BLEH

You guys had no idea how sad I was for the whole 22hours of my birthday. Lets start from the morning. (which is 12am) 

People whom I was waiting to wish me took so long to wish me. Yes there were afew that made my night but then there were those whom didnt wish me even though I waited. Sigh this sadness. 

Slept through the night and went to school feeling sleepy as hell. No one wished me happy birthday.... Oh well must be because they kinda "sang" it on Monday when Andrea bought 2 cakes for me and jingwen and everyone only sang for jingwen and forget about me (EXCEPT ANDREA and Luv). Cheh whatever. Didnt do well in Ballet and contemp wasn't that though so I pulled through.

After school ended we had our crew practice again. Just when I was about to put in my whole heart inside, Afiq decide to change things and make weird formations. It made me cray cray.... Sigh must be my menses that was controlling my mood. LOL oh well life was obviously miserable for like 3 hours until I decided to go off. I felt like there was no point staying if I was so not committed and nothing was getting into my head. Steps la formations whatever nonsense la. Just when i left school, Andrea told me she and Shafiq were initially gonna surprise me.. Gawd what on earth I totally didnt know and upon recieving her text i just broke down on the streets. Now that I think of it I really don't know why I cried at that time. Maybe because I felt like it totally wasn't my birthday at all and that message made me happy and sad at the same time IDK LA. Emotional me is emotional. 

Went to get Kayte's cake and find her. I was standing outside Danzpeople for so long thinking if I should just give kayte her cake and then go back to the studio to practice for the competition. I felt so bloody bad I just left like this. I am the black hole out of the crew and I still don't wanna go for practice -claps for myself- Think so long......... & I decided to just go for her class still.. lol. I was hoping it'd give me some happiness or like motivation or what. Kinda told her how I felt about this whole competition thing going on and stuff before class. Her words kinda gave me a little hope and power. Her class gave me even more strength to go back to the studio and make sure I get everything right. "I know I'm not that bad I just have to trust myself." I keep telling myself before entering the studio. 

So happy that it was a fruitful 1.5hour practice and I did get something out of the practice. Left immediately after that and felt really awkward because I didn't even hug anyone goodbye. I was so mad and sad and bleh wanted to just sleep my birthday away. Mummy fetched me home.

Went up to my room and had the shock of my life. Liqian and Yvonne were standing behind my door with a cake an a video camera. I was lost for words all I could do was break down in tears while everyone sang the birthday song to me... Just when I thought I was gonna end my birthday on a bad note. Just when I thought this year was gonna be the worst birthday ever...... Cried for so long I was just like WHY DID YOU MAKE ME CRY WHYYYYYY T_T Really so happy so so happy that they were there. Like it was so unexpected I don't even know what to say. I just felt so thankful that god have me them as friends. They stayed till 12 and left. Sigh best 1.5hours of my life ever. I will never ever forget this beautiful memory you guys just left in my memory "book".

Went to school the next day and yeah normal school...... Bleh almost fell asleep on the barre again... What's new. Had crew rehearsal again. I was so into remembering my steps that I didn't even know there was so much tension going on in the room. Goodness. Went to buy fried rice but the fried rice never ever came. I was so freaking mad at the people I almost threw a chair at all their faces. Argh. Went to buy subway instead and ate in the studio. Listened to Irwin talk about his "ghost" "spirit" stories and stuff like that. He's so funny. But i was actually scared cuz yeah i'm a coward... I'm scared of such stuff LOL (and 7th month is near.) Andrea and Shafiq disappeared for soooo long. So many awkward moments today I can't even. I don't like this feeling of having to side someone ok. Especially when I'm like the kind who's so in the middle YAW. -peace-  Don't like don't like don't like. Awkward walk to the mrt, awkward mrt ride, awkward awkward awkward. -plays cricket sound-

While I was stoning on my phone screen I recieved a phone call from the most unexpected person ever; Shafiq. Such an emotional 40 minute call ohmygod. If only I could like send some warmth through the phone to him. He sounded so sad and broken and I didn't know what I could do. I was so shocked at some of the things he said because it was untrue and what not.... Shafiq if you're reading this, you're special to me. Don't ever feel like you're not. You were and you still are. 

Thurs and fri were just more school and more rehearsals... Woke up late on both days. Gah really lacked of sleep cuz of my tired body and tired mind. Every part of me was just tired. Wasn't doing well emotionally at all. So definitely affected my status in class. Even in hip hop. Was practically dancing like a stone. Lol. 

