Sidekick?

I wanted to go to sleep right after i bathe.... But then while i was bathing, i was thinking of loads of things and i wouldn't feel good if i didn't blog. Ha so yeah i'm here.

Ballet assessment is this Thursday. I'm stressed out because I still cannot get 2 of the enchainments right. I feel like I can do it but when i actually do it, i fail. IT'S ALWAYS LIKE THIS. My whininess got to the extreme this morning during Ballet. I was screaming and shouting because i was so stressed. I could even hear myself so clearly even though the music was playing. Sigh I just can't do anything when i'm in stressed mood. I really can't. Nothing goes right when i'm stressed.

Dance history final exam was today. I did horrible, duh. I didn't study for it. So i don't feel bad cuz I NEVER STUDY. Can't expect a miracle to happen, can I? Lol. Really don't have any motivation at all. My mind is really somewhere else. Usually I'd go like, hmmmm wtf am i thinking why can't i study. This time, i know exactly what i'm thinking and it sucks because I can't get this shit outta my head and IT WILL NEVER GET OUTTA MY HEAD. I still have an essay due Friday and I haven't even started on it.

I hate what's happening infront of me. I feel like I'm watching a replay of my own past. & it sucks. I don't get why it's hitting me so badly. Maybe because I was the victim in the past so i know how it feels. & it sucks to know that a friend is in that same position as you were before and you can't do anything about it. I would really love to say that it's none of my business at this point of time but i just can't.

I sense change every single day. This is the first time the feeling's so strong. You know what? Maybe i started out with too much love. The kind of love that many won't be able to feel. When the people that you gave that huge amount of love to doesn't reciprocate, you start to think why do they hold such high positions in your heart. Then it's worth starts decreasing. Maybe if they didn't mean that much to me, i could really just say "it's none of my business."

Sleep is just a temporary solution. Once my eyes are opened, reality starts hitting me again. Can't think of ways to get through this. I'm trying, if you can't already tell. I'm trying to deny everything that i see. Trying to feel like everything is oh so normal. I'm feeling very cooped up. I don't know exactly how am i supposed to say my thoughts. It's just so hard. I wanna have my own say in stuff but people hear, they don't listen. People always wanna learn the hard way. You tell them there's a hole infront of them, they don't believe, they walk infront and they fall down. Yup only after that they'll believe that you said there's a hole infront of them.

Maybe it's just Tuesday. I just abhor Tuesdays, if you don't already know. Hmmm I wanted to say Life is Unpredictable but it's sounds too ironic for me to be saying it since I'm always predicting life.

Ah fuck this shit will never have an ending. & if there ever is one, it will definitely not be a good one.