SIGH

I. Am. Fucking. Drained.

Yesterday and today, i was the only staff who was on duty, accompanied by the boss. I did the cashier work, the cleaning, the making of drinks, the closing. EVERYTHING ME. Well, the food's done by the boss though. I don't know nuts about the food stuff. Fml literally. Xuejun wasnt sick at all. She just gave a stupid bloody excuse that she was just to skip work. She went partying like a mad bitch that night. Wtf? How is she sick in any way?

Yesterday was the worse day of my week. I don't know why. Everything was so dull and i was just feeling mad depressed. Couldnt stand it. Actual plan was to go swimming alone but my dad asked Winnie to accompany me. So she did. I was supposed to swim away my sadness. Not only it didnt work, i saw a Josef doppelganger while swimming. Ok i'm so lame but seriously. Let me start my grandmother story on what happened.

I was casually swimming and swimming and swimming until suddenly i saw this skinny long bodied guy who kept swimming passed me like a freaking fish. I totally mumbled "WHAT THE FISH" underwater. I swim 1 lap = he swim 2 laps (or more i didnt really count). To me he looked damn familiar. So i decided to stop swimming and wait for him to swim back like a fish again to see his face. While waiting, i was telling Winnie about the fish. Oh my god i talked too much. I didnt know he was already beside me(but obviously i didnt say anything that made him think we were talking about him so..... plus we were at least 2 lanes apart from him.) LMFAO he kept looking at my direction so i was like "DANG I SWEAR HE LOOKS DAMN FAMILIAR. DOES HE KNOW ME OR DID I FORGET WHO HE LOOKED LIKE?!?!!" When i was about to get a closer look, he swam off already. So i swam too, CASUALLY. When i reached the other end, i saw him swimming back at my direction. LIKE A FISH. I couldn't stand it. I wasnt competing with him. Why was he making me so stressed!!!! After awhile i just continued swimming until the complex was closing. There was one awkward lap where he was swimming backstroke(still damn fast) while i'm still swimming casually. I think he knew i was coming and he totally slowed down and stopped at the end of the lap. I'm like SHIT AWKWARD WHAT TO DO because that end had no one else except him, and me. . . There were awkward moments when only two of us were alone. I'm just stunned honestly. He gave me such a bloody weird feeling. The kind of feeling that i really can't describe la. You gotta be there to feel it. "DO I KNOW HIM?" "WHY IS HE SO FAMILIAR?" "WHY HE KEEP GIVING ME STARES LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY HELLO?" "WHY HE KEEP LOOKING AT MY DIRECTION????" Seriously who would keep swimming and then look at your direction first then touch the end of the pool? There was this one lap where he totally came into the end of the lane i was resting at. We were 5cm away from each other. FIVE C M! Oh my god totally shocked me. Whatever it was, he either submerge from the water on the left side of right side of me. I just kept getting awkward tingling feelings. Yes he really looked like Josef. I'm just speechless at the resemblance, tsktsk.

Today was better than yesterday by a bit i can say. Boss was very lame during work which kinda kept making me laugh. He said i looked very tired. He literally pronounced it was TEEEE-RED(Ti-Red). I just didnt understand and he gave me a wtf stare. So he spelt it out for me AND I STILL COULDNT GET IT. Until 5 seconds later i went WTH OH TIRED AH. LOL!!!! I'm seriously a slow reactor. Went home with boss cuz he was going to NUS and it was on the way. Seriously it wasnt as awkward as being with Christopher the bipolar guy. I am now praying my heart out that i will never take another train/bus ride with Christopher alone. Worse awkwardness ever.

I gotta be up by 6.30am tomorrow :( Gonna work early in the morning with Xuejun because the boss wouldnt be around in the morning so i'm like taking over him.... SIGH. Back to being tortured and insulted by xuejun. & also hearing her stupid stories about her clubbing and partying and drinking and whatever thai girl nonsense. Oh my god i need help.

I wanna be free and happy. 

I wanna get out of Singapore and enjoy my holidays instead of being depressed every night. 

I like the feeling of being uncontactable. It makes me escape reality for awhile.

I need someone to be there for me when i'm feeling sad, happy, tired, depressed, whatever fucking emotions. 

I don't like friends who lol me at every sentence that i say. 

