Depression

What should i do... I know i've improved like alot compared to my prelim results. I know this is already quite acceptable when i've only studied a month before O levels. But i really cannot take it. I hate how my parents always make me feel so high and mighty when i'm upset and then suddenly make me feel so low and stupid when they are angry with me. Why must you lie to me? I dont wanna live in delusion. I know i've done badly. That's a fact. Why must they pretend that they are happy with my result? Just in case you dont know, it's torturing. Who says i've got lots of choices? No i don't. They only place it there for show. When the JAE results come out, that'd be even more depressing because i'd probably end up in a course that i wont wanna be in.

When i got my result, i was initially okay with it. Then i started to think of my future. My whole mind became so dark i couldnt help but think that i've got nowhere to go. Hence, tears starting falling down so quickly i couldnt even control myself. I thought of how others would start judging my score,  how pathetic i'll be in people's eyes. People came and told me that i had alot of choices. FUCK YOU NO I DON'T. Stop deluding me. It doesnt work. I know there's nowhere i can go..  

God does things for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. WHAT REASON?! TELL ME NOW. Lasalle? I CANT EVEN ENTER LASALLE GOD DAMN IT. One of it's requirements is 5 passing subjects. I only have fucking 4. What do you want? I really don't know what to do. I can't see any light in the future i swear. A fucking depressing day. The moment i think about my score, tears automatically fall down. I can't be optimistic. I swear i can't. I'm not convinced that i have a place anywhere. No one is able to know how i'm feeling unless you're in my state, seriously.

I can't believe how some people are actually accepting towards their score when it's more than 20. It's just unbelievable to me. In my opinion, anything above 18 is just hopeless.

No talent. No brains. No looks. No body. What the fuck do i have?

The world doesnt accept such a person.