God I swear all of these nonsense is getting to me so badly. LIKE DUH IT'S A SURPRISE IF IT DOESNT RIGHT. Since when doesn't Shanette get demoralised?

I had some post exam sadness just now while watching Onegin's rehearsal run. Cuz everyone was talking about yesterday's exam. I wasn't part of the conversation but I was just listening. Of course I understand all of them are sad and disappointed too but.... I swear I'm like seriously obviously one of the worst of the worst dancers in Dip 3 and everytime they feel sad about themselves I really wanna slap myself for even existing in LASALLE. Like wth

Then...... Of course I expected it. We had Ryan's class just before full run today. Full of SHIT. I totally knew he was gonna yell at us. Totally knew he was gonna demoralise us. I'm sooooo fucking tired of listening to his crap. It's not like "fuck I don't want to listen to you because i'm so good". It's the fuck I'm so tired of listening that I'm bad like no matter how we solve the problem WE CAN NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY. Like fuck man. I am so sad..... that almost all the teachers in lasalle hates our class. The kind of name we have in the industry.... It's so bad I can't even. & I SUPER HATE THAT I'M ONE OF THE LOUSIEST. I feel the lousiest when teachers scold us and sometimes specifically I feel like it's me. I really have anxiety issues okay you cannot just put all the attention to me I CAN'T DO IT OK JUST LET ME BE A NINJA JUST LET ME BE!!!!!!

Full run sucked balls. I hated it so much. I hate how we're in SO MANY ITEMS. Like why. I hate how all of these is so last minute. I hate how I'm not fucking enjoying the process at all. Run after run we're just getting scolded like free. Getting demoralised and shit like that. I really don't feel prepared at all. NOT EVEN FOR HIP HOP. Ok everything's just getting to me now and I seriously just.... Want to get it over and done with.

How is it that our lasalle anniversary piece looks so much better than so many of our other pieces? Plus we only had like 2 bloody rehearsals. IS THIS A JOKE.

Omg I swear I'm feeling so many things right now where is my stupid koala bear i need a hug from you :'( He's in malaysia :'( Boo to the hoo