I don't know why but honestly 2018 just keeps getting worse as the days go by.. I am really not sure of how to deal with life and how I'm supposed to continue from wherever I am right now. It's so easy to be blank now because I'm currently having my holidays. What will happen when school starts..? Can things just please get better? I don't really know what I can do to make anything better. I wish that things would just go smoothly but I don't know how. Have I really done everything that I could?
So many things have happened.. So many T_T I am so far so far from where I thought I would be with you especially.. So fucking far. So far until I really cannot see where the light is and I'm so fucking scared. Because I am alone in this. I still feel alone no matter what. Because even though we keep talking about it, we still have different mindsets. You "enjoy" the single life. But I am not even living the single life. I am still tied by you. You "enjoy" not caring about anything but I still care about every single thing. You "enjoy" being alone but I crave intimacy.. I miss him at any random time of the day yet he only misses me when he's "free". When he's going to bed when he has nothing to think about and he thinks about me. Kinda sounds like every guy who treats me like a sex object. Only think of me when they're horny.
:'( God? Please show me a path.. I've been stuck for so long.. We me and him ever be on the same page..? Will he really ever come back? He refuses to tell me how long he'll take but will he really work things out with me..? Will this wait or pause be worth it..? To be honest, even if I do leave him for good, I just feel so sure he will be fine? Lol. He is already getting used to everything. We are not even meeting anymore? He is already used to it. He has so many others to message with, his phone is never quiet ever. What the fuck am I really l o l
Can you just come back and love me already..?
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