Love? What?

"The truth is I'm always scared no matter what you say, no matter what you do for me not to be. I'm always scared that you might leave and get tired of how I'm always scared about things."

Aloha. For someone who hasn't really been in a relationship, I think I've been through enough shit to know what kind of a person is toxic and what kind of a person is just shit.

Saw a friend broke down right in front of me today. Her personality is somewhat similar to mine when it comes to sensitivity. When she told me her story I just got reminded of the guy I dated in the beginning of the year. To me the storyline is almost the same... Except this guy.... Is probably worse. Because he doesn't know how to differentiate a relationship and having fun. If you're not ready to settle down, DO NOT use the word relationship. DO NOT make someone your girlfriend. Both are cowards. Because they do not want to talk things out. They just want to leave people hanging. At least for me it was just like nothing serious. But my friend's dude.... Actually made her his girlfriend. I think he should hold some responsibility to that status. Fucking jerk.

I'm glad that I've opened my eyes to the kind of guys there are out there. Not all are the same. Knowing how horrible the world is makes me appreciate the people around me so much more. It makes me appreciate him sooooooo much more. Like WHY AM I SO LUCKY? I'm happy that I've met someone who is actually sooooo different from anyone else that I've met. Thank you I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful to find someone that actually tolerates my nonsensical moodiness. Thank you for being so patient with me. Sometimes i want to slap myself for always getting angry over the smallest things. Yet you still take the blame.... Thanks for always reassuring me because I'm such an insecure mother fucker. I know you don't know how awesome you are. Maybe to you the things you do for me are nothing. But to me it means everything. Things like you waiting for me to get home safe before sleeping even though you're so fucking tired... Things like you making sure I reach home early so my parents won't nag at me. I honestly want my parents to see what an awesome guy you are. I really can't wait for the day. & I hope that day comes.. Everyday I wake up and i think to myself, thank you for waking up and still choosing to love me. Of course not everyday is a haha-hehe day. We have our emotional days. I definitely have my moody days. Thanks for staying by my side and making sure that I'm fine. Even though you're so busy you still find the time to spend it with me. Not everybody does that.... Thanks for always making me feel so special.