How did I used to post a lot in the past? I wish I had the same dedication as I had years back so that I have more to read on when I look back.. But doesn't seem to be happening..

Life's been pretty stale recently. Like a good stale and I really appreciate that things have been going the way that it is right now. What scares me is that I'm currently very attached to how things are now that if it suddenly changes again, I might take awhile to cope with the change.. Sigh some things about me seriously never change. I can't believe we're already almost in the last quarter of the year AGAIN? Where the hell did the time flew to? I kinda wished I didn't waste all that money drowning on my sorrows and stress.

I get sick of the night life too easily. I mean it's fun and all but this year feels like 2014 on repeat. Back in 2014, we rushed too quickly into things but my mindset at that point of time was that I finally found someone I felt home to. Every time when I was with him, it just felt right even though most of the time we were pretty much doing nothing. Doing nothing felt much better than going out and mixing around with a bunch of people that you don't even know, pretending like I have a lot of life when I really don't.

Now in 2017, we've been trying to get back into track and working things out and I'm really so thankful that things are really falling into place. That's how I feel now and I really don't know what would happen if things go south (again).. I mean that would prove we're really not meant to be but deep down I just know that's not really the kind of ending I want. Yes there might be a few downs but I'm glad the positives are enough to cover the negatives. I won't deny there are some days I would just suddenly think of the extreme side of what used to happen and I get scared..

Thank you, you. For still trying to bring back the faith in us in spite of everything. Although it feels like this whole thing was caused by him alone, I won't deny I have a part to play in the previous years. Having to hold so much expectations on him and moulding him into the perfect ideal in my mind, not putting into thought that to him it might have not been an issue. It's true love takes place naturally. Its he who has to see the need to change for the better. No one can change anyone.. It feels so free to love each other now. No lies. No hiding. Just truth and honesty.. I really remember for the longest time how I was just simply afraid to ask about certain things because it was for a fact that he was gonna flare no matter what. I can't believe things have changed and right now it just feels so free and easy. Well of course it's the good kind of free and easy.

I'm thankful for this breakthrough. I'm thankful things worked out. I hope I'm not jinxing it by penning this down but rather, something I can look back to when I read through this again in the near future.