I don't like friends who reply my message 5hours after i text them and feels that i'm alright with it. 

I don't like friends who change after mixing with different groups of people. 

I don't like friends who makes me an option.

I don't like you fucking assholes. 

Sometimes being alone is better than being with the wrong people.

I saw this on Facebook. 

This is one of my most important life principle: Never chase love, affection or attention. If it isnt given freely by another person, it isn't worth having. 

Smile baby smile

I wanna stay happy forever.

My Sunday was unexpectedly happy. You know how much i hate Sundays. How much i hate WEEKENDS, in fact. But this week's(er apparently it's last week already) weekends was just full of happiness and bond and love. I guess i haven't been having such feelings for a really long time. 

Woke up in the afternoon, had lunch and then went trekking with daddy. Tough....... Dad decided to go the tougher way because Spencer didnt went yesterday. 2 steps of the stairs were the length of my legs, no fucking joke. I think i climbed more than 30 stories (est.). No joke. The height of the steps is just insane. Painful but i still finished it. Thank the lord i came out of the "jungle" safe and sound HAHAHA.

Came back and it was around evening already. Had rojak for dinner and some brandless taohuey which tasted damn good. Totally having sex (Y) Had some drinks (YEAH WINE) with parents at night and also had heart to heart talks. Felt so good and happy and just HAPPY! No i never got drunk. I think i'm a good drinker, honestly. LOL.

Oh yeah i've become a love doctor on Sunday. 3 people just came talking to me about their love issues and i'm like "wow i'm so good at giving advices" Seriously~ I'm praising myself because all 3 of them praised me. HAHAHA. I saw this quote photo the other day on Facebook but i forgotten to save it. It said "We all have this one friend that is incredibly good at giving love advices but is still single." LOL when i saw that quote, i thought of myself. 

So i woke up at freaking 7.15am this morning. YEAH you didn't see wrong, SEVEN, FIFTEEN, AM. Oh my god. I woke up because i had a extremely weird dream. I dreamt that i had a hardcore nightlife. I clubbed, i drink like some fucked up bitch and yeah, basically my life is screwed upside down. I really hated it, hence i kinda forced myself to wake up. I didn't expect it to only be 7.15am!!!! I thought it was almost 9 already. So after preparing for work, it was still early. EARLY DAY TODAY!!! I reached work about 15minutes earlier than usual. Owell~

Christopher showed a bloody black face the whole morning/afternoon. It was only after lunch(3pm) that he became normal again. When he was out for lunch, Kelvyn Xuejun and I were just crapping. Remember i said how sometimes Kelvyn is not of any help? I was wrong. He was not joking with me. He actually thought me and Christopher were an item...... Because of Nathalie's incident, Kelvyn asked Xuejun why me and Chris didn't went out of the school together. Xuejun told Kelvyn that me and Chris werent even together in the first place. Kelvyn said "Huh they are not together already????" I'm like what the shit. I knew it only today when Xuejun told me infront of Kelvyn. Kelvyn replied me, "WHY! I really thought you guys were together" I just kept saying he was crazy. Xuejun then asked Kelvyn why he thought we were together. "Cannot meh! They don't look like they together meh?!" LOL WTF. Seriously what kind of response is that?! I keep trying to think of what me and Chris did during work that makes him think we were an item. I still can't figure it out. After that both of them just kept saying that they think Chris likes me. Sometimes i feel like saying "BOSS AH BOSS YOU VERY FUNNY. YOU BEHAVE LIKE A TEENAGER." LOL. (Erm he's obviously older than that but i dont think i should say his real age out. Hahaa.)  

