Woke up early today because I had an appointment with coach ling. So pain when he was helping me with my neck and back. He kept telling me my neck is in a really severe condition. Well I don't know man all I know is that it hurts. Ballet was just meh and wushu was okay.... Told myself I could sob because I was hurting everywhere and that I sucked at the butterfly kicks and barrel jumps. Not because of anything else.
After class coach ling helped me release that tension that was on my neck and it really hurt so much I really sobbed. T_T Went to eat lunch after that and slept on the frass. Hahahah.
Reminscing the past with Andrea after lesson... I miss hanging out with them. I also heard from her that person was having a rough time last week and was crying a lot. I felt so sucky that I couldn't be there for him. WHO TELL HIM TO BLOCK ME OUT WHO TELL HIMMMMM. :( Was talking about past incidents that were actually funny and enjoyable. "Shan will talk to him after your shows." Really? Will I? Bring me back to last year...
Right after collab, Andrea told me that we were gonna have dinner with Rif and Shawn and Becky. Oh my god and we were just talking about them in the afternoon.... What in the world.... God I was so panicky because yup I definitely knew things were gonna be awkward. I was trying to not be but he kept having conversations with Becky alone and I just didn't know what to do so I just kept talking to Shawn.
We decided to watch the Dip3s show today because class only ends at 8 and the show starts at 8. So yup we went to watch tonight. Before the show started I had so much in mind like I was doomed. Like this was never gonna get any better it's just gonna get worse. Just the thought of it made my stomach hurt even more. OMG ONE OF THEM USED MY NAME IN THEIR SHOW "Shanette with big boobs" OMG SERIOUSLY LAST WARNING I CANT STOP LAUGHING.
Waited for them to be released from Harris and I was stressing like hell. SO EASY TO JUST CALL HIM TO COME TO ME?! After 2 months of crazy tension it was so impossible. Yup awkward again. I was so sad I almost piak myself. He was standing there alone and I was alone yet he chose to not come to me :'( After Andrea was done talking to shafiq, we then went to them.
I.... was just shocked after that 2 hugs. It was so unexpected... save me T_T My heart actually raced I can't believe myself. What what what I'm doomed :'( I suddenly feel like there's hope again..... After all that crap
I really hope things will change for the better. I know March is gonna be a tough month for me. I'm just hoping a miracle will happen in April or May. Please
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