Overwhelming desire

So i'm back. Got awoken by my father's call this morning at 8.45am telling me to take a photo of spencer's stupid ezlink card because he have forgotten to bring it to his Judo competition. -_- Tsk so speechless, i don't know how lucky my father is that i didnt scream at the phone scolding him for waking me up so early on a Sunday. 

I spent the rest of the morning to late afternoon watching this new K-drama called "Big" starring Lee Minjung, Shin Wonho(i suspect he's dongho's brother. They look so alike. Even their names.) and Gongyoo. It's a really nice show, yes~ One part of the show suddenly reminded me of an incident yesterday with Chris. Something to do with embarrassment. Oh well so this was how it went. In the morning during the event, me and Chris were like setting up the whole stall thingy. He. Always. Notice. My. Lower. Body. -_- That's what i've realised. So my belt came off unknowingly.. 

Chris: You don't even know your belt came off. 

Me: What the? - Looks down - (IT REALLY CAME OFF. Fucking 3 year old belt. How embarrassing.)

So i buckled it back and just gave him a look.

Chris: What? So what if your belt came off? Your jeans will drop? No right?

Me: Jeans?! WILL! Then what for i wear belt!? 

Chris: Ok no shorts. - Looks closer - Eh where you buy your shorts? 

Me: Er i don't know? Very old shorts too. 

Chris: You don't even know where you buy your shorts? You mean you got alot of shorts at home? and stockings. 

Me: YEAH? LOL. (I don't know why he detests stockings so much.)

Chris: Serious la where you got it from?

Me: I really don't know la. Why leh? You see before ah?

Chris: -Continues looking- I think from Pull and Bear leh. Look like.

Me: Oh maybe. I like that shop~ 

Chris: Oh maybe you like that shop? You don't even know you like that shop? 

Me: DON'T LAME LA. I said MAYBE. I like that shop so there's a probability that i got it from there! 

We continued crapping non stop and i really don't even know what i'm talking about. Tsk..... Then suddenly these 2 girls who dress very typically walked passed the stall and then queued at Sarpino's, which is infront of our stall. Then he said, "Girls these days ah. The dressing all the same. Last time i used to think this kind of dressing very nice. Now become very common already. Now i must see face first." Blablabla all that sort of crap. He even said something like to him, looks is number1, followed by attitude. I'm like "okay....." To me, those 2 girls look pretty average, pretty acceptable. I think at least prettier than me? LOL I don't know la, i don't like saying other girls ugly, because i myself aint pretty either. Fml la the main thing to me is the SIZE. If i were small and cute in size i'm sure i'm more lovable. Really why the fuck am i born tall and big boned and fatty? Huh? Argh. If every guy in Singapore is like Chris' height and maybe 2 times his size (Chris is skinny), I don't mind my size. BUT NO. THAT IS NOT THE CASE. So yes. 

People like to say i overthink and i'm not fat and whatever nonsense. Fuck you babies. I'm an obvious fat case. I don't have the privilege to wear a tube dress with no armpit fats drooping out. I don't have the privilege to wear shorts without my thighs rubbing against each other. Yeah Chris like to always ask why i like to wear stockings. CUZ I HAVE FAT THIGHS AND I'M OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO COVER THE FATS FROM RUBBING AGAINST EACH OTHER? Zzzz am i supposed to tell him that? Tmd. People with tummy fats, THAT can be covered with a baggy top. Arms and thighs are a bigger problem. They are FOREVER exposed. -_- Sigh you really don't know how it feels like to always feel so big. You really don't. Don't tell me lame shit like i can breathe better in the MRT. Or I stand out from the crowd. WHAT NONSENSE. Those are nonsense. Fml my confidence level is fucking worse than 0. Really i don't care what others think. If i have the money in the future and i'm still this size i really won't hesitate to go for liposuction. People say it doesn't work but NO. I'M SURE IT DOES. Whether i eat, or don't eat, my weight doesn't change much. Its just a plus minus 1-3kg. Wtf? If i can minus of 2kg from each of my legs and arms, i would be 8kg lesser. THAT IS ALOT. And i'll be more than happy, cuz if i'm 8kg lighter, i would have reached my target weight. Sigh fuck my life really. Liposuction i swear i want it so badly. I want to be slim, not chubby not fat not obese. My desire to be slim is just too overwhelming. Why is no one in my family slim. WHY. My father is but he is a guy and he's different from me. Sigh. 

At about 4-ish 5, i fell asleep till about 7. Woke up feeling really cranky. Wanted to go Kovan to get my contact lens. No mood. Dinner wasn't crappy but it wasnt satisfying either. Bleh. School's starting for most of the students out there except ITE. So yeah i'm still currently having holidays from work and will be starting work again on 8th July. Then 2 more weeks from 8th, i'll have to prepare to go school and face more skinny chicks. Oh well good luck to me and depression. Good luck is all i can say, really. I really hope i'll be so busy i don't even have time to eat.