During closing, Kelvyn and Xuejun left me and Christopher alone because they needed to talk about some serious issue. Can't stand it, it was mad hilarious. I don't even remember clearly what nonsense we did. Oh we played scissors paper stone. Whoever loses has to wash the dirty dishes and stuff. HE KEPT LOSING!!!!! I kept winning duh~ He was so confident that he'd win me, BLEH. Then he not happy. So he thought of his own stupid game. He took 3 ice cubes and both of us held hands. Whoever who can withstand the coldness the longest wins. I WON STILL. Oh my god i dont know how i could actually win that "game". The ice cubes were mad cold. Like seriously crazy cold. What stupid game suggestion was that. How smart of him to think of that game. Made me laugh till i almost cry because he still lost. I couldnt stand it when he threw ice into my shirt. WHAT THE FUCK NO ONE EVER DID THAT TO ME. The worst thing was i was wearing my swimming costume inside. Oh my god, so damn cold. Stupid guy he loves to play with ice. I couldn't throw it into his polo because he buttoned up the front so it's hard to throw it in. So i knew his trick already. I knew he'd take the chance to throw ice into my shirt so i became cautious. HENCE HE CHANGED HIS TRICK. He ended up holding ice on his hands, then squeeze both his freaking hands on my cheeks. Oh wtf. What is he trying to do. Cool my red face down?! LOL. Damn it. 

But i was happy he smiled and laughed. You have no idea how scary he is when he's quiet and emo. I just hate it when he doesn't talk or smile or laugh. Mad scary. You have no idea how many times i tried asking him why he's behaving that way in the morning. He just ignored me!!!! Irritated me so much. Hate it when people ignores me. 

After work, went swimming with Aglin. While waiting for her at the busstop, i chatted with Xuejun. Wow seriously when it comes to work, she's mad serious. The way i see how serious she is with life, i know she's bound to earn big bucks in the future. Guess i shall wish her good luck for that. 

 Took this before we got into the pool. 

After this after we got out of the pool. :D 

Had our usual chats and stuff. Reached home at about 10.30pm and yeah right now, i'm thinking if i should head down to the Kitchen to see what's there to eat. HAHAHA. Why am i always eating...... Well even though i've been eating, i've also been exercising. So win-win situation. Previously, i didnt exercise and i didnt eat too. Now i eat and i exercise. Same thing!!!! 

-lives in self delusion-

Happy Saturday

I'm just gonna say, I HAD A GREAT SATURDAY! 

I woke up at 9am, then realised it was damn early so i continued sleeping till noon. Went downstairs and realised both my parents were home. Initial plan was to head to Nex with mom to get some daily neccessities and then home straight. But since daddy the food monster was home, we went to Nex to have lunch first then shop for things. 

Went to Din Tai Fung for lunch!!! It was so mad delicious, felt so happy. I tried this steamed red bean dumplings with chocolate lava. INSANELY DELICIOUS. Oh my i really felt in love with it at first bite. 

Went to Cotton On after lunch because i told my mama there's sale. LOL. Grabbed some clothes and half price and was contented. :) Headed over to G2000 cuz there was also a sale there and daddy bought some of his clothes. Headed over to Watsons to get my stuff and then Gongcha! I wanted to try something new from there but i couldnt decide on what so i still bought Earl Grey... However, instead of the usual pearl toppings, i chosed pudding jelly. From what xuejun said, it tastes heavenly so i decided to give it a try. Oh yeah baby you bet it's delicious. 

At this open space inside Nex at 1st floor, there was this Triumph sale thing going on. Not exactly sale, cuz it's still as expensive. But if you buy 3 bras, you get 1 free. So..... i guess you can call it a sale. LOL wts. Doesn't make sense. Ok i didnt buy any, sadly. Wait, not very sad. I'm not a triumph fan. I own 3 triumph bras and i honestly don't really like them. Most of my bras are from Pierre Cardin and i love all of my Pierre Cardin bras. (Gotta buy more of them) I still saw this very cute looking bra which costed $90... I just gave a -fuckyou,pierrecardin'sbrasarecheaperandbetter- face. LOL! 

Went home after that and it was about 3plus4. Supposedly, daddy said we were going buffet dinner with grandma. Somehow plans changed. Maybe grandma wasnt free. (Oh no, maybe tomorrow?) Slacked and watched Britney Spears concert. Hahahaha, i had nothing to do.... Ok honestly i prefer watching Beyonce's concert. Cuz her performances had choreography in it, plus sexiness. Britney's was just pure sexiness, nothing much other than that, so it was kinda boring after awhile. 

Packed my cupboard around evening because my closet is just messier than any guys room, SERIOUSLY. Couldnt stand the sight of it any longer. Had bakuteh soup for dinner and went for a night walk with daddy. He was talking to me about drinking wine with him and mom. LOL. Ok i only drank beer and took a few sips of wine out of curiosity before. So he was telling me that i should drink with him sometime to test my alcohol tolerance level. 

