"What's up? I know we haven't spoken for awhile. But I was thinking about you and it kinda made me smile. We both felt the same. Why did we let it go? Tell me what went wrong. That's what I've got to know.  I thought that I could get over you. Oh well baby that was so far from true. What happened to us? I think that we ought to gotta work it out. Don't leave me in doubt. So many things to say and I'd put them in a letter. It might be easier, the words might come out better. Don't you know I've tried and I've tried to get you off my mind but it don't get no better as each day goes by. I tried to go my separate way. At first I thought it was okay. But I miss you more and more each day. I know that you saw me with someone else. But believe me I'm all by myself. I said that I don't care. I'd walk away. Whatever. And I tell myself that we were bad together. But that's just me trying to move on without you. But who am I kidding? I know what I'm missing. I'm just a fool for holding onto something that is never gonna come back. I can't accept that it's lost. Why is everything with you so complicated? Sometimes I feel like we will be together. But you're so complicated. My heart and all is so bitter. But Imma stick around a little longer. Just to make sure, that you're really sure. I know, one day eventually... Yeah i know, one day I'll have to let it all go. But I keep in just in case. Yeah I keep it just in case. In case, you don't find what you're looking for. In case, you're missing what you had before. In case you change your mind, I'll be waiting here. Wish I could press rewind, and rewrite every line of the story of me and you. Hope to hear from you soon. "

That's a bunch of songs bundled up together dedicated to that one person that I'll never stop bumping into school feeling like shit. Can't really decide if I'm ready to sink into emotions yet. I really think I should still keep myself distracted till then. One more month.... Or maybe 2. Summer break? Will things change again then? I secretly wish that everything will go back to normal. Well... Will it? Why was the hug so assuring.. :'( If it wasn't i probably wouldn't feel this way but I would just still feel like shit anyways. Oh my god so stupid of me to think so much over one stupid hug. Hahahaha I didn't even wanna let anyone know about this. Sometimes it's just better not saying anything.

But.... I was thinking if I was actually thinking of the idea of him or if my feelings were still there all along. Fuck this shit la I just want to lie to myself la. For what sia I really don't know. Went to read my February posts. & realised even though I was distracted I was still posting things about him. Sigh & I really still can't forget the dream I had while the girls stayed over at my place last week. You had no idea how badly I wanted to talk to you in just that one day after one stupid dream. Then i remember we weren't on talking terms.... I guess that was a sign for my future? I'd still choose you over anyone.

I blogged this on the Nov 19th last year.... and then I reposted it again on the 1st Dec, saying that it came true but I should be thankful because in my dream it was 5 times worse. "This morning, or maybe last night, I had a dream about that person just constantly ignoring my presence. It felt so horrible but I couldn't get out of that dream. There are only 2 endings to my dreams. 1st, its a prediction of what will happen in the coming future. Yes this sounds so stupid and you might think I'm mad but I always dream of the future. Mine's really strong and it really does come true. If my dream is realistic enough, it will happen in real life in just a matter of a few weeks. No I don't fucking want that god damn dream to come true I'll shoot myself. The 2nd ending to my dreams are.... hmmm it just doesn't come true l o l" 

I guess right now it really is 5 times worse. But oh wells. Let's get over that shizz. Wow I tell you uh, if that dream I had last week ever comes true.... Wow I'll be speechless cuz it'd be too good to be true. 

OMG MY WHOLE POINT OF THIS WHOLE POST WAS TO SAY THAT.... I need a new distraction to get me through these 2 months..... Why did I end up pouring out all my feelings. SOBS

My day today just made my back even worse. This is crazy. Back injuries are NO JOKE. Need to thank god so much we had no Albert's body con or else I really would've died. But..... Albert's feedback session was so awkward IT WAS SO AWKWARD. One of the most awkward moments in my entire life. Thank god that's over.

I hate this whole "Am i gonna bump into him tomorrow" thought all over again. KANASAIIIIIIII Friday night you need to come to mama. I need you