:'( I'm feeling so unmotivated in sooooo many ways. Right now I'm sick and WHY MUST I BE SICK LIKE NOW?? This is such a joke. I should be resting but nope. Liqian got me hyped about swaggout4.... I NEED TO GET SOMEWHERE IN MY LIFE AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'm really hoping one of the guest choreographers coming will be someone I actually know and.... I WILL JUST TAKE THE CHALLENGE AND GO FOR THEIR CLASSES. Or maybe even audition to be in their piece. I'm sick. & tired. Of being NOTHING. This year's recital made me feel like shit. People in school made me feel like shit. People creating groups by themselves and leaving me out cuz I'm shit makes me feel like shit.

 & You know what it's true. I see myself succeeding if I am daring enough to step out alone. Why should I wait for people or have people to do it with me. NO NEED. I shall be a daring mother fucker and die with all the hella good dancers going for their classes. I can already foresee all the instructors going for classes and getting steps and performance quality hella fast and I be there stressing like one bitch. BUT WHO CARES YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.

I have faith in myself..... I honestly don't know where to find the time though. Sigh I want to freaking go to oschool for classes. But that place seriously is intimidating as hell. Been there since I was 15 and now I'm 19 but still it's intimidating. I feel like people go there to dance to IMPRESS not express. BUT I NEEDA UP MY GOD DAMN GAME I CAN'T BE STUCK IN THE SAME PLACE FOR SO LONG. Omg I need to do something about this. I need to find opportunities I need I need I need!!!!!! Gah I've done it once and I can do it again. Why didn't I do this during the holidays... WHAI

I'm so pumped up and shit uh but none of this involves school. This is why I'm so unmotivated for school. To me now school is like a big fat burden that I need to carry for another 7 months. I don't know why I'm there. I don't like the classes I'm taking this year. I can't stand how low my perseverance is. I'm sick but I'm sure I'm not sick to the extend of not attending classes but I choose not to go. I've mentioned this to my dad because he asked me about it. His reply was such a.... typical reply. "Just survive and get the diploma cert. You don't have to use the dance cert in the future." I'M LIKE THAT'S NOT THE POINT YAW. If I wanted to do that I could've just taken some shitty course and survive why must I kill myself physically mentally and emotionally. Joke

But ya gosh whatevers. This is ridiculous. Why am i like this lol