Oooooohhhhh can't wait. 

I just had to post this photo quote up. I mean i really feel this way. *points below* 

Gotta have someone new in my life. Can't stand this anymore. School has to hurry start. So i can meet new people, and stop work. That's killing two birds with one stone.  

Days like this

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY KIM HYUN JOONG IS SO PERFECTLY PERFECT IN MY EYES. SIGH CAN MY FUTURE HUSBAND BE LIKE HIM PLEASE?!?!?!?!? HE'S SO DEVOTED TO HIS FANS. HE'S SO OUTGOING. HE'S SO FUN. MY GODLY GUY I'M GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN I DON'T CARE :(

How can he look so good with a kid (not his obviously?!)...... I bet his kids will look so heavenly good, just like him. Oh my~~~....

Ok what a way to start a blog post.... BUT YEAH SERIOUSLY..... I think i'll still continue spazzing about him even if i have a boyfriend/husband in the future. C'mon i can guarantee everyone in the world my husband will not be as perfect as kim hyun joong. EVERRRRR. Okay okay enough about him :P 

Work was just the usual routine. Xuejun's addicted to thai pub and can't stop saying how this girl she met at the pub looks like her ex and just keeps saying "REALLY LOOK LIKE LOR. REALLY SIA." It's been 2 days. Yes if i were to go work tomorrow, which i'm not, she'd probably start her lookalike story all over. LOL.

Watched Beyonce's performances for the past 2 days too, AND OH WELL, YOU GUESSED IT. I'm just amazed and fascinated by her, TOO. SIGH WHY ARE THEY ALL SO COOL?!?!?! I feel so unstraight right now even though i still am. I'm more obsessed(i don't think i've used the correct word but fuck it.) with girls than guys now. Instead of stalking SHINee or some boy bands(i stalk kim hyun joong everyday of my life so that doesn't count but that itself already prove i'm 101% straight HAHAHAHAHA), i'm jaw dropping over curvy sexy bitches like Beyonce Britney Katy Perry 2NE1 and Rihanna.... At first i thought i was extremely abnormal. Until i saw Andrea's tweet which seriously gave me a shock. Someone actually had the same feelings as me, except i don't gaze at typical girls i see in school that is. She tweeted: It's either I'm lesbian or I'm so insecure till I find every other girl hot in their own way. :( I just totally replied her without any freaking hesitation at all. THEN GUESS WHAT? I saw Johanna's facebook status just now while scrolling facebook's timeline that is somewhat related to this topic too: omg. yesterday, i saw this pretty girl in the train.i was really staring at her cuz she was damn pretty and she was staring back at me too. when she smiled, i melted. btw,i am straight! i was just amazed with her beauty!:)lol 

Omg. I swear everything's so coincidental sometimes really.

(You know what. I hate this. I actually had alot to write but now i'm stoning infront of the computer because i've totally forgotten what i wanted to write.) 

OH OH! The Damien-clinger, Nathalie came to look for Christopher today again. He wasn't working today but when she passed by the shop, Chris happened to be in the shop and so, she came in to "disturb". Wow guess what she did? SHE ASKED FOR CHRIS' NUMBER!!!!! Oh my.... I think she's a little too crazy. Kelvyn, Xuejun and I were just holding our laughters so badly. I really fail at holding laughters. I just burst out laughing. Couldn't take it. It's just too hilarious somehow. I bet Nathalie thought Chris gave the wrong number because all of us were like laughing "silently" so she said "I call you now ah." The best part is, Christopher saved her contact as "IGNORE" LOL!!!!!! Almost died when he showed us. Oh my god man. But that's seriously smart of him. (Even when typing i'm still laughing cuz i'm recalling what happened.)

Kelvyn was like "You three better go home together. Chris and Shanette better hold hands. In case Nathalie waits for Chris" WTF WTF...... Kelvyn is seriously not on my side sometimes. I already had enough of Xuejun and her stupid pairings. Then Kelvyn would join in at times. Tsk what a boss..... HAHAHA. We left the shop together but went separate ways. Chris probably stayed back in school cuz when me and Xuejun were at the bus stop, Kelvyn texted her, "Why Chris and Shan not together already?!" WHAT THE HELL. He has got some issues. 

