Feeling so unappreciated

So many thoughts everywhere again.

I was so determined to wake up today. But my bloody body clock last warning. Slept damn late again yesterday like almost 4.... So when I woke up and saw that it was 10, I panicked. Lol, my class was at 10.30.. How in the world was I supposed to fly there in time... Coincidentally my mom was home. So I texted Miss Melissa to tell her I'd only reach at 11.

When I reached, they weren't doing class. Miss Mel spent that class talking to us. I love these kinda talks. Makes me feel closer to Miss Mel. Lol and if I had more guts I probably would have ALOT to say.... but I just can't. really saliva comes all the way to the tip of my mouth everytime I talk to her. DONT EVEN KNOW WHY!!!!! I only managed to tell her the reason why I don't engage in class or ask questions. And despite that I really am actuay functioning in class and I know what's going on. So she said that she was aware and that's what journals are for. Lol yes if I could communicate through writing journal entries to all the lecturers I really think I'll score very well. I mean that was how I communicated with Leia in year 1. That's why she didn't give up on me. Now it's just..... Argh fml I don't want to say what I want to say, my body language tells otherwise, always giving wrong body language blah blah.... My life sucks 

Went to watch the performance kid's puppetry show. LOL it was really for young audiences and..... THEY USED ONE OF MAPLESTORY'S BGM LOL THINK IDK AH HAHA. I swear for some reason while I was watching them perform, a part of me knew it was Rif who chose that maple story music. IT WAS JUST A GUT FEELING LIKE "oh my god thats maple story music! <- i told this to Andrea. and in my head: this Rif super anyhow...." Then Becky just told me Rif was the sound producer of this production. HOLY SHIT HOW ON EARTH. HOW ON EARTH DID I KNOW IT WAS HIM OMG HAHAHAHA laugh die me... Omg stupid sia reminded me of how I chose the "Repentance" maple story music as my dramaturgy music because it was so linked to our theme "Regret". When I told Laban and Edem they laughed. SIGH I STILL LOVED THAT MUSIC I SWEAR I WOULD'VE STUCK TO THAT MUSIC OK. If it weren't for the Film students... -_- The film students were like ".... Is that game music?" LOL immediately exposed. Didn't know I would get caught so quickly.

So cute~ Definitely did a good job in entertaining me haha.

It's been raining a lot this week and really makes me feel like it's December again. Plus I'm having holidays right now. Wow really.. Same same but different.. (Only I'll understand what I'm saying haha) I don't know why I relate rainy days to December. It's the feeling that it gives me. I love it so much. Very melancholic very gloomy but I like. Makes me feel peaceful and zen.

So... mummy haven't told me the dates that we're flying off yet. Sigh I really miss spending time with the family. I want to throw everything behind for at least a week or so... Not like I did that the last time I flew off. Lol well I was supposed to... Apparently I couldn't bare to. Despite the time difference I was still texting my baes every freaking day... I could've chosen to just not use wifi but.... I just couldn't. So now I wonder.. If I actually chose to not reply to any of those texts... How will this situation differ from now. Would you have missed me even more... Or would I have just been ignored even more? Aye da heck do I even need to ask I think I'll just be ignored L O L

One more week.... Till I can really tell myself I'm not waiting anymore. Argh something keeps holding me back. Like I keep giving myself more time. :( Sigh lol