Stay with me..

Rewatching gossip girl yet again.. I'll never get sick of it. Currently feeling like our relationship is like Dan and Serena's in the earlier seasons... So similar in so many ways. 

I had the worst crying session just now in the longest time ever. Honestly thought I was gonna choke on myself cuz of my stupid throat and my nose and blocked. Hallelujah I'm gonna wake up with swollen eyes... I want this week to hurry be over.. I don't want to be remembered of it. 

I hope it never has to come to that day. I don't like to be walked away from.. I don't like to not be fought for.. I don't like to be left alone like a damsel in distress.. I hope no matter how tough it is please don't let me go.. I just want to love you. I just want you to be happy.. I also want you to be a better person.. Maybe I shouldn't have done it.. But I don't want people to condemn us.. Everyone is just waiting for that one mistake and they'll just tell me "I told you so.." I wish to not care about what they say.. That'll only work if whatever they say aren't true.. I have faith in you. If you don't care about others at least for my sake don't disappoint my faith in you..? I know I suck sometimes... Can't communicate properly. Always end up talking like I'm offending people.. I hope one day you'll understand where I was coming from..  

In a relationship both are equal. Regardless of whether you're a male or a female, whether you come from a good background or bad. All it takes is communication and understanding to make it work. I always try to understand from his point of view. However if I feel like it's wrong on a social level, I think it's just right to voice it out... I just hope one day he knows I'm not saying to shoot him down, nor saying it to despise him.. I really don't mean it that way. 

Of course there are many good things to remember... 

I'll never forget how he waited 3hours with me just to finish up a 15minute mock interview... 

I'll never forget how I cramped so badly and suddenly he had an idea of putting warm towels on my tummy to ease the pain.. 

I'll never forget how he was so busy during the weekends and yet he was willing to squeeze even 2hours just to meet me at night.. 

I'll never forget how I had a horrible day because I did so badly for exams but he just randomly call to chat. It totally made my day... To me it felt like "Oh she's moody heh I'll try to cheer her up" then.  Becuz back then there were no such sentences like "Why are you so moody. Did I call at the right time or the wrong time? Maybe I shouldn't have called you.." over the phone... 

I'll never forget our first staycation at such an expensive hotel. I was definitely shocked as hell but definitely one of the best times of my life. 

I'll never forget how he was wrecking his brains to find a dinner place to go during christmas eve because everywhere was fully booked.. 

I'll never forget how you still wanted to spend even just a few hours before my flight to Thailand.. 

I'll never forget during CNY eve, you sent me back home from school just to see me for that short 10-15minutes in the cab... 

I'll never forget the first time you cooked for me. Even though it was just maggie mee but it was nice to know your loved one is cooking for you.. 

So precious.. Really so precious.. But I don't wish to relive old memories.. I wish to create new memories... 

How do you know when it's over?

When you feel like you're more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.

I don't want it to be over.. I don't want you to leave will you hold my hand.. Oh darling stay with me cuz you're all I need.. 

I'm so tired right now it's insane.. Yet I'm not sleeping.. My head's spinning.. I miss you...