I'm back here again, writing the story of my life nobody ever cares about.

I miss being held by someone who cares about me. I miss someone who constantly wants to see me. I feel helpless knowing time and time again I just see myself recalling past memories and that's all I can ever do. Because I know I can never get back that person that used to be. I'm trying to come to terms with it and it hurts. It hurts that you're still here but you're just an entirely different person. It hurts that I cannot let go because 10% of my heart thinks having you here is better than having no one here. But I cannot keep going on because it hurts just looking at you and feeling like you're gone.

This article is so appropriate for you. "You're going to regret losing the girl who loved you so much." Oh wells. Maybe I'm wrong. But everything this article says about me is true. I was putting you above everything and everyone. I was willing to do anything for you regardless yet you didn't treasure. Excuses time and time again, telling me that it's just for the time being.. I'm really just sad that I can never get you back. It sucks to just hold on to memories and feeling so empty when you're right infront of me. This is really going nowhere.

She was the kind of girl who would be racing to send you a reply on her phone because she didn’t want you to think that she was making you wait.

One day, you’re going to wake up and you’re going to realize that she’s no longer waking up beside you -and she’s probably going to be waking up elsewhere for the rest of your days. She’s actually going to choose to be with someone who deliberately chooses to be with her every day. She is going to choose to love someone who loves her back just as much something that you never did for her. You might cross paths a few more times in the future, but it won’t matter much to her. She might not even take notice of you because she’s too happy with the love that she has now. She will look like that same girl who once loved you but with one significant difference she loves someone else now.

She will no longer look and lock eyes with you the way that she used to. She is no longer going to drool over the sight of you. Her heart is no longer going to skip a beat at the thought of you. She isn’t going to romanticize you any longer. Know why? Because when she found out that you would never be willing to give her the love that she gave you, then she just chose to devote all of that love to herself instead. And she became infinitely happier as a result. You are going to notice a confidence in her that you’ve never seen before the same kind of confidence that you threatened every single day you were together.

AND WHEN YOU START TO TAKE NOTICE OF THE FACT THAT SHE’S MORE SURE ABOUT HERSELF, YOU’RE GOING TO FEEL A PINCH OF REGRET. YOU’RE GOING TO KICK YOURSELF FOR NOT LOVING HER THE WAY THAT SHE DESERVED TO BE LOVED. YOU’RE GOING TO REGRET LOSING A GIRL WHO ONLY WANTED TO LOVE YOU.

You’re going to miss her so much but you’re never going to get the chance to win her back. You are going to grow regretful of the way that she chose to love you convincingly and wholeheartedly. She was the kind of girl who would always be ready to talk about you and make you the center of attention in the relationship. She was the kind of girl who would be racing to send you a reply on her phone because she didn’t want you to think that she was making you wait. She was the kind of girl whose phone calls you rarely ever returned because you didn’t think she would be worth the time.

nd then you’re going to give in to a few of your temptations. You’re going to look over your old pictures and mementos. You’re going to reminisce about the great times that you had with her and you’re going to learn to appreciate them now because you never really did make the effort to appreciate them as they were happening. It’s only now where you will really start to take notice of the little things that she did for you and the relationship. It’s only now where you will really develop your attention to detail. It’s only now where you will really learn about just how good you had it and how stupid you are for letting it go.

YOU’RE GOING TO MISS THE TIMES WHERE SHE WOULD RANDOMLY BRING YOU A GIFT JUST TO SHOWCASE HER THOUGHTFULNESS. YOU’RE GOING TO MISS THE TIMES WHERE SHE WOULD TRY TO HIT YOU UP JUST TO CHECK UP ON YOU AND SEE HOW YOU’RE DOING. YOU’RE GOING TO MISS HOW SHE ALWAYS TOLD YOU THAT SHE LOVED YOU CONSISTENTLY – TO THE POINT WHERE YOU DIDN’T REALLY PAY MUCH ATTENTION TO IT ANYMORE.

And in these moments of vulnerability, your feelings and emotions are going to come crashing down on you like a fallen building. You’re going to be remorseful at the idea of you never finding another girl who will love you the way that she did. You are going to be sad at the fact that you’ve just lost a girl who deserved so much more than you ever gave her. You’re going to regret losing the girl who love you too much.