Ok actually, i think i had lots of really depressing things to blog about but somehow, i'm not depressed currently, so! I don't have the depressed mood to talk about depressing things. :P Sigh must be because i just finished stalking my handsome boy. Hahahaha. Usually i'd stalk him during train rides or bus rides cuz that's the most boring part of my life. But i had nothing to do just now so i just.....~ STALK! 

Here's another Katy Perry picture to show you her sexiness. 

Ok i know a little of her boob fats is showing at the side and her shorts is kinda squeezing her thigh fats out but CMON IT'S STILL SEXY. You gotta seriously admit that's some nice thighs she got. Ok she's my kind of hot, apparently. I love curvy sexy ladies. I hate skinny bony weak-looking girls who's sexy to the almost the entire world. Fuck it, you don't have to size fucking 0 or 2 to be hot or sexy. That's not hot. That's just, i don't know. Dog's taste. Dogs love bones. 

So this photo shows Katy Perry wearing one of Jeremy's Scott's jackets. Wow don't you think it looks so familiar?!?!?!? YEAH MY SEXY CL WORE IT. 

TAAAAADAAAAAA~!

Oh coincidentally, she went on The Ellen Show on Monday or something. TOTALLY HILARIOUS. CHECK THIS LINK OUT: YOU GOTTA TOTALLY CLICK THIS. Oh if you don't get it, Ellen and Katy were playing the game Taboo! Oh my, laughed so much when i watched it. 

She said this on Monday at the show too. Someone GIF-ed it and i totally went like "FYEAH I GOTTA SAVE IT!!!!!" Fyi, she was talking about her Part Of Me movie that's gonna be out in July if i'm not wrong. Unfortunately, it'd only be out in August in Singapore :( 23rd August they predicted. That's like exactly a month after my birthday! HAHA. 

I'm just happy right now. I love my idols. Love them so much they bring me so much happiness. I hate reality. Reality sucks. I live in my own world. I've said it before and i don't care. 

2NE1's gonna come back with an album in June and i'm so excited for it!!!!! Their songs always get stuck in my head, without fail. & they already said they'd be starting their concerts in July. MAD EXCITED. I really pray they come Singapore again. I'D GO!!!!!!! I don't care if i already start school by the time their concert reaches Singapore, i just want them to comeeeeee! Yes I already have a partner to go with and it's Geraldine!!! This time i won't be alone. HYAK. Gonna shout my darlings' names so loud i hope they hear me :( -still living in self-delusional world- Leave me alone HAHA!! 

Ok i'm a happy girl tonight. I'm gonna go exercise now cuz i eat alot everyday now, no difference from a pig. :P My plans tomorrow, bring my laptop for repair and head for a swim at night. 

Adios amigos! 

 

Music

Wassup. Just another typical day at work. Kelvyn and Xuejun left at about 2plus3 to go look for a supplier, leaving me and Jiexin at the shop today. Christopher came for awhile to help out in the morning and then left for his class and came back after Kelvyn and Xuejun left AND THEN left again to get fructose cuz we ran out of it. <- this is one of the longest sentences i've wrote in shanette's history. HAHA. 

Jiexin and i kinda panicked when both bosses left. (i shall just consider xuejun as one of the bosses cuz she's kinda like a bigshot at work. LOL~) Both of them didnt teach me nor jiexin how to make the food menu. & the moment they left, we've got a waffle order. Oh no! Kinda failed the first time round cuz only half the waffle looked normal. But we then remembered most of the time Kelvyn would only give half of the waffle, right?! I only remembered that when i started making the second one..... God so we ended up having extra. Hilarious epic moments we had when both of them were gone~

Right now, I'm feeling depressed over alot of things but i'm not in the right state of mind to blog it out because no proper sentences are forming in my head so.... i'll just blog about who i'm currently obsessed with.

KATY PERRY!!!!!! 

