Moments

I need a Liam Booker (a character played by the hottest Gregg Sulkin in Faking It) in my life. Really.

I am crazy. I post so much raw feelings on my tumblr at wee hours like this I forgot there are actually people that I know in real life that follows my tumblr. Shitz. & I get a lil awkward when people mention they read my tumblr. LOL it's like this thing where you want them to read because it's so real and all... and at the same time it's weird to find out that they read it. I get soooo awkward when people tell me they read this blog. I can't imagine people telling me they read my tumblr. It's just double awkwardness. 

"When you've been sad for so long that when something bad happens, you don't cry. You just sit there and feel numb." 

I don't really know what is my future. I can't stand this blankness in front of me. I don't know anything and I hate that I am not doing anything about it!!!! Goodness. I mean ok at least I'm going on a holiday next week. & I'll have rehearsals when I return. Then Yfest. THEN AFTER YFEST?????? One empty month again. Lonely and sad. 

I actually think I feel like I choose to be sad. I feel like if I'm sad that means I'm still feeling something. Because being happy is just a facade I put on with my other friends whose problems are like sadder than mine. So i feel like I shouldn't be sad because whats my problem compared to them? LOL FEELING SO STUPID when I type it out BUT HAIYA you geddit right.. 

I was just about to type "I don't exactly have a song to describe my current feelings" and then Moments by One Direction played on my shuffled playlist. Wow yeah it matches what I'm feeling right now. Eh I really need to get on with life and leave the past in the past. Can I stop it. Seriously I'm really getting so irritated with myself. Everyday cannot sleep. Everyday thinking about the same thing. It's like I've accepted that it has reached this state and at the same time... I still believe miracles will happen. Lol can I not!!?!?!?!? -_- 

Someone just miraculously appear in my life right now please. Anyone. Just anyone. A new friend. Some sort of a distraction. Come on... 

OR GIVE ME ALCOHOL. A lot of alcohol. So I can just say whatever I want. & blame it on the alcohol when I know it very well that I know what I'm saying exactly. SIGH FUCK how is it that it's 4am right now and I'm still so damn awakeeeee!!??!?! Damn this shit