And now you’re just going to wallow in your sadness. You’re just going to drown in your sea of regret because there’s not much you can do to win her back. She’s chosen to move on and she’s happy because of it. In this scenario, you are the one who came out as the loser. You have to move on but it’s going to be so much harder for you. Because really, how can anyone ever move on from the one person who loved them in ways that no one else ever could or ever will? She was one of a kind. And you let her go.

It's been so many months and I'm still as miserable as ever. Do I still love you like I did before and am I just in love with the memories of you? I remember how insistent I was that you still loved me the same.. I remember how many times I told myself the man who can fight so much for me will never just give up on me so easily. I was so so so blinded by love. Regardless of whoever told me you're moving on and you're just using words to hold me back, I refuse to believe. Because I thought I knew you.. How wrong could I have been?

This relationship has been testing my self limits. Everything that I couldn't accept, for you I changed my own morals. You called me toxic and I deemed myself as toxic. You said I was not thinking for others and only thinking for myself, I believed. You could even blame me that I was the cause for you to cheat. You were the one who caused everything to fall apart and yet you threw all the blame to me and I took it in. When you were at your lowest, I was the one who was there picking you up, giving you support. When you had no money, I was the one who was there to help you. What did you do with that money? You spent it on some other girl. Do you not realise how fucking fucked up that is? That alone is enough for you to deem guilty for life. You really don't respect me and my hard earned money at all. I should've realised that from the moment you left me and yet I still blindly stuck to you thinking if I do more than before, you will return. The fool is me.

I was willing to give up everything in my life for a person who didn't even fucking give a shit about my feelings. I was ready to walk out of my own comfortable house, walk away from my parents for a person who wasn't even my boyfriend. That was how dumb I was. Someone who can't even understand what true love is. Someone who cannot understand people's feelings at all. Good things don't drop from the sky. You earn it. If you blame people's success, then you deserve none. You have no idea how much hardship people go through. How many people work so hard to get to where they are. What have you been doing? All you do is be impulsive and listen to no one but yourself. Even when you know you're destroying yourself, you refuse to ask for help and you think whatever you're doing is right.

From the moment where you told me you didn't have any time for me and we shouldn't meet up as often anymore, I should've known things have changed entirely. I should've been firm with my own gut instinct and not let you manipulate me into thinking I was overthinking shit and being crazy. So many times I should've left. Yet I didn't and because of that, it gave you more reasons to disrespect me. Because I allowed it to happen.

Whatever that you've told me on Sunday, it's still stuck in my head. You have became whatever you said you wouldn't be. You used to tell me how I was the only girl you loved and you can never see yourself loving someone else. You used to tell me how I would be the only one that you're willing to be so good to. You used to be so angry with guys who disrespected me. When I was sad, you'd be sad. When I was happy, you'd be happy. Now all you ever tell me is:

1. I can't commit
2. I don't want to care about anything including you
3. We're good during the good times but during the bad times I'm gonna be fucking pissed
4. Please stay but I'm not willing to do anything more than just sex and empty words
5. I got nothing to hold you back
6. I can't cherish the times now because of the way I am

You can't even assure me that I'm your only girl. Are you kidding me? You expect me to give my all to someone like that? I'm sorry I can't do it. Don't take my kindness as a weakness and don't take me for granted. So what if I love you? Right now I don't know who the fuck is this person who can just simply walk away from me when shit goes down. I don't need someone who'll do that to me.

Now I ask myself, so what if you return? It doesn't matter anymore. Fuck that shit cuz I'm so tired of holding onto someone who doesn't even try at all to find any worth in me after I did so much for him. Instead of appreciating me, there you are screaming over my insecurities when you're the biggest cause of it all from all your shady and fucked up actions that nobody can ever understand.

You think I'm threatening you? I don't think so. You destroyed every bit of hope and faith left in me. I don't know how you can bear to hurt someone you love and not feel anything. I don't know how you can be so open to options when you can tell me you love me. That's not love. That's being fucking selfish because you are scared to be alone. Because deep down you fucking know no one can give you what I give you. Yet you still choose to take me for granted. Then yeah. My heart has turned cold. & I no longer think this relationship is worth another try. It is long dead. You are tired and so am I. Thanks for making someone who used to have so much faith in this relationship even when it was in pieces lose every single bit of feeling left in this.

I'll not let you treat me like shit again. & I am damn fine with you leaving. I don't know who are you anymore.