K so it all started out with this live concert that i've been watching at work. Kelvyn downloaded her concert and played it on TV. I'm amazed at her beautiful eyes, beautiful body, amazing songs. Was totally jamming to all her songs when she was singing. I can't even believe she already have so many hit singles. Time passed too fast. Wait.... I think i'm living too slowly perhaps. Her first single, Hot N Cold is still very catchy to me! She's only 3 years old (4 after 2012 has past) in this industry and already so famous... It's awesome!!!! I think the only overrated song's Firework. <- I'm still not a very big fan of that song. But i love all her other songs honestly WOOHOO~ 

Then today Kelvyn downloaded even more live concerts. There were Maroon 5, Britney Spears, Rihanna, Madonna, Adele and Lady Gaga. I havent get to watch Madonna's one. But Maroon 5 and Britney Spears were just awesome too!!! I kinda grew up listening to their songs. Rihanna's concert costume totally reminded me of 2011's SYF costume... The colour's the same and her bottom was black and white striped too. Just so clown-ish. HAHA. I love Lady gaga's songs but i hate to see her live. When she's live she's just all weird with her costumes and makeup and it's just so not my style. 

You know what. I just realised the amount of songs i know. God. I feel like a boombox right now. Any song that was playing on the tv, i could definitely sing to it. CALL ME THE PRO! :P Haha! 

(Tsk i'm honestly honestly still depressed and lost and my mind is fucked in some way.)

Demoralised ENOUGH

Actually today was a pretty good day. It kinda rained early in the morning when i was still asleep. Felt good but the moment i finished bathing and was about to step out of the house, the sun came up and made me irritated. I don't remember if i've mentioned it in my yesterday's post but the skin on my face is kinda burnt by the sun. It's painful and dry. No it's not acne, there's no bumps. Only dead, dry, painful skin. Ouch? 

Was late for work for 20 minutes because i was kinda unlucky with the transport today. Bus took so long to come, train took longer than usual to come too. Chris started work early today, around the same time as me. Usually he'd come in for work at 1 or so but today's different. :O Oh god you have no clue how lame he was today. Lame-ness level: more than a hundred percent. Even xuejun couldnt stand him. I still like it when he says "At least you're smiling. That's my point." <- HAHA sounds so sweet right?!?! He tried giving me scares many times today but he failed except for once. AND! It's been so long since anyone pinched my cheeks. -_- What the hell, while i was mopping the floor, he was on the way to the kitchen and just pinched BOTH cheeks so easily. I'm like ER?! Oh i don't understand why his hand is so cold after using the tap water. To me, the tap water's temperature is definitely not cold. More like room temperature. Today is just GAY!!! Gay incident 1: He put his cold hands on my cheeks. I FREAKED. Gay incident 2: He put his cold hands on my NECK. Death wtf. Neck is the most..... sensitive part of the body to me omg. Gay incident 3: Actually i dont know if it's ice or it's his hand that's freaking cold. He poked my cheeks with a tissue <- so either his hands were under it and ICE was under it. The coldness is just..... omg. I think he kinda woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. He's just a freaking joke today. 

 So there's this girl, name's Nathalie which i just found out today, is a big fan of Damien. I think i said it before but here's a clearer story. She came to the store again today, asking for Damien and asking the boss why Damien hasnt been working for the past few weeks. Oh my god i've never seen such a straightforward and persistant lady in my life. I couldnt believe that she was also 17. So she kept saying she's damn sad that Damien hasnt been coming to work and can't disturb him. Then suddenly she saw Chris. "Eh! But i can disturb him right? What's your name?" Ok..... She totally just switched targets like that. Like i've said, she's very straightforward. For the whole time she was there, she kept saying how she felt about us. She said about how weird Christopher is and looks-wise too. Oh my god? I was standing beside Christopher all the while so she suddenly turned to me and say "Actually you look very pretty. You've got the 女人味 " I kinda got a shock and said "HUH? NO." But she kept insisting and Xuejun gave me a fuck face cuz she just couldn't agree to what Nathalie said. I felt very weird because she just kept staring straight into my eyes and i'm like "brrrrrrrr this is so weird. -looks down and walks away-" 

 After that, xuejun just couldn't stop demoralizing me. I really hate it when people say how ungirly i am or how ugly i look or WHATEVER NONSENSE. I know it! I DON'T NEED OTHER PEOPLE TO TELL ME HOW I LOOK, HOW FAT I AM, HOW UNGIRLY I AM. I'm working in a fucking bubbletea shop. How girly does she want me to be, SERIOUSLY?! Does she want me to go all bimbotic and weak and always need help in things?!? What the fuck? If that's the case i might as well stay home and rot. Why go work in a bubbletea shop? I don't get it. She constantly calls me fat. OH what about you?!?!?!? No matter what i do i get insulted. My self esteem is already lower than the ground, What else does she want? I know she's kidding at some point of time BUT THERE'S A FUCKING, FUCKING, FUCKINGGGGGGGGGGG LIMIT. 

