There's nothing left

I guess that article that I read yesterday real hit me hard. Gosh it even affected my dreams. It was an article titled "An open letter to the girl I never called back". So yeah... Was reading it and then it came to mind that if you were to ever write a letter to me, that would probably be it. It was so sad and depressing and like I knew it deep down but I just didn't want to admit it.

"I see things clearly now. I’m no longer chasing you anymore, you like me and I know it. I’m no longer nervous and my confidence has a backbone. Over time, I finally get to know the real you, you see the real me.

Eventually your attention becomes exponentially superfluous, and I begin to feel overwhelmed. I secretly wonder, “How did I end up in this situation, it’s like I’ve got a girlfriend or something…” God forbid I ever use the “G” word around you, as it would lead you further down the pseudo-exclusive rabbit-hole I inadvertently dug myself into.

If I didn’t make it official early on, the rest of this story will take a few tangential paths, but ultimately ending in you being hurt. Some exit strategies involve just fading away, which I find better suited to avoid emotionally-driven reactions.

Other guys opt for the tactic akin to ripping off a bandaid, quick and to the point. Some may use the same strategy, but at least provide her with some reasoning behind it (which usually ends with one last round in the sack or a slap to the face, or both).

And there you have it, no more calls, no more texts.

But why the hell would we do such a thing? We worked so hard impress you, charm you — but for what? And how could we just forget all the time we spent together? Well, it could be one of many reasons.

Maybe you were vapid, maybe you were too demanding, maybe you tried to change us — who knows? Or maybe the overly confident, funny and rich ones full of depravity have too many options and you’re competing with a harem of other ladies.

Long story short, when men are done, we’re done. We’re a lot more capable of being dissociative than women are during the end days of a relationship and it frustrates the hell out of you gals.” 

Then of course I've been having insomnia lately so time just flew and I slept at nearly 5 in the morning. I woke up at maybe 9 ish and went back to sleep again. Don't really know what woke me up. I only started dreaming when I went back to sleep again.

My dream was the exact opposite of what I've read in the article. So yeah instead of writing a letter, I received an essay long text from him. IT FELT SO REAL OKAY. They say you can't read in dreams. I swear I was reading like 1/4 of the message before my dream stopped. I kept trying to go back to the dream BECAUSE I BADLY WANT TO READ THE LONG ASS MESSAGE BUT IT JUST WOULDN'T LET ME.

Wanna know why I didn't have enough time to read finish the text? Because half the time I was just checking if it was a dream or if it was real. And scrolling through the message to and fro because I couldn't believe how long that message was. It was really almost equivalent to one of my long blog posts okay. It was so impossible. & Even after numerous time of checking if I was dreaming or if it was real, I still got it wrong. I woke up and I was like F M L STUPID DREAM EVEN IF IT WAS NOT REAL, YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST LET ME READ FINISH THE DAMN MESSAGE RIGHT. :( So sad...

But from the looks of it, like when i glanced through it and managed to read like 1/4 of the message, it was nothing bad. In my head it was like "Woah so he finally decided to wake up. Or decided to do something about this whole messed up situation that I didn't even asked to be in. Finally decided to stop complicating things."

Well... I guess it's just a dream... Lol I know. I've said that my dreams were like a rough gauge to my near future. But this time round I really don't know anymore. Nah. I suddenly have nothing more to say. Like I think I've already said what I wanted to say. I guess I'll just leave it like this lor. If nothing changes.... Then nothing lor.

Forever reading articles that stabs me a million times in the heart. LIKE HOW DO THEY WRITE SO WELL? HOW THEY FIND THE PERFECT WORD TO DESCRIBE HOW THEY FEEL? It's crazy..

The Labyrinth of nothingness. 

It's the heart of the 'I don't knows,' the 'I thinks' and the 'I just don't cares.' It's when we're no longer happy and when we spend a lot of time gloating in the misery in which we willingly glue ourselves. We remain stagnant, refusing to do anything that will make the situation better.

Lately, I've been thinking about the standstill. I've been contemplating why we never do something, or really, anything to get ourselves moving again once we become stagnant. Time isn't waiting, yet we are, and for nothing.  

It's the unknown that scares us and suggests we gloat in our misery. We think it's about not running away, but rather, about staying put and getting through the problem. Yet there's a serious difference between getting through things and gliding over them. The labyrinth isn't a phase that disappears; it's a standstill that begs for someone to make a change, but still we don't. 

We want something we once had so badly that we believe if we stay, we can recreate it. Something convinces your brainwashed mind that it has something onto which is can hold, when really there is nothing left.