking to Jingwen, Afiq talking to andrea, LEAVING ME HANGING ALONE. God make me felt so . . . so i didn't bother talking during the entire dinner. Because of that i didnt have that hyper mood in me. Then Shafiq made me felt like i was boring the shit out of him. Actually i could tell he was trying to make me feel better la, but it make me feel worse. Lol Jingwen Andrea and Afiq were always tacking team and always cutting Shafiq off. Then Shafiq asked me "Eh what to do with them? We need to do something to do. What to say? How?" All those sorts of questions. I couldn't think of anything at all. Then i gave him a really lame answer and he gave me 3 sad puppy dog faces. I'M LIKE LOL OK YO I  KNOW I'M BORING OK. Ew sucks i wish i was hyper and cutesy 24/7. Life would be so much easier and happier.

Aye whatever i'm a strong girl. K all these nonsense needs to get outta my head.