 I don't understand why her words are fucking annoying me either. WELL OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE I'M A GIRL. Only fucking girls remember negative remarks and forgets to positive ones. NO MATTER HOW UNGIRLY I AM, I STILL AM A GIRL AND I HOPE SHE RESPECTS THAT. I don't care if her orientation's not straight. I KNOW I AM AND THEREFORE I AM A GIRL. Fuming mad everytime i think of it. I think i'm gonna get insulted for the next few months. Sigh. This is so not helping. 

When work ended, 3 of us walked to Simei together. I suspect Christopher's bipolar. The moment he stepped out of the shop he became damn quiet. While walking, he walked infront of both of us like he didn't knew us. I was like "Wtf is wrong with him" in my mind. At some point of time Xuejun did try to start conversations with him but he just totally ignored her. Oh my god? So when we reached Simei, only me and him were taking the train. That was one of the most awkward moments of my life. WHY DID IT FEEL SO WEIRD TODAY?! I tried breaking the ice. I asked why he suddenly became so quiet and moody. He just didn't want to say, but he blurted out a few words which didn't made any sense to me. "Work and outside different." Er? ER????? Totally bipolar symptoms. From Simei - Kembangan, we were totally not talking at all, like strangers on the train. Worse moments of my life, really no joke. I was praying the train would go faster so i could quickly alight at my stop. Out of the blue, when we were about to leave Kembangan, he suddenly talked. "Er 2 more stops?" I said "Yeah? -attempting to read his mind-" "Oh so your art school right, after that what you gonna do?" <- This is the randomest shit ever. Why did he suddenly try starting a conversation? You mean only at that moment he realised that the atmosphere was damn awkward? Oh my god i was seriously in a confused state of mind. K i just didn't care and just went with the flow of the weird conversation. Oh god i can't believe it. Now i really wanna know if he's bipolar. 

Alright i need to stop writing already. If i continue, i think your eyes will really drop out soon. Hahaha.... Why do i write so much anyway. I always have so much nonsense to say huh? :B 

Burnt

The weather today is unbearable, really.... Why is Singapore always so hot?! I hate this. At this point of time, i would prefer to be at Australia, which is gonna reach Winter soon. Oh how good life would be...

Woke up at 8 this morning. I was supposed to be up by 7.30am. Had to go see my face doctor at 8am. Being very Singaporean when it comes to queuing for my face doctor because the queue there is just ridiculous every single time. So i was late. Since i was already late, i just took my time and slowly prepared to get out of the house. Surprisingly, the queue was really short!!!! So thank god for me, i didn't had to wait very long for my turn. Sigh all the craps the doctor say.

Had breakfast with family and by the time we reached home it was almost 10am. Spencer's room looked too cozy i just had to get my ass in and sleep. LOL. Ok that wasnt exactly my reason why i slept in his room. My maid was like changing new bedsheets in my room when i wanted to go in for a "nap". So i went into bro's room instead. Slept for a straight 3 hours. I'm just amazing, arent I? Woke up at 1, had lunch and rested awhile before trekking again.

All of a sudden i couldnt find any motivation and felt sad.. Nevertheless, i finished the whole place and went back home. The weather was still killing me. I think it kinda burnt my skin. My skin now hurts and is dry AND RED. Ok my face is always red.... Owell, redder than usual, that is obviously hot red. Drank honey green tea to cool myself down but it was obviously not enough. I feel like i'm living in a human oven...... The feeling of being baked... Searched my fridge and realised there was this drink called "Lemon Green Tea". I've never heard of it. LOL but it sounds kinda cooling and refreshing so i decided to drink it. Yup it tastes good~~~ From tomorrow onwards i'll stop drinking any heaty drinks and start spamming honey greentea. Until my face cools down, i'm not gonna touch milktea.

