😟😔
A lot of thoughts in my head..

It scares me to think. It’s sad that I feel like I am in this alone.. I can’t forget. I’m sad. Will I one day forget how it’s like to care? Looking back, I remember what a naive kind emotional girl I used to be. I was so vulnerable but so pure and so easy to give. Right now, I just feel like I’ve pulled back so much. There’s so much I can give. But it just seems like I’m always being misunderstood. It’s sad. I’m sad right now. The old me would’ve came running to you, telling you how sad and how I can’t sleep at 2.43pm. But now..... All the times I deal with myself, you do not know. All the times that I feel like I’m battling this alone, you do not know.

Who am I anyway? Just a girl whom you think is controlling you.

A guy will change for a girl that is worth it. A guy will change for the better for the sake of himself, for the sake of his future with his girl. I guess I’m just not worth that much. This is how you make me feel.

I’m tired of thinking about this. I hurt everytime I hear his aggressive voice ringing in my head. I hurt everytime those sentences you say due to anger appear in my mind. You don’t understand and you won’t understand.

Some days I just wonder what makes you stay with me. Issit because I don’t love myself enough? You have the power over me? You can scare me? I don’t understand. I’m traumatized in all honesty. It’s really back to 2016 all over again. At least it feels like that.

What’s so hard to be a bigger person? I want someone to treat me like a gem not a dog. I want someone to love me so much he can’t even bare to see me get hurt. Why am i even writing this? I’m crying right now. It hurts to think. I know it will repeat sooner or later. And it sucks. To have to constantly prepare myself for it to happen.

To you, I’m the cause of whatever you’re angry about.
Everybody got eyes to see what kind of a person I am to you.

But time and time again, god has proven to me to never put anyone first. Just yourself. Because the world is selfish. Please Shanette remind yourself that.