Home sweet home

I AM BACK GUYS :)

The places I been to were very pretty… I've posted photos on Instagram and Dayre if y'all wanna see it. I kinda just want to blog right now but I'm lazy to post photos and shit. Hahahahaha that's me :B I've been to Paris, Amsterdam and Switzerland.. Just a short day at Belgium too.

Just only a short 10 day trip there and everything has suddenly became very different from when I left Singapore. I am not sure of how I'm going to face my reality yet. It's still all a blur. I still feel very surreal. Like every part of this that has happened is just…. unreal. One day I'm listening to "Out of Reach - Gabrielle' and the next I'm listening to "Enchanted - Taylor Swift". That was how sudden everything changed. I'm slowly gaining his trust. Slowly but surely :') I feel happy everytime he checks on me like if I've eaten or if I'm protected from the cold. It's just the tiniest things that mean the most to me.

I'm not prepared for school. My feet's not prepared for school. It has definitely recovered a whole lot but just the thought of jumping jetes again…. I think I just developed a sort of phobia. I don't want to break my feet again!!!!! It has definitely made me treasure my body more but at the same time, created this fear in me. I'm not prepared to see my classmates yet. No it's not because they are bad and all… It's just…. I'm just not prepared to get stressed out and shit. Especially when I'm so lagged behind. I'm just gonna be so stressed in Sem 2. I can already feel it. Plus I probably am gonna be left out in the thesis/collab pieces because I didn't audition whereas all the others are in at least one piece. No school is a no no for me right now. I'm only left with 2 weeks of holidays :( This is so sad. Just thinking about it makes me MEH!!!!!!

For the first time in my entire 18 years of life, I'm free on the Christmas Eve…. because mummy decided to change her annual house party to the 21st Dec, which was yesterday. I was so happy to be able to see all 7 of us in the same room again. It's been too long.. I guess I've said whatever I wanted to say and stuff liddat. No need to get all emotional over here anymore. Hehehe… But it was a good night until the alcohol kicked in.

I guess even though I never ever get drunk no matter how much I drink, it kinda makes my emotions go bait cray cray. Like I start to miss a lot of people in my life. I start to wish they are all in front of me now so I can give them all a big big hug lol. Siao one. Maybe that's its effect on me..

I almost gave up waiting for his message yesterday night. I waited till 2 and I slept. For 45minutes and I woke up thinking I already slept for hours. At 2.45 there still wasn't any reply -_- I can die, really just keel me lol. Still continued waiting. My stupid instincts told me to wait. I know he will reply. So yes he did at 3.30 or somewhere there. So scary. Things I think in my mind and say that it will happen, will always happen. I think I said this a lot of times before. Yes it still happens every single time.

Haven't been feeling good today. I don't know I'm having a lot of bad vibes. I don't really wanna ask anyone anything. Argh fuck why am I always liddat? Like I'm dying to know yet I rather not know. But I still think it's better if I know. Qi si ren. I don't know what am I supposed to feel sia seriously. How come I always can sense this kinda things so well!?!?!?!? Gah angry bird.

I guess it's a good thing that I'm free on the eve but what if no one asks me out!?!?!?! :( Then it'll be the worse eve ever man.. Meh meh meh it's ok i'll just go find something to do. What should I do to cheer myself up? Hmmm