Hula dance class is actually on my time table tomorrow... can't help but laugh because I suddenly thought of what I did when i was very young. It's very embarassing but it's funny cuz I'm now grown up... So last time when Lilo and Stitch 1 came out, I totally loved that show and totally love Lilo. Maybe because I felt like her. Then there was this part where she wore this grass looking skirt and hairband around her head and red tube top right.. & she was hula dancing! So i got inspired. & I made a flowery headband. YES SELF MADE LOL and wore some skirt that resembled the grass skirt except it was pink. AND HULA-DANCED. My mother even recorded it on her phone and showed to her friends, making me so embarassed. OH MY GOD WHY DID SHE RECORD!!! LOL so ridiculous. I even hummed the melody of the song! Sigh my childhood... What a funny ridiculous child... (OMG I JUST SEARCHED FOR THE YEAR THAT LILO AND STITCH CAME OUT. IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS.... HAHAHA)
TOMORROW'S D-DAY!!!! BALLET EXAMINATIONS. Alright not exactly examination like RAD examination but examination. Hahaha spouting rubbish again as usual. Sigh I really think I'll do badly. Miss Elizabeth is damn bloody smart by telling us that most of the time, our grades would be ranging from 40-50plus even if you get a distinction or something in RAD exams. WTF how motivating!!!!!! -_-
Just saw my hip hop grade today. Fucking depressing piece of shitty paper. I really don't get how 40% is a pass in Lasalle. ANYTHING BELOW 50% IS NOT A PASS TO ME. NEVER. Get borderline grades like 50plus already depresses the shit outta me and now even lower than that?!?! FML. To think Mycs said I improved... IMPROVE WHAT NONSENSE!?!?!? OMG "DAYS LIKE THIS I WANNA DRIVE AWAY." Fml really wanna tear that piece of paper. Then Miss Melissa made us do some mental quiz today. Out of 30 i only scored a 9?! I totally know i have sucky negative mental issue here. I totally know I shouldnt beat myself down BUT EVEN TEACHERS ARE DOING IT. I try so hard to just earn one fucking piece of compliment. Even if you say something like I've improved at SOMETHING I DONT CARE WHAT, I'll be at least a tad more motivated. I really feel like I'm not meant to be a dancer and this feeling fucking sucks.
Just now while going through Bajidor Kahot dance, I'M TRYING SO HARD BUT MISS SUSAN NEVER FAILS TO GIVE ME THE VIBE THAT I'M NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH. She's always beating around the bush. "Yeah some of you, SOME, are working very hard and i appreciate it. But some of you are not and you know who you are -eye contact-." WTF? "Shanette try to catch up with the rest." ENOUGH!!!!!!! If i were to sit out of the dance and watch the others dance, I'LL DEFINITELY BE ABLE TO PICK OUT SOME OTHER PERSON WHO'S DOING SOMETHING WRONG TOO. Damn it why must it always be me?!!? No matter how hard I try, the fucking teachers just can't see it. I always stand out, in the wrong fucking way. So fucking annoyed i'm cursing like a fucking bitch. It's either standing out the wrong way, or being completely invisible. SERIOUSLY????!?!?!?! Just always not good enough. Not good enough for dance, not good enough for anyone, not good enough for ANYTHING. All the negative comments i hear from the teachers..... Enough. I'm going crazy. Just not good enough i know. Fuck this shit.
Don't think I shall go on. I'm just gonna be even weaker than i already am if i continue. You just can't stop your tears from coming out if you know you're that bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment