Had gamelan in the morning. Andrea reached the train station earlier than me today!!! Amazing or amazing? Reached school pretty early today. Gamelan was bloody boring and confusing today. So glad it ended 30 minutes earlier than usual. Yay. Went subway for brunch then back to D201 and slept till 2pm. Had a very long bonding time with Andrea. Made my day. <3 Ariffin, Shawn and Rif came into the studio after their gamelan. Shawn was crazy.... He was like dancing and singing and being hyper on his own. I asked him if he's crazy and he said he was a lil tipsy(wth). Didnt get to see the fiqs till 4pm... :(
They came and they looked sad... We sat outside and chit chatted. It was all so weird because all of us knows both of them are sad. Andrea kept trying to brighten things up but obviously it didn't work. Went back to D201 after that because it was getting a little warm outside. When they were about to open up to us why they were feeling this way, Huff had to interupt by coming into the room. . . . Waited for him to leave. When he did, and the fiqs almost started to talk, this idiot came back in and decided to stay in the room. AWKWARD OR AWKWARD?!?!? It's not like ANYONE of us even talks to him. Really don't know why some people just don't know some body signals one. He knew everytime he came in, we just keep quiet. BUT HE STILL CAME AND STAYED. He could still ask me about my shoe colour when all i cared about was what happened to them. Didn't bothered about his presence anymore and Shafiq told me. Heartache. Don't know what i should be feeling. I just don't know. Tears came down right after he walked away to Afiq. This can't happen. No...... Sobs i don't know my eyes are too tired now. For 2 whole hours i felt so sad, so lost. I really wish all these were untrue. Afiq was just singing all those emotional songs, that obviously didn't help my mood at all.
This shafiq...... call me out of the studio just to make me cry. What the hell cry already then still tell me to look at him. HOW CAN I DO THAT. Then he said i was playing merry go round with him. Hate it when people see me cry. Hate it. Really do. This sucks i really can't type this out properly. I'm not thinking properly. I'm just thinking what's the future gonna be like.
Watched Singapore Portraits at 8. Stupid boring show. Luckily it only lasted for 50minutes. Went back up to D201 to spend time with the fiqs. Just so different. How could they end the day with Justin Bieber's Pray? The lyrics are just so heartbreaking. Teared again because the thought of what he said hours ago replayed on my mind.
"I close my eyes and i can see a brighter day." No i don't fucking see a brighter day.
"Cause I know there's sunshine behind that rain." No for now i don't see no sunshine without you guys.
My heart can't stop aching, for me for us and for them. It still is. If i say i'm feeling nothing, it'd be a big fat fucking lie. To you guys maybe i'm over reacting but i'm not. You just don't know me. If praying helps..... I'll just keep praying till a miracle happens again :'(
Went home with the heaviest heart ever. Eyes so tired it can hardly be opened. I hate this i really can't believe this someone seriously just tell me it's just a prank. No fuck my life i don't want anything to change. I hate changes. Fuck no this is so sad i can hardly type anything. I really can't imagine the amount of pain and sorrow they are going through. It's hurting me to know anything.
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