I wonder why I give out alot of negative energy.. To everybody around me. It's like sometimes I don't mean for it to happen. Most of the time I'm affected by the people. It's the people around me who sets my mood. I'm not the kind to ask how are you or how you are feeling. This might sound weird or like I'm assuming or something but.... I feel... And I don't ask only because I don't know man. I feel like maybe I shouldn't disturb someone lest I make their moods even worse. Why why why. Me need to stop putting my happiness in other people's hands... (but it's impossible lolz) 

Actually there's only like 4 weeks of classes left. After that it's just all rehearsals for the last act. But why am I still so reluctant to go to school? I feel like I'm accumulating the amount of work im supposed to do again. It's always the last few weeks of the semester where I get so headache because everything's due. What the fuck yo. People be kicking me out of pieces, putting me as second casts.... Do I look like I want to be injured? I can't decide if I should make my injury worse or just recover. My fucking exam is this week. My back is fucked up like crazy. Composition class is of no use to my life!!!!! Can't she just let it go and maybe just give me a pass only because I tried but I just can't....!!? I'm never gonna be a choreographer. Never in my entire lifeeeee!!! 

And I still can't decide which days of the week sucks even more. Sunday? Monday? Tuesday? I hate Sundays. I hate seeing him book in. I hate Monday's because it's only the beginning of the damn long week. I hate Tuesday cuz its still the beginning of the weeeek!! How amazing it'd be if he actually was schooling in my school... I tell you ah my attendance full marks.. WAH then again... Pretty girls so many from other courses. We dancers wear pajamas to school. Unglam like hellz

Yesterday mervis and him were talking about the army scholarship or sth. Wah... Hmmmm I don't know I'm actually afraid of the time to come. I think of how many relationships that actually lasted have been brokened because of a change of environment. He'll meet new people... Of course of the opposite gender. How am I gonna handle that yo. -possessive girlfriend is possessive la sial even though it's still long- Of course I trust him but girls are still not trustable!!! 

I sometimes wish I don't know people's stories. It makes my mind wild. Because it makes me think like "oh maybe it might happen to me in time to come." Then again it's also good to know that there are such people in the world and am glad that he's not one of them anddddd I'm one helluva lucky girl. 

Like really eh... when I look back I can't believe he's still right next to me after half a year. Still loving me.. Still accepting me for who I am... Still always not letting any fights or quarrels spoil our relationship.. I wanna love that man forever. I really do...

When will the day come? When I wake up and I see you next to me? That's bliss man...  When I have a horrible nightmare the night before and I wake up I am able to hug you..? Because starting the day with you is always gonna feel right and it's always gonna make me happy.. Though he's so annoying sometimes but I want him to annoy me for the rest of my lifeeeee!!! hahahaha. I want to watch him eat his food quietly for the rest of my life. He's really the only person I'd go all lengths for to make him happy. Stupid sentence again but his happiness is mine... Like what I said in the first paragraph... I aways put my happiness in others hands.. 

Haha I don't know what's up with this random post. I feel like I have been wanting to write in so long but I can't seem to gather my thoughts properly. Oh well now here it is. Hahah 

I miss him a lot and when I say a lot I mean ALOT ALOT ALOT. I never understand how is it that we talk everyday, meet up everyday during the weekends, sometimes even random weekdays, and I still can't bare to see him leave. Everytime when I know it's almost time to part ways I just can't help but feel this cray sadness. So cray I don't even know how to help myself. I spend so much more time with him than anyone else in my entire life, so much so that I just feel so empty everytime he's not with me. I don't know what to call this. An addiction? An obsession? Shit man I'm obsessed with that man.... 

I don't even wanna think about only seeing him for less than a day next week. How to survive school liddat... Gonna be the longest of the longest weeks ever... Gah I need holidays... He needs holidays too.... Then I can see him everyday. Boohoos. Absence really makes the heart grows fonder. 

I miss you... So much.. 

I wanna hug you forever and kiss you forever and just you know baby... be with you forever...