The past few weeks has been nothing but bliss for me.. Every night I go to sleep full of love.. I'm very scared this feeling will fade away again.. Building a good foundation and a good relationship with someone takes so much so much effort.. 

Everytime I have my own alone time I get drowned in a lot of thoughts that are just.... unnecessary.. I feel very scared to have to face this alone.. Yet I still need to push through :'( I don't know how to voice out how I feel to not seem like I'm overly attached, overly clingy like a koala... I don't want him to repel.. 

It feels like we're back to dating.. Its been giving me a lot of roller coaster emotions and again I'm scared to fall hard.. T_T Every single day I spend with you I feel like I'm falling deeper.. How can you feel something like that for someone that you've been with for almost 4 years? There are days I still feel like there are parts of you that I don't know and that's what scares me the most.. 

We both grew up way too differently but we're both broken people for sure and that's what's causing this relationship to be such a rocky road... We're both damaged in different ways.. 

Everyone leaves me at the end of the day... How am i so sure he's not gonna leave me on the lurch again T_T I don't know how to conquer this.. I did it before to my friends. I remember all my friends leaving me at some point of time and one day I just decided to block myself out of being too close with anyone... But yh...? It's not that I don't want to live in the present moment. It's because I'm living too much in the present moment that I'm so scared of what's to come after... What if I'm so happy now and the next day things can turn into shit in a second...? That feeling is the worst T_T I feel fucking lost when that happens and I'm really just so scared to feel that way.. 

I honestly didn't think at all we would be here today, meeting almost every day if not all weekends again.. I know I've talked things out with him already. That's what's been keeping me at bay, trying my best not to overthink, trying my best not to be negative all that sort of shit... But there are just simply days when these thoughts are so overwhelming and I really just wish I can voice these out to you but I don't know what's to come after.. T_T 

Everyone has flaws and I know what's mine and I believe that I'm scared to voice out is because I feel like he doesn't know how to deal with this flaw T_T How is everyone telling me to be strong when all I want to feel is being protected..? I don't want to be harmed by the one person I love the most.. 

I'm getting too close again right..? :'( Sigh.. But I just don't know why I really don't get sick of spending time with him T_T