This situation really triggered me but I really can't believe he doesnt know the seriousness of this to me. Like so many things can be a joke but weight and looks is definitely not a joke to me. I've told him a million times already? Since young I've been called fat and ugly for the longest fucking time and it always make me feel like crying. How many times I've been on a diet or shit like that just because I hate being fat? Recently I let loose alittle. Yes may be because I feel happier with him and I do feel a little hungrier at times. Yes I do agree I've put on weight but I will lose it soon. Because I know my weight has always been fucking stagnant since I was 14 years old. I've always been around 64kg since then. It will always fluctuate by 5kg or i'll gain maximum 4kg. Never been heavier than this. When people say I gain weight or I look fatter, I do agree because it must be because of that few kgs that I gained.

When his brother came back this week, he questioned me "Why you never go think of slimming down?" I didnt wanna answer. I just said my weight has always been like that. He asked again "Currently are you around 60kg?" I'm like yeah and he totally exclaimed and said "WTF THATS SO HEAVY" You have no idea how offended I felt. In the past, Yaohui wouldve scolded his family member if anyone of them mentioned my weight, mentioned that i was fat. Nowadays he don't even give a shit and that added on to my sadness. So yaohui's brother just continued yapping about my weight. Talk talk talk keep asking me to slim down to 50KG but I literally dont even wanna hear a single word from his mouth anymore. Like I was on the brink of crying alr and it sucked so much that my boyfriend didnt even realise that because his phone was way more important. I fucking hate it when people call me fat. Like what the fuck is your problem do I need you to tell me I'm fat? Do I not have eyes to see myself? But alright many days passed and I kinda forgot about it until today when this topic was brought up again. This time we were talking about his brother's ex girlfriend. My boyfriend said that she used to be slim until she became steady with the brother. She gained alot of weight during the relationship. He could've ended the story there. But no. He had to make me an extra example. "Like you. Last time you like slim one" <- When he said this I literally went like wtf? Since when was I even slim? My weight was ALWAYS the same just plus minus 3-5kg. I didnt even wanna hear what he was gonna say at the back because he must have wanted to say that I gained fucking alot of weight now? I felt so fucking sad. Like wth WHO FED ME TILL LIKE THIS? LIKE WHO MADE ME EAT SO MUCH?! I felt so fucking shit he totally have no idea even up till THIS MINUTE he doesn't even fucking know how much this is affecting me. To him it seems like I can't take a JOKE but this is NOT a joke to me.

But this woke me up. This just shows me that I shouldnt stay in my comfort zone and I should try my best to look as good as I possibly can for myself and not for anyone else. I don't deny there are many times I do try to look better just for him but end result he only calls me fat. Lol. Wtf. I'm sorry but fat jokes are not funny to me. It doesnt show me any sort of affection and I'm sorry your girlfriend is FAT. But im sorry theres no way i will eat like usual already there's no way i am gonna eat supper at all.