It's so sad how lonely I am. I looked through my WhatsApp just now and I realised the entire day, the only person I talked to was my boyfriend and his sister (random) and my work chat. It's so emphasised now that my daily friend has decided to kick me out of her life. It is so emphasised how dependent I was on her to keep me sane. As much as I am sooooo upset about it, I don't want to show it. It's been almost a month since we last talk and it's been a hell 1 month.

I can't believe how shitty things have turned out for the second half of the year. I feel so suffocated by my own emotions. I feel like I have literally NOBODY to turn to at all. All the rage all the sadness all the dependency.... I have fucking nobody to go to. If i go to my boyfriend, to him I'm just a weak shit that's so clingy. It makes me fucking sad that I have so much I wish I could send him but I always press backspace all day everyday. I pretend like everything is fucking okay but I'm breaking down like a fucking wrecking ball. I don't know how to even start voicing out my feelings because I just am a fucking wrecking ball right now. It doesn't help at all when I start ranting to him because all he thinks is that I'm this noisy as hell bitch that just doesn't know how to keep calm. He would in turn use this vulnerable side that I decide to show him on me when things between us turn shit. 

T_T_T_T_T_T

I need someone to hold right now. 

I need someone to cry to right now.

I need someone I can talk to right now.

I'm crying for help right now.

The silence is too deafening. 

Nobody understands.