Awkward turtles

Finally my ballet teacher said i did something right in ballet. I finally heard "YES SHANETTE. THIS IS NICE." Lol k had viewpoints after class and i didnt like it so yeah let's just skip that part. I could kinda catch up with Kuldip's contemp lesson this week and I was glad i could. Had a long 1 1/2 hour break after contemp because I did not have Research & Writing lesson. Bathed and went up to the library to accompany Louisa to print her stuff. SAW BRENNAN AGAIN. Sigh awkward moments. I can't stand it anymore. I've decided to not call on him anymore if i ever see him again. He can say hi if he wants. I'm not gonna do it anymore... LOL Cuz the only one sentence he will tell me is "erm tomorrow??? :)" LOL he owes me gongcha. So unless he buys it and brings it to me, i'm never gonna call him again. Reduce awkward moments.

 

Performance project was hella sleepy. We spent 1hour discussing on how we're gonna present our presentation and the rest of the hours hearing other people's presentations. Oh my god do you know how boring that was?!?!?! We had this small talk among Rebecca Ruishan and Shafiq about flexibility. At first they were talking about ballet then it switched to flexibility. LOL shafiq told me that time during Yoga, he saw me fling my leg up with no expression and he felt so demoralized after that. Hahahaha this guy ah. Then there is this yoga pose where you can put two legs up behind your neck. They were talking about it. So i showed them. Ok i only put one up. I haven't tried 2 legs yet. Don't really know if i can... LOL

 

Went to Mos burger for dinner with a bunch of people. Issac Andrea Sonia Luvenia Priscilla Jingwen Cheryl. God every night we have dinner with a huge group... Talked alot and went home after that. I got irritated by something on the way to dinner but i forgot what. Oh forget about it~ Went back home with Jingwen Andrea and Priscilla. They were talking among themselves i think. Then i wasnt concentrating on what they were saying. All i had in my mind was what i should do when i return home. I realised there were no assignments or whatsoever to be completed. LOL then i suddenly just said "YAY NO HOMEWORK TODAY -small dances around-" ALL OF THEM LAUGHED THROUGHOUT THE RIDE FROM BUGIS TO CITYHALL. I'm like OH MY GOD since when was i that funny. Andrea cried till tears came out even. LOL!!!

 

Me and Andrea were 15minutes late for ballet. Hip hop was after that. Felt so bloody dehydrated. We weren't allowed to drink water until she finished putting us in positions for the hiphop routine she taught us. She wasnt as angry as the other 2 lessons. She actually laughed during class today~ Bathed after lesson and went to get lunch.

 

Art history started out interesting, then became boring. Dayal was the first to present his slides then it switched to this female teacher whom i felt like she's whispering to ants. -_- Irritating yo~ Had an hour's break after that. Went to D201 and slacked till performance project. Stupid boring shit all over.

 

Initial plan was to have mac for dinner. Got kinda irritated. Some of the dancers had some callback for rehearsal or whatever. No time was stated. & Louisa told us that we were waiting for them. My first thought was "what the hell am i gonna wait 1 hour for the rest just to eat?! i might as well go home." I didnt know it was just like filling in some forms. I kept asking how long they were gonna take but no bloody one person answered me. AM I THAT INVISIBLE?! Irritating piece of shit. I hate waiting aimlessly. It seriously pisses me off to the max of the max.

 

I kinda expected like some of the dancers plus issac to have dinner together. Usually that's the case. BUT TODAY'S ABNORMAL. We had like 18 people in total for dinner! Performance dudes and dancers. Went to food court and ate. I was seated amongst the most fun loving people. Andrea beside me, Luvenia and Afiq were infront of me. They kept having conversations here and there and laughter just kept coming out. Luvenia acted like she's high on drugs or something i swear... LOL.

 

I guess it must feel so good to know that others are happy and smiling away because of you. Those fun loving people make me feel so pathetic. All i do is create awkward situations. No matter who i'm with, i'm bound to create awkward situations. The only person i know who is NOT awkward in awkward situations, is Andrea. She's sucha weird kid (sorry la i still feel like you're 15, andrea. HEH.) She's able to make an awkward situation not look like an awkward situation. Everytime she tells me her awkward problems, i'm like "what the hell i didnt even notice anything awkward between you and (whoever she was saying)." That's one of the reasons why she and i click so well. No awkward moments between us at all. Why am i such an awkward turtle!!!!!!!!!!!! :( I feel like people's distancing themself from me sometimes, AND I KNOW WHY. That's the sad part. I feel like i can read their minds. "Shit can't stand near shanette she's so awkward." Sigh. When i'm hyper i'm a different person but i can't be hyper all the time what. Boohoo :( Badly wanna put smiles and happiness on people's faces but i just don't know how. :(

 

Maybe i'm too tired that's why i'm feeling this way or maybe i'm pms-ing but yeah la i'm having one of those pathetic days again la.

 

I want people to remember me as something other than emo girl sad girl troubled girl whatever nonsense girl la. I don't wanna be worthless. I know hardly anyone understands me but i really wanna mean something to people. Fuck someone just love me already.

 

Came home and my dad just shows me a very unhappy face every night, so today wasnt an exception. Everyone goes through a long day. I don't blame you for being tired cuz i am too. But at least i don't say "hi daddy" with a zombie face or voice. I try to at least freaking smile and say hi in a pleasant way. Can't you just do the same back? If he's angry at me for always coming home at 10 after school, then i think there's nothing to talk about. From this i can already tell they don't understand me at all. I end school at 7.30 everyday. All those waiting around for people takes up to 15minutes or more sometimes. We take time to walk to bugis or plaza sing everyday, at least another 15minutes is gone. That's like 8pm already. Then 1 hour to eat and another hour to reach home. IS IT THAT UNREASONABLE? No right?! They don't need to tell me how tired my body is. I KNOW IT MYSELF. If i'm too tired, I SLEEP. All those unnecessary worrying parents do. When i want my parents to worry about me, they don't fucking give a shit. When there's nothing to fucking worry about, they make it such a fucking big deal. WHAT IS UP WITH THEM?! They just love destroying my mood.

 

Tomorrow's friday. I don't give a shit about going home at 10 or 11 or 12 or 1 even. It's my choice. They refuse to pass me the house keys. So they shouldnt say anything about me not being considerate to the maids and their sleeping hours.

 

Me and the camwhore freak Sonia~

 

 

I know i'm so small in this picture. Sigh for the first time in my life i feel like i'm not tall enough. LOL. Look at how easy Cher (girl with green bag) and Afiq poses. AND THEN ME? One awkward head beside Afiq. We're all in the same "line"...

 

Alright. Tomorrow will be a better day :)