What should i title this post?

Time check: 3.33A.M.

My stomach hurts really badly right now.

It's raining very heavily outside and i wish i can stare at the rain. Somehow my room is not made for window-gazing-activity. If you've seen/been to my room you'll know why. Stupid room alignment shit.

What i've been doing the whole night?

Staring at my guitar. Replaying my exam pieces, scales. & attempted to play Love Story - Taylor Swift.

Stalking people's happy lives on Facebook, which really pissed me off by the way.

That's all.

You know what? I want to capture my daily life too. Everytime i want to take photos, no one wants. Everytime other people wants to take photos, i'll be in the most unglammest mood/outfit/look. Gah. I don't know what i'm doing late at night thinking nonsense. All Facebook's fault. It lets me see how other people are doing in their lives. How my old friends are doing with their lifes. How my used-to-be friends are doing with their lives. Damn yo.

I hate it!!!!! Seeing those photos make me think thoughts like "What would happen if we were still close?", "What if i was there?", "I AM SUPPOSED TO BE THERE, NOT YOU BITCH." God so evil, but yeah. Those people moved on. I moved on. It's sad how we can never stay as close when we move on. WHY?????????? Everytime i think of memories i've had with those friends, it makes me so sad. Sad to know that they've changed. Sad to know what have become of us. Sad to know that I might be part of their forgotten memory.  

In the past, i'd be like "My best friend has to put me first in her heart no matter what." Now, i dont even bother anymore. Shut down already, cannot open up anymore. Honestly I don't know who's first in my heart. WHO? lol. No names popped up i'm sorry.

You need time to build up a relationship with someone. I started too late. While I know the person for a year, that person might already have a best friend 5 years ago and are still goodie friends. So how can i compare with that 5 year friend?! We make friends the moment we enter a school, which is kindergarden. I have friendships that are as long as 15 years but we're not close at all. So what's the use?! We know each other for 15 years but we only have like 2 years of memories at most. It's just sad. I'm always the one who JOINS somebody's clique, or joins somebody's group. I was never the start. I always start from being an outcast, pitied by whoever, then joins somewhere.  

I really wish someone puts me first in his/her heart. I want to be the first person she/he will come to when he's/she's sad. First person to tell when he/she has a boyfriend/girlfriend. First person to everything. I'm 17. How can i find that person? I can list out more than 20 names that i was once close to. That's fucking sad. 20. Is. Not. A. Small. Number.

Actually i cannot recall if i've posted something similar to this post cuz i feel like i did. So, i'm sorry if you've read something like this here and you're reading this for the 2nd time. WHATEVERRRRRR.....

cuz food is always the solution.