Over exhaustion

Very frustrating. Frustrating to be in a class/school full of talent. I really wonder everytime why Melissa accepted me when i'm so talentless. You know if everyone is damn humble and doesn't show off their talents everyday, i wouldn't be so stressed over such shit. But yeah i am every single day. Every single day everyone's showing me how useless i am. Everyday people's showing off what they are good at and all i do is sit one corner and ask myself WHAT FUCKING TALENT DO I HAVE. I'm really currently fretting over what i can show if someone asks me to dance. Like fuck there's nothing to show. WHAT AM I. FUCK i really don't know what to say. I don't know why some of the lasalle students love talking about the drop out rates and all this sort of nonsense on how some people won't manage to graduate. I'm just here like "argh fuck what am i doing with my life."

Sorry. I was looking through dance videos on youtube a couple of minutes ago trying to copy it and i fail badly. I feel like crying man really. I want to be very good at something. I really don't know what. Like i said before, whatever i can do, others can do too. I think everyone in their 3 weeks of school has gotten at least ONE compliment but i've gotten none cuz i haven't done any show&tell. Fuck.

It was raining cats and dogs this morning. Me and Andrea got drenched like mad. Ballet sucked like shit. My mood sucked like shit. Elizabeth didn't made me feel any better cuz she was picking on me more than she ever did. Like what the hell. I don't want to say i hate ballet cuz i am TRYING to love it even though it's damn hard to. Just a sore loser who can't fucking pick up the basics of dance. Really pissing me off. I just don't know why i just suddenly forgot how to dance in ballet class. I suddenly can't turn out. I suddenly can't kick high. I suddenly forgot how to coordinate. FUCK MY LIFE.

Went for break and bought a kitkat bar, in hope that i wouldnt feel as moody after i ate the bar. Thankfully it worked. Laughed so much during lunch time with Andrea and Priscilla. Had Asian dance with Gigi. It was awesome even though i couldnt remember most of the steps. Gigi's such a cute cute cuteeeeee teacher... Why can't i have a ballet teacher like her... Why can't all teachers be like her :(

Had all the theory lessons and fell asleep during dance history. Teacher let us watch some Egypt film thingy that was seriously bloody boring. It was such a lousy film. Like it's damn fake. So i didn't bother watching lol. Rushed to bathe after history. Slacked at D201 as usual. The weather's damn cold. PP was very slack. I just literally slacked for the whole 3 hours. Lol.

Dinner with Issac Andrea Jingwen and Priscilla at night. They were talking loads of crap and i was just there, being something i'm best at, a ninja. They have this habit of talking louder than each other and it drives me insane. SERIOUSLY DRIVES ME CRAZY. Can't just 1 person talk and the rest listen?! Noise pollution really. So annoying so i decided to just listen to them instead of talking. There wasnt anything to say anyway.

I think i really don't have enough sleep. It's almost 1 soon. I'm leading such a tiring life. I don't know what i go to school for right now. There's nothing that i look forward to anymore. Shit this sucks. I need to stand up. Get a hold of myself.