Bathed and felt so good. I could head to bed anytime. Until my dad brought rojak back. BOOM. Yes that was my dinner. Now i'm very full. Bloated stomach.... I'm waiting for my toilet call. SHUCKS it's already 7.35pm!!! Iron man is calling me! BYEBYE. (it's gonna be playing on tv! catch it on channel 5~)

Selca-ed myself to make myself feel good. Didn't really help because the redness you see on my face is not my natural blush. IT'S THE BURNT REDNESS. Burnt. K actually my natural blush is not very far from this but still...... this is not natural. 

Companion

 I woke up with a freaking bad face. Everyday it just keeps getting worse. I don't know what's the reason behind it, honestly. I think it has something related to my menses. My menses for this month is only a short 2 and a half days. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!!!! So i guess all the bad blood went to my face. Wtf. I have no idea what logic that is but somehow or rather, it kinda makes sense....... 

My mother saw my face, and made a fuss about it. As if i'm not insecured enough, she had to just rub salt into my wound. Hello? Don't you have days when your face just erupts like a volcano too? No? I just couldnt stand it. I didn't even want to step out of my room because my face was in major terrible condition. I was even hiding my face when i went down because i knew my mother would make noise. Sigh. Spoilt my mood. Then i asked her about my guitar too. I really forgot that she asked me for the school's number so she could cancel my lessons over there. For that i admit it's my fault. But she had to make a big deal out of it. I think the whole house was gonna collapse for that moment. (lol obviously i'm joking. just trying to exaggerate things, like how my mom always does.) 

Went out of the house, feeling unhappy. The sun wasnt helping either. Bloody hot.... I felt like i could melt anytime, or rather, my skin would be on fire anytime. When i reached the MRT station, i felt so good... Just like a vampire, i hate the sun to the core of the core. 

Reached Bugis at about 12.45pm. Saw Fion at Guardian. It's been months since i last saw her but it didn't felt like it, i don't even know why. Had lunch at Yoshinoya. Then went to street to shop. I bought too many things... All nonsense. Really going street equals to spending money on nonsense. To me, things from bugis street are just toooooo wear-and-tear. It spoils tooooo easily. So yeah i spent about 100 bucks on nonsense. 

There was nothing else to shop after afew hours so we headed to Iluma's Coffee Bean to slack. I suddenly became mad hyper because i bought Double Chocolate ice blended.... Guessed i was kinda noisy >< HAHA! Camwhored quite alot over there. Then we went to some other ulu place to sit down, and camwhored even more. Talked about random stuff too. 

Everytime i think about our friendship, i think about how amazing we are. Seriously... We only get to meet up with each other twice a year, and i'm talking about festive seasons like CNY or Christmas. At most four times if we're free. Yet we can still find topics to talk about. We can still be this close for friends who only meet up afew times per year. 16 years. Somehow i felt like i only knew Fion in my Childcare years. (oh i didn't go nursery. I went childcare instead.) There isnt anyone that i could think of in childcare. Yes we were in different classes, but still i felt like i only knew her. I hated childcare. Always being separated from my parents every morning till night. The feeling sucks. I cried everyday i went there. Fion was the only consolation. "Yes i know someone there. I know Fion. Ok stop crying now." K whatever i shall stop beating around the bush. I just can't believe time passed so fast. My memory is still able to date all the way back to 3 years old. I'm so cool please. LOL. 

Major spams alert.

 

Tomorrow's Sunday. No i'm not gonna go guitar no matter what. I think i need to see my face doctor in the morning. & i need to go trekking again. I need to exercise!!!! Haven't exercise this whole week!!! Ok i did but it's seriously not enough. 

Sigh I honestly think i'm insane. I care for someone who doesn't even bother if i die, who insults me like i'm the worse female on earth, who hurts my feelings like i'm supposed to have none. Ok actually i thought i'm over this shit. Well, you can tell from my posts I havent been posting anything related to "crushes" "infatuations" or anything related. I force myself to think that i've got no feelings too. Is it helping? Fuck no. I still see your twitter. For fuck!?!?!? -.- I'm just invisible. Literally invisible. 

"You can't see me wanting you the way you want her. You just see through me. If only you knew me, we'd be a beautiful miracle." 

- Invisible, Taylor Swift