Good day turned bad

I woke up late this morning. So i missed Albert's class. But wow guess how many people turn up for his class. 3 people from my class. Amazing or what?! Many probably overslept and some were stuck in the purple line because it was delayed for 30minutes. So yeah because I didn't have his class today, I felt like I had a lot of energy. Well not really. My back is getting from bad to worse. It's like a sharp pain it's not even an ache. So i was technically suffering the whole day while doing Ballet and Jazz.

But all's well. After Jazz, went to Cups and Canvas with Luv Andrea and Laban. Chilled there because we had a lot of time to kill before watching the thesis show at 8. The coffee there was amazing. I loved it so much it made me so hyper and shit. I was literally hyper for like 3hours straight. My evening was amazing. I love the company I was with. Talking to Luv about the weekends and project week makes me so excited.

Watched the thesis show and I was so proud of my classmates...... All their hard work and time and effort put into the pieces were all shown... :') Tonight was only the open dress rehearsal and I felt like it was already very good. I'm sure the next 2 shows will just keep getting better!!! I felt alive again watching them. I felt like it has been so long since I performed. Maybe because that's why I'm so out of it recently. I've lost it. I haven't felt the stage in so long.... All i've been doing is technique classes every single fucking day it's driving me crazy. Now I can't wait for term 2 of sem 2, because we're gonna start learning new pieces for our upcoming show. I feel motivated again. Thank you awesome classmates :')

After that it was 9.30pm already... Me and laban still had to rush up to meet the film students... I felt so stressed. Meeting the film students never fail to give me so much fucking stress. Vicki wanted to film my solo. I was so nervous I kept blanking out. I kept forgetting my steps and the pressure just kept getting higher and higher because everyone was staring at me. & you might think I'm crazy because what the hell I'm a dancer and having an audience is nothing. I hate to say this but I'm not proud of my work. I'm not confident at all and the camera and audience just makes everything worse. I blame myself for not practicing hard enough.

I couldn't hold it in anymore so I just ended up sobbing like a cry baby... Sigh so embarrassing omg. It was in front of people I weren't even close with. I didn't know what to do. I was just panicking and no one was there to help me. While I was trying to dry my tears, Ziqi and Michael were behind me trying to calm me down. I gotta be honest it didn't really helped. It actually was kinda intimidating because..... they were kinda forcing me to say what was bothering me and I WAS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THEM. Oh my god i hate it when people force me to talk like can you not pressure me. JUST STOP. After awhile when I cooled down and I realised Michael was still beside me, I felt a tad better because at least someone was beside me... Sucks that my own group mates weren't even giving a shit about me. I needed a hug so badly I almost wanted to bang the wall. NO ONE THAT I WAS CLOSE WITH WAS IN THAT GOD DAMN ROOM. I hate this film project so much I am so happy it's gonna be over in a week's time.

I couldn't believe how time flew. I left the school after freaking 11pm. I cabbed home because I didn't want to walk all the way to the mrt at 11... It's too scary to walk alone.

I should be happy that tomorrow's Friday. But some part of me feels like it's not gonna be a good day tomorrow. I DON'T LIKE THAT FEELING. I'm just gonna have faith in myself that I will make tomorrow a good day regardless.