Awkward tension everywhere. Why is that person doing this to me? I appear to have moved on from this stupid issue but at some random point of time when I see him it just makes me want to smack myself in the god damn face. Oh my god I'm so mad it's really better TO NOT SEE HIM.

Why did I even bother inviting them to my house when I knew they weren't gonna say yes? Especially the first person to reject me was the person I wanted the most to come. It's so frustrating. Frustating how we even became like this. Plz I could use my Saturday to better use, like meeting up with my old friends but I chose you guys over them. And yup. What's new right. 

Albert's class was a torture. I'm such a big fat blackhole today. Well every lesson there'll be the one unlucky group that does the routine over and over again. We call them the black hole group. And today I was the black hole. Felt so horrible and felt so bad for Jingwen I didn't even know what to say. I was so fucking tired my brain wasn't even processing or thinking of the steps anymore. I was just throwing my body to the damn floor praying that I get the steps right. Scolded me like free like that oh my god. His lessons are passing so slowly I don't even know why!!!!! 

Then I got scolded again during his body con class. DOES HE HATE ME SO MUCH?!?! oh my god he told us to take off our socks. But I didn't because I was wearing stockings (I didn't change out of my leotard and stockings and I wasn't wearing ballet tights today) and taking out my socks would just make it even more slippery. He walked past me and shouted at me to take off my socks. I told him I was wearing stockings so it made no difference. Then he told me "DID YOU TELL ME?!" I didn't answer him. Is he blind?! He can't see that I was wearing stockings? Wtf man why is he so problematic.

After Albert's class was ballet. I was so mentally and physically tired.. My brain really not working I was literally zoning out. After 2 bar exercises, Melissa came in. I was shocked because she told me she was assessing me for ballet on Thursday so I was wondering why she was here. I just did class as per normal. Before doing center work, she told the class that she was assessing me and told me to perform more. I was like huh omfg why was I being assessed without knowing?! I wasn't even wearing ballet tights or ballet shoes -_- And I clearly remembered she said it was on Thursday! I had witnesses man. Sigh..... 

Usually aft bodycon we would sleep for like an hour or so cuz we're just too dead tired from albert. But today we couldn't because Melissa wanted to see our dramaturgy pieces, another thing which I hated. Oh my god I even wonder why I'm in school. 

Tuesday is so not my day. Always having Tuesday blues... Sigh 

I'm very lost in life right now it's annoying da fak outta me. I need to solve this problem asap. I don't dare to tell anyone this because I have no plans at all about my future path and all that crap. I am really thinking why I'm suffering so much everyday for. I feel like all these suffering is just going to go to waste. Why the hell do I wake up everyday just to get tortured in class? Sigh shan you need to figure your life out man.