Sucks to be me

I'm so drained. Today's such a tiring day. Ballet started out not bad. Hip hop was boring. I hate myself but there's nothing i can do so whatever. We wore same pants different colour so we took a photo together.

 

 Art history was okay because it was Afiq's turn to do the presentation today. Honestly speaking he wasn't boring at all. His partner was, though. The other pair was just boring to the max that the teacher had to stop the presentation halfway. I just freaking fell asleep. I think they don't even know what they are talking about.

 

Slacked before PP. Ate maggie mee cuz i didnt had breakfast nor lunch. PP was okay too. Performed the blood diamond song with all my heart for the first time ever! Then Jenkin splitted up into 3 different groups to do some commercial thing. Afiq was in my group!!! We were grouped with 3 other music students and it was not that bad. :)

 

I didn't know Afiq wasn't feeling good during PP. Fuck my life i suck. I swear he felt so normal i really didnt know he was upset. We spent almost half the class together i didnt even know anything?! Am i sucky or am i sucky... After class he just exploded to Shafiq. We were suposed to go bugis. Then Cher Jingwen and Pris went through the bugis street way while me Andrea Shafiq and Afiq went through the Afiq way LOL. Went with them because Shafiq told us to follow them! But the moment we followed them Afiq broke down.... Terribly.... I felt horrible because I didnt know what to do, AS USUAL. He was crying so badly i was really lost for words. I wanna help him so much but i just don't know what to do. This is getting too much. Everyday there's something like that that makes me feel like shit. I finally thought of why i'm so affected by people's feelings. Yes their mood = my mood. Another thing is that I feel like everytime this happens, it's like some sort of friendship test to see if you're really there for that particular person or you're just a typical friend. & this makes me feel like a typical friend because I won't know how to cheer the person up and the person won't remember me as someone who has been through hard times together. GOD I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TYPING. I don't know how to say it. People say action means more than words. Yeah this sucks.

 

Went to Mos burger for dinner with Andrea and throughout the meal, all I could think of was that boy. Shafiq called and told us they went to food court to find Jingwen and co. So after our dinner we went up to find them too. He was still looking sad. Jingwen was so mad hyper i wonder if she even realised Afiq was in a bad mood. Then all of a sudden Andrea also started being crazy and i'm like wthhhhhhhh. I was sitting at a rather awkward spot so i kinda couldnt comfort Afiq in any way. They were all laughing their lungs out and talking so heartily. Mood wasn't good throughout the whole time we were there. Afiq's mood got better as time passed but mine got worse because I did nothing to help. -_-

 

Then as my mood was getting from bad to worse, Priscilla broke down in tears all of a sudden. I was so tired of this shit that i couldn't even be bothered to console her. Well i did went over to her but Andrea was like hugging her so what can i do? Lol I'm really tired. Tired of feeling useless. Seriously. Why put me in such a spot. For the past few years, the people i mixed with all held their tears in and tried their best to stay strong. But ever since i stepped into Lasalle, everybody just cries like their tears are free and makes me feel like a sore loser for not being able to do anything about it. It's only been one over month. So much drama. I can't handle it. Really not my cup of tea.

 

All this made me thought of my placing in people's hearts. Oh god i hate to talk about this but it's a fact that I can't escape from. I don't come to people's mind easily. I'm more like the kind that gets forgotten easily. Sucks to be me. I wish i was born to make people happy like how Andrea and Jingwen does it so easily. Why the hell am i born this way. I wanna love myself but there's nothing about me that i can love. I wonder why Andrea is even such goodie goodie friends with me. Sometimes i really think i'm the kind of girl she'd dislike. I feel like i'm such a burden. 

 

Boohoo why am i feeling this way :( I've also noticed that i've been adding this sentence "Tomorrow will be a better day" before i end some of my posts. Yes i really wish for once that there's a day without any such issues. Fml

My parents are not helping me in any fucking way either. I'm already tired enough from school and coming home at 11 everyday. I don't need to return home to see both of them mad at me for coming home at 11plus. JUST DEAL WITH IT GOD DAMN IT. I'm sick and tired of always trying to rush back as fast as i can but i still see 2 black faces every single night. It doesn't do me any good. Can't they just let it go already? If this coming Sunday, which is the only rest day for me, they are gonna start nagging at me again, i swear to god i'll just stomp out of the house.