Teary night

Woke up at 9ish this morning cuz smart daddy told the aircon man to do the aircon at 10. Argh. But i conked out in my bro's room till like 1pm. Haaa~ 

Had 2 full runthroughs of the recital just now. While I was watching, I was feeling so many emotions at one go. I was so inspired by the instructors over there. I was literally crying cuz they were so good (fml what's wrong with me). Maybe because I could see all the instructors' burning hot passion for their job. Kayte's item was so super super powerful. The moment they danced we all felt their power. It was really..... super duper nice to watch them. & When I saw Mycs danced in so many pieces, it strucked me that Recital was gonna be her last performance in Singapore. I got even more emotional and held those bloody tears in like nobody's business :'( Nooooo she's so amazing I can't bear to see her go back to Philippines :( Meh sobbing while typing this so sad. 

I can't deal with goodbyes. That's one of the most torturing thing to go through ever. I remembered I cried the whole journey back from Korea to Singapore cuz I couldn't bear to say goodbye to this tremendously awesome Korean friend of mine. Someone whom I've spent my full 8 days with. I had to say goodbye :( And also when i was younger... Mummy used to travel soooo much. I cried everytime she flies. Sobs argh I just hate it when there's a bond between me and somebody and then that someone has to leave. Sucks ok my heart's not as strong as you guys think it is. I think it's softer than jelly and I hate it!!!!!!!! 

Why am I so emotional? Sigh I really don't know. I can really cry cuz of anything. That's probably one of the things I hate about myself. Maybe that's why I rather not feel anything. I rather have a stoned or stressed face or whatever people portray me as than to let them know that i'm such a crybaby. I feel so meh when i cry over small things. Such a cry baby. Boo.. Miss Melissa was like "Are you very emotional?" What was I supposed to answer to that? lol... Yup exposed myself but yeah I feel better saying it out.. 

Ok ima stop it. I need to up my game. I really want to be good T_T I want people to "wow" over me next time.. Really thats my only dream for years. :'( I really want to be there. Don't judge me cuz I'm so far from it. I don't know if I'll ever ever reach there but I'll try... I'll do anything it takes to reach there. Sigh some people just has it in their body and some people( like me) are just born with no talent at all..

Also... Can I stop being stressed over the tiniest things? Sigh I hate to see the people around me angry or annoyed over my anxiety but I can't do anything to stop myself. Is there an injection that'll make me less stressed or not stressed at all? Sigh whys my life like this. 

Boooo what an emotional night. Thoughts kill me. It definitely does....