Left 2 more days till baby can contact me.. and 4 more days till he's back.. I want cry:( This emptiness is killing me. I don't want another weekend like this. I don't want :'( 

Work was pretty okay this week despite the new staffs. Maybe because I was sitting at my original seat. Bloody Nancy wants to ostracise me to another corner without my colleagues. Fuck you la everything also my fault. & because Divya chose a fucking wrong timing to go to the toilet she blamed me for not keeping the documents. Like what the fuck I was doing something else right?!!!! But wth thankful that Leonard gave a hand hmm wasn't expecting that but thankful. 

Why do I always feel pressurized by others? Literally regardless of who. If you and I have emotional connections before I can never ignore you. Emotional connections as in if you're a friend and we've actually communicated on a certain close level before I can never ignore you. I've been so like.... argh I don't even know what to say about myself. I don't even know if it's because I don't know how to respect my own thoughts or I just simply to give a say to what I have to think. Yes I never type wrong I don't give myself a say in anything. It's always others opinions first.. I feel so lost without baby. Sometimes he doesn't help in solving my problems but ever since he was gone I realized one thing. Really just him being there for me is all that I needed. Now I'm just like what the fuck man.. I'm

having really bad withdrawal symptoms from my boyfriend. :'( I know he's suffering like crazy out there. Can it end already... Can he don't even go Australia... How the fuck am I gonna do this seriously sobs that's like probably another 3 weekends without him... 

To be fucking honest I thought I could just you know go out hang out and enjoy with my friends. I COULDNT DO IT. I really fucking couldn't. I feel so horrible without him by my side. This feels so different from Germany. Maybe because back then we weren't officially attached and I was still somehow adjusting my single life to having someone beside me. But now it's just.... I'M FUCKING CLINGY AS FUCK AND WHY DID I THINK I COULD DO THIS AH why did I think I could easily get through this 9 days without contacting him. This is ridiculous. I want to cry....