Past

All this time that I have just makes me reminisce the past.

Right now, I'm thinking how I was like 5 years ago and the years in between. How I would deal with relationship issues or friendship issues.. I never changed, for the better, at all. I am still cowardly running away.

I remembered how I gave him up because another girl liked him. I remembered how I told him because that girl loved him more (obviously not), to go after her instead. Of course in my heart I didn't meant it. I wanted him to still hold onto me. But he didn't. For some reason even though we weren't together yet, I felt like he was already mine and it was horrible that she was snatching him away from me. I felt threatened by her even. I didn't know what to do. She was constantly calling me up to see if I was still talking to him and such. I didn't want the ridiculous drama that she has created herself. Hence I gave him up. I knew their relationship wouldn't last. I hated it so much when I read her blog and I saw sweet nothings written for him. I was sure that he still had feelings for me that was why I held on. I felt like a bitch that time because while they were together, I was still talking to him. All along I had this plot in mind that one day he will return to me. & yes he did. At that point of time I felt like it was a beauty battle. Like because she was prettier than me, he went to her. That was why I grew up thinking if I could be prettier, more guys would love me. But that was dumb as shit obviously that wasn't the reason. Because another girl was obviously giving him way more attention than I did, that was why he didn't held on.

Haha yesterday I told Delin that I was cursed to never ever work out with my crushes. He said "cursed by who? your ex bf?" Haha eh maybe leh right? After him I really never had any relationships that worked out. It would always go to a certain extent, and poof.. nothing happened. I think it's just karma hitting me for all the wrong things I've did in the past. Really guys I'm so sad right now. I haven't felt like this in a loooong time. The best part of this whole situation is that, he doesn't like me, at all. Hahahahahaha fuck my life. Why didn't anyone believed when I said he was interested in someone? "No la maybe you la" I'm gonna smack your faces. I really hate how I "guess" something and it always turns out that I'm right. Just let me live in delusion. Let me beeeeeeee. Useless anyway. Because after some time it'd still hit me straight in the face. Might as well get hit earlier right tsk.

Yesterday's weather was soooo cold. Today's a lil warmer but it still feels cooling. I hope in 10 years down the road, Singapore will have winter. Hahahahaha I think by then world end already. :B