Wednesday was Convocation day. So many people had to perform for it so quite a number of them were missing from PP! That day we had no gamelan. Instead, we had 6 freaking hours of performance project. You know how torturing it was!?!?!? Ok it wasn't EXACTLY torturing but it was bloody boring. We were really counting down to the number of hours left till the convocation people would return to school. After PP, went to grab some taohuey with Amin Rif Cher Andrea and Andrea(AJ) LOL. Returned back to D201 after that with the 2 Andreas and slacked. Just sat there and chatted....... then I fell asleep. Afiq woke me up. He was shouting "BERNARD!!!" & i responded.... AGAIN. Omg i'm getting so used to people calling me BERNARD. Shit why do i always get super weird nicknames.... I remember "Peanut". At first i was so annoyed that everyone was calling me that. & then as times went by, i got used to it and even responded to it. LOLOL. No honestly. My nicknames are the weirdest shit ever. "Barney" "Bakwa?!" "Bear" "Zhuzhu.....(Pig in chinese)" "Peanut" "Shannut" OMG -PULLS FACE- WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY NICKNAMES
K moving on. Shafiq bruised his knees and hurt his fingers. Apparently my kneeguards didn't work for him. Sigh felt bad :( Couldn't do anything at all. Plus i know he's not feeling good cuz twitter exposes him. I sent him a tweet on twitter, hoping he'd cheer up but he totally ignored me. Awesome or awesome? Well guess it's Andrea's and Jingwen's job to make him smile cuz obviously i don't know how. Was quiet most of the time because Andrea was always talking to Shafiq and Jingwen was always talking to Afiq. So who am i supposed to talk to? The wall of course.
Went to watch a comedy show done by the Acting students called All In The Timing. We waited for 4hours just for that show and it was worth it. IT WAS A BLOODY HILARIOUS SHOW!!!! Totally made my night even though halfway through, i suddenly had stomach cramps out of nowhere. After the show, Rebecca and Nicole also went home with us. Felt like it has been so long since Afiq went home with us. Hahahaha.
A picture with Andrea and Andrea! Hahahaha!!!
Thursday was sad, torturing and boring. Had gamelan in the morning. Then met the fiqs for lunch at 15minutes. So Afiq Shafiq Jingwen and Andrea sat at one table and i sat at another table, alone. Even though the tables combined it still feels like i'm not part of them. Fuck totally spoil my mood. Fucking hate odd numbers. You have no idea how much i hate to be the odd one out. So they were all talking to each other bla bla bla and what am i doing? Talking to the ghost infront of me. K can. Afiq could still ask me why do i always look so tired bla bla bla. Yeah k can also. Like i've said before, tired is always the best excuse to give. It's so annoying how i can straight away tell that they are unhappy but they just don't seem to sense me at all. They probably all think it's just the typical me. Just the same like how the people in my secondary school thought about me. Always. Sometimes i really hate myself cuz i'm myself. Hate myself cuz others will never be able to accept who i am. Why can't i be like born as a noisy talkative bitch so everyone will talk to me too? Fuck.
Went to meet Jazreel after lunch. Actually i wanted to tell her alot of stuff... But couldn't find the right timing and Priscilla came with me so i didn't know how to make things not awkward between them... :( Sigh so i just decided to shut up. After 1hour we went back D201 and slack, again. The performance people came after their classes. Danced alittle before PP. God PP was bloody hot and tiring and boring. Argh stupid PP. I was grouped with Shafiq. Didn't know what was going on. Things were so quiet between Shafiq and I. Sigh hate it when this happens. I know he's not feeling good, but i can never do anything, at fucking all. You have no idea how this feels. Never fails to make me feel like i'm the one causing it. I mean if he was grouped with Jingwen or Andrea, no such problems will occur. Ah fuck myself now.
Shafiq lost his phone and we were all frantically finding for it. THANK GOD IT WAS FOUND!!!! We searched for so long and called so many times.... Really thought it was lost. Oh my god thank the lord really.. Afiq and Shafiq couldnt have dinner with us because they went dinner with Harris. Went to Yoshinoya with Jingwen and Andrea then home after that.
Something happened to them and i know the dinner must be the cause of it. I hate myself. I said i wouldn't bother anymore but i still did. I still tried to be there for him. Apparently he still doesn't want me to care so yeah whatever. Hate this. Hate how everytime i try to care, and bother, nobody fucking gives a damn. Why the fuck is it always like that. When others care, they all just go like sobbing face aw thank you for caring all this shit. & when i genuinely am concerned, i just get ignored. Wow? Andrea could still tell me how she felt like shit cuz she can't even do anything to help them. HELLO? At least they talk to you? At least they reply you with sincerity?! WHAT ABOUT ME? I'm like a fucking invisible wall? Don't feel appreciated at all. Piece of shit. That's why i hate caring. I hate being nice. What's the use when people don't even care about your existence? If i disappear, they won't even give a shit. Irritates me. Whatever i'm not the kind that is able to cheer people up anyway yeah so yeah. I don't even understand why am i trying so hard. GOD
Had an awesome time with Edem today with the other girls. It's been so long. Went for lunch with them. Then went to Ion to walk around. Felt like a country bum. It's been so long since i went Ion sigh. I need some shopping time, SERIOUSLY. Headed to Edem's hostel after that cuz we were gonna go ECP for PP. Slacked there till 4 and left the place. Got caught by this person who is in charge of the hostel. So we were supposed to sign in in the guest book but no one knew anything. -_- Lol whatever. Went to ECP and DUG SAND. SERIOUSLY DUG AND DUG FOR ALMOST 3HOURS. Jenkin lied to us. He told us there were diamonds hidden in the sand. Of course all of us knew there were no diamonds la. He's trying to make us feel how it feels like to be one of the people who dug for diamonds under the hot sun. Was worried for shafiq because he said he had a slight fever in the morning. Scared he might faint. Lol why do i feel like i'm his mother -_-
Went to dhoby Just Acia for dinner with the usuals. Andrea left awhile later cuz she had to meet her sister and friends. It was actually a good dinner. Yay at least the day ended off well. For the whole week i felt like i don't belong. Don't know where i should be. Don't feel like i'm at the right place. Don't even know who i can confide in. Sucks. Of course my parents' faces aren't of any help at all. Hate myself. Really can cry just thinking what kind of a person i am.
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