Friday was the competition. I was just psychoing myself the whole day that I could do it even though the chances of getting into the next round was minimal. Went to school at 12 to prepared and stuff. On the way to the venue, received a text saying that the venue was changed due to bad weather. Thankfully there was a bus to wherever we were supposed to go at the bus stop that we stopped. Haha Zen was on the same bus as us!!!!

Alright when I saw the contestants I knew the chances were even lower. Haha... At least half of them were experienced and good crews. After we performed, we just sat outside and watched the other crews. I really wish I was as good as them.. You know really. That's where I wanna be :( Oh well. Zen was awesome pawsome go Zenzen!  

Had dinner at the Safra with crew members and Andrea, Shafiq and Irwin. Wasn't very appetizing to me bleh. Got lost cuz we couldn't find our way to the MRT.. gosh. 

Spent my Sunday afternoon with my family and TBG at night!!!!! So I went to Suntec a convention centre and was lost. I didn't know where I should go or what. I reached at exactly 6.30. Kayte told me to meet her at 6.30! So I waited outside the theatre for like 30min AND I STILL DIDN'T SEE HER. Everyone was with big groups and I was probably the only one standing alone at that point of time. Super intimidated by the crowd. Guess what!? It turned out that she was beside me eating on the floor with Alif and company. I was being blocked by this couple so I couldn't see her. LOL GOSH -BANGS HEAD ON AN INVISIBLE WALL-

Afiq and his gf(I think?) came just in time to break fast. Haha so they broke fast first before entering. When we entered.. Kayte realized she lost her phone. Throughout the whole show all I could think of was her phone ._. Well everyone felt the same actually. Afiq was trying to he the lost iPhone app to track her phone. After the show we went around hunting for her phone. LOL like detectives.. But to no avail. It was obvious that someone was holding the phone because that person kept rejecting my calls. Gosh.... Gave up in the end. If I didn't had school the next day I would've went to supper with them :'( Boo

BUT TBG WAS SPECTACULAR!!!! I LOVE THEM ALL ESPECIALLY OCREW QUICKCREW JINJO CREW AND CHOREO COOKIES!!!!! They were so good and so inspiring I love you babies hehehehee. Jinjo crew passed by us while they were going home and I was like WHEEEE & Afiq had the same reaction as me HAHA!!! But... We were busy looking for kayte's phone so we only "wheee-ed" for a split second. 

Had school on Monday as usual. I was actually quite hardworking for the whole day, until improv when I accidentally pulled a muscle. I didn't warm up and the moves were very intense. AND PIAK. It was hurting a lot for awhile and then it became less painful, Went back home after that. Changed and went for Kayte's basic groove class with the usual peeps. Afiq Sherman Alif Junior hoho. Basic groove class is forever so fun I just like it. You don't need to stress about the choreo you just need to enjoy the music and groove. Yay it's even more fun now that I have officially made friends with Afiq and company. Hehehe yay!!! Had a small chat with Kayte about epic. I told her that the results weren't out and there was a very small chance of us getting in. Then she gave me a small pep talk and yeah it was very true. Yehhhh. Can't wait for Friday till I see them again!!!! :) 

Yup we didn't make it to the next round. Haha for me it was an expected answer so I wasn't disappointed. Plus I already knew we probably wouldn't make it in because the other crews have so much more experience, basics and dynamics than us. We didn't have the competitive element, like what Andrea said to us. If it was a performance, it would be not bad. But for a competition, standards are like so high.... Plus I know I could've done so much better.... Feeling this tinge of guiltiness because I was the least committed one out of the 4 of them. During rehearsals most of the time, nothing was getting into my head till the very last minute. Oh well I've gained experience at least. I know what's it like to compete now and I really wouldn't mind doing it again. WHEN WE HAVE MORE TIME... 

Went to school today looking like a zombie. Zoned out during ballet, what's new. I just wanted to hug my bolster so bad for the whole day. Slept during the remaining lunch break but that didn't really woke me up. My thigh hurt so badly. Whole day trying to not use that muscle hoping the pain would go away. Fat hope ah. It was the same move during improv that made the pain come back. 

Slacked at the frass for like 2hours and went home. Yay!!! It's currently 8pm only!!! So happy. I'm gonna catch up with my shows right now GOODBYE LADYBIRDS LESS THAN A WEEK TILL SCHOOL NOT SO HAPPY BLEH