I wanna know yet i don't

"I'm the type of person that kinda guard my heart and not put myself out there. I like to be careful with what I say and for the most part, I don't like to chase after people and to show alot of affection or attention towards people for the sake of 'i don't wanna get hurt'."

I was so zoned out yesterday. It has really struck me that this is reality. I'm not an important person in that person's life and whether or not I'm ok, it doesn't matter. I intended to go to school early and grab some Starbucks and chill you know. But I just couldn't get out of my bed. I woke up so many times to snooze my alarm. I just wanted to sleep, in hopes that if I try to wake up again, your name might appear on my phone. Nope never happened. Maybe that's why I just want to sleep. I want to sleep away all these thoughts. When I had break in between classes, I just slept. I felt so soulless.

This morning, or maybe last night, I had a dream about that person just constantly ignoring my presence. It felt so horrible but I couldn't get out of that dream. There are only 2 endings to my dreams. 1st, its a prediction of what will happen in the coming future. Yes this sounds so stupid and you might think I'm mad but I always dream of the future. Mine's really strong and it really does come true. If my dream is realistic enough, it will happen in real life in just a matter of a few weeks. No I don't fucking want that god damn dream to come true I'll shoot myself. The 2nd ending to my dreams are.... hmmm it just doesn't come true l o l 

Yay to the last exam of the semester. I'm technically on holidays already. Oh well that is if I didn't fail my writing class... -_- I have a really strong feeling that I'll fail. Tsk 

So amazing how many body has suddenly stopped craving for food right after this afternoon. NOTHING TO STRESS ABOUT ANYMORE SO NO NEED TO EAT JUNKFOOD. Means I can finally see my weight going down instead of increasing. Oh well ok losing weight plan starts today. Also time for my face to recover from stress acne. Argh fml I look the most horrible of the horrible people during stress period. I just wanna kill myself when I look at the mirror.

Need to go on a shopping spree soon. Holiday season is here. Wheeeeeee no school no school WHEEEEE