future

So..... My dad has been sick the whole day because of food poisoning.. WHY IS HE SO PRONE TO FOOD POISONING?! Stupid market places. I know your food very nice but please be clean can or not!

So i slept at like 7plus last night. I was sleeping on my sofa... If my mom hadnt woke me up at 10ish, I would've slept all the way till dawn... But i had to wake up at 1. Lol tossed and turned around till about 5ish. My body clock is screwed. Sigh i really need help T_T

I woke up in the afternoon craving for starbucks. Didn't know where to go except Nex. But it was gonna rain! Sigh so i didnt go out. Stuck at home the whole day. Suddenly, my dad called me out and talked about my school and the path i'm taking.

I got so much in my mind but I just don't know how to put it in words. AS USUAL. I feel like the dream in my head is too big to achieve. I feel embarassed telling people about it. Especially to my dad. I feel like he doesn't have faith in me at all. Yes i don't either honestly. That is why I'd like to succeed first before sharing my success. I hate to talk so much about it but end up being a loser. I'm still finding my way through life. I really don't know how am I gonna succeed with millions of successful brilliant dancers out there. I really don't. I know clearly what my standards are and I'm just afraid.

I can say that I'm one of the weakest dancers in my class. Sucks to be me. I used to think I had musicality skills. Well Mycs told me I had none. Then Mycs told me she liked the way I performed. But guess out of 10, how much she scored me for performance? 1. Replication skills.... I don't need to say anything about that cuz I know I suck at replicating steps. I really can't take this in. Whoever's seen me dance and reading this post.... I know you're judging me right now. I know you're saying how Mycs is true to a certain extent. Yes i know it.

How much pressure I'm going through in school. I can never know how to describe it. When my dad asked me if I had any pressure in school, what kind of classmates I had, I really just wanted to cry. I don't know what I should do with my life. I'm at a loss. Yes my dreams are clear but it's too big for me to achieve it.

The bunch of people that I know don't seem to be worrying about their futures at all while I'm just over here freaking out on my own. For now i wanna escape this thinking process because nothing is coming out of it. My father knows nothing. He thinks I never think about my future and stuff. He tells me to be one step ahead of others. I THINK I'M WAY AHEAD THAN OTHERS IN TERMS OF THINKING ABOUT MY FUTURE? I just don't say anything. So many people out there are prepared to just waste 3 years of their life in whatever diploma they are in. Everytime I ask them, "what are you gonna do after you come out with a cert?" All they tell me is "i dont know. just die." Wtf? Do you really wanna die?